Now she's dealing

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Aug 1, 2009.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm fairly certain that difficult child is selling drugs. Lately she has been coming home with money that she doesn't have, $40 here, $50 there. Yesterday she had $65 in her wallet and she had no money of her own. I asked where she got it and of course she said people owed her money. Yeah right!

    After checking our cell phone records and following the lead of texts and calls, I now strongly suspect that she is buying drugs for people from a contact she went to the community college with.

    Of course her boyfriend is in it with her because she has no car and no way to get anywhere to pick up the drugs or deliver them, and the kids she is selling the drugs to are all his friends.

  2. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's a scary thing. Our difficult child was dealing drugs for 8 months , hit rock bottom due to drug use and came home. When he was dealing we shut him out of our home. We have younger children who we didn't want exposed to his drug life and we also didn't want those he was dealing with anywhere around our home. We know that he has not been dealing for around 5 months now, but our guard is never down. He owes money to some bad people (which he'll never pay) and has to watch his back quite a bit. It's a scary game, especially for those who are using as well (like my difficult child), he would use what he should have been selling and now he has a target on his back.

    I hope your difficult child wakes up soon. My difficult child now knows that the police in our city are on to his friends who are dealing. We reported all of it, including our difficult child's role. If he gets caught up in that business again he'll go down with the rest of them, it's only a matter of time.

    Does your difficult child still live at home with you?

    Again, I"m sorry you are going through this.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Nancy, I am so sorry. It is so hard to watch them throw their lives away because of ignorance, laziness, and apathy. My difficult child is living with a guy who is not the best character in the world---but then again, neither is difficult child. I am concerned about the activities at their house, but I try to just stay away from the drama as much as possible. He knows how I feel. Again, hugs.
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I can imagine you are screaming inside. Such a dangerous thing to do and to bring into your home.

    What can you do?

    It threatens your husband's career, your easy child's peace of mind and brings danger to your home. Not to mention the danger to herself.

    Does turning her in seem like an option? I have no experience and no idea. I'm sorry.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter told me that anyone who uses drugs also sells them. I don't know if it's true, but that's what she told me and she had nothing to gain or lose by telling me since she'd quit long ago. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hated it. In the end, as you know, we had to make our daughter leave. It got old having the cops at our door and we had two younger kids...
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Oh, Nancy! I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it goes against every value your family has taught her.

    When our difficult child 2 was dealing he was living out of a car. Maybe that's where she belongs.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    missy - it sure sounds like you have been through exactly what I am living now. She does still live at homebut she is scheduled to move into her college dorm Aug 27. Not sure if that will happen and we live day to day. She knows that if she is not going to college she needs to move out. I suspect her drug dealing will end the college path. soon.

    everywoman - yep you have been there. Thanks for the hugs. I am getting much better at detaching. It's her problem now and she will get caught.

    Fran - you bet I'm screaming inside, you know me. Turning her in is an option if I can get the proof. I'm working on that.

    MWM - I am not surprised. She needs money and she likes drugs and she loves being the go-between, makes her feel important.

    3S - it sure does go against everything we believe and everything we taught her. Living in a car would work if she had one but we have it hidden. I don't expect she will be living here much longer.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Nancy....I am so sorry. This is the place where everything gets really downright scary. Dealing brings on its own set of really bad problems. I would search her room thoroughly when she is gone to make sure she isnt keeping anything in your house. This makes me wonder again about those cigarette cellophane's.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Me too Janet. My difficult child does not save things like that unless it's for something bad.

  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is she living at home? You may need to look her in the eye and explain that you are aware of what is going on, and you won't have it in your house, and if this is what she chooses she has to find someplace else to be. You could lose everything.

    PS - Just read further down, and saw that she is due to go to college in a few weeks. I'd let it be for now, but I'd also be sure that she knew when she was packing for the dorm that just as the college won't tolerate it, neither will you. If they kick her out for dealing or for failing, she's not welcome at home unless and until the drugs stop.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I will count down with you until August 28th. Only 27 days to

    Can you send her somewhere for a week or so to get her out of your hair? That would be 7 days you didnt have to see her. Maybe you could send her on a bus trip around the country to see all of us!
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I don't remember what drugs your difficult child is on but mine sold her Adderall when she "needed" money. Is there any chance your difficult child is selling her prescription drugs?

