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now son wants to leave country....!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 680273" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Rebelson, I hear your terror for him in every word you write and I so understand that.</p><p></p><p>They have no idea, and we do, having lived a while.</p><p></p><p>I think you are getting good thinking here from those who have posted. It's good for you to write and dump it all out here. We understand what you are saying and feeling because we have walked the very same road.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you set a boundary with the birth certificate. So, that's okay. The odds are he won't get to Colombia because there are multiple steps to take, and it will take time. our DCs aren't so good at sticking to something long enough to walk through the steps.</p><p></p><p>But let's say he does, and he goes to Colombia. The good part of this is that being face to face with his dad, who he likely has on a pedestal at this point, it sounds like, will be a bucket of cold water. He will be living with the reality of who his dad really is right now, and either it will be a good thing or a bad thing.</p><p></p><p>I do believe our DCs have to ***experience*** reality. We can't tell them about reality. That doesn't work. They have to live it in full living color.</p><p></p><p>Yes, bad things could happen there, but you can't control what he does and where he goes. That time is over, as you know.</p><p></p><p>I know he doesn't make good, adult-like decisions, but he is still considered to be an adult. That is such a hard thing for us all to live with. </p><p></p><p>He will have to learn inch by inch. Most of our DCs learn it all the hardest possible way because that's who they are. My own Difficult Child even can laugh at himself a little bit today about that, and he acknowledges that is usually how he does life...the hardest possible way. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. This too shall pass, one way or another. And something good really could come from it if he does go.</p><p></p><p>It just may be the next step on his own journey in life, to go to Colombia.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 680273, member: 17542"] Hi Rebelson, I hear your terror for him in every word you write and I so understand that. They have no idea, and we do, having lived a while. I think you are getting good thinking here from those who have posted. It's good for you to write and dump it all out here. We understand what you are saying and feeling because we have walked the very same road. It sounds like you set a boundary with the birth certificate. So, that's okay. The odds are he won't get to Colombia because there are multiple steps to take, and it will take time. our DCs aren't so good at sticking to something long enough to walk through the steps. But let's say he does, and he goes to Colombia. The good part of this is that being face to face with his dad, who he likely has on a pedestal at this point, it sounds like, will be a bucket of cold water. He will be living with the reality of who his dad really is right now, and either it will be a good thing or a bad thing. I do believe our DCs have to ***experience*** reality. We can't tell them about reality. That doesn't work. They have to live it in full living color. Yes, bad things could happen there, but you can't control what he does and where he goes. That time is over, as you know. I know he doesn't make good, adult-like decisions, but he is still considered to be an adult. That is such a hard thing for us all to live with. He will have to learn inch by inch. Most of our DCs learn it all the hardest possible way because that's who they are. My own Difficult Child even can laugh at himself a little bit today about that, and he acknowledges that is usually how he does life...the hardest possible way. Hang in there. This too shall pass, one way or another. And something good really could come from it if he does go. It just may be the next step on his own journey in life, to go to Colombia. [/QUOTE]
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