    Make sure that you have locked up anything valuable. That's another way my difficult child "made" money.

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am very sorry. No real advice, sending prayers and hugs.

    Are you sure you want to pay for the college dorm, esp as you already know that the chances of her stopping the drug use/sales is virtually zero?

    Is it possible to call the phone company and get a printout of her text messages? That might give you an idea of what is going on. Or maybe you could let the police record her calls?

    Whatever you decide, you have all the support I can send.
  14. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    You took the words right out of my mouth MWM. And I also thought "Anyone who is selling drugs is doing so to pay for their own habit".

    Yup. Scary stuff.
  15. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I'm so sorry. That must be terrifying to deal with.
  16. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    If she is definitely dealing drugs, I would think twice about letting her go away to college. Setting aside the money you will lose when she gets kicked out and she WILL get kicked out for dealing, not necessarily for using, but she will get kicked out and likely referred to the police by the college. In addition, once she is registered, even if she never attends a class, if she is kicked out it will follow her if she later straightens up and decides to return to college because she will have to get a transcript which will show that she was expelled and why.

    I have not faced this problem so I can't give you any advice about whether or not to turn her in. From the outside, it's easy to say that you should, but as a mother, I would hate to think of my child in jail.

    I hope you are wrong and she is selling her blood or, heaven forbid, holding a job that she's not telling you about just to spite you.

    Good luck.
  17. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Nancy, another one here that is so sorry you are facing this possibility.

    Totally agree with Kathy...make sure all valuables are locked up. They will try and sell goods for drugs. A lock on your bedroom door would probibly be a good idea too.

    Hope it's not drug dealing. Hope difficult child goes off to college soon and gets it together...that you and husband find some peace at home.

  18. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    How did I miss this thread yesterday?

    Holy smokes, Nancy! ARGGGHHHH!!!

    Well, you know our history and that we turned Rob in for paraphernalia, which started a whole new dimension of the downward spiral. It's a bit different because he was a minor at the time.

    I do know that, like you, when I smelled a rat nothing kept me from hunting it down. The next time she's out of the house, go through her room. We found that Rob had cut a hole in the bottom of his box spring where he hid things. When he got more complacent, I found bottles in his closet, and hundreds of cigarette butts and drug supplies in back of his furniture. It was pretty horrifying, as you can imagine.

    Rob's PO said that stereo speakers are a favorite place to hide stuff, also a/c vents and on the underside of dresser drawers. We have threads in General archives about other places to look. The Teens forum might have some, too.

    I'm so sorry. Big hugs.

  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Adding my condolences. The using/dealing acts do go hand in hand unless there is independent wealth or a series of thefts going on. It's an ugly darn world once they cross the line and I am truly sorry that you guys are in that twilight zone. DDD
  20. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I search her room all the time but if she does go off to college in three weeks I'm going to strip her room and make sure nothing has been left behind. She really has very little in her room, no speakers or cd player, just a bed, dresser, night stand and tv on a stand.

    I do keep all our valuables locked up and I go through her pant pockets every night. She now takes her purse into the bathroom with her since she knows I checked her wallet and found the money.

    I am pretty certain it's pot and that she used her contact from the community college to buy it and then sell it to two different guys. But for her to make $65 it must have been a big buy. I also think her boyfriend keeps the drugs in his car. I intend to tell his parents, I just have to find the right time.

    Here is our dilema. We know she will get kicked out of college, that is a certainty because she will either break the rules or never go to class. But it is a way to get her out of the house. We told her she has one semester to make it or find a place of her own. If we try to kick her out now she has no car, no money and no place to live. Maybe we are just delaying the inevitable but one of two things will happen. Either she will decide she wants a better life and focus on college or she will get into trouble, probably be arrested, and she will be out of our home.

    I don't know how else to do it since I don't have the proof to go to the police yet. Susie you will remember we turned her into the police several times in the past too, but she was a juvenile then just like yours. I'm not opposed to doing that now either.

    I wanted to confront her now and tell her to leave since a condition for going to college was no drug use. husband wants to play it out and let her hang herself so we are not the ones imposing the consequences on her once again.

    Last edited: Aug 2, 2009