Now the school wants to call the cops!!???!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by troubledheart, May 27, 2009.

  1. troubledheart

    troubledheart New Member

    "Just an update. He got into trouble at lunch for taking his shoulder and shoving into another students face. He was kicked out of the gym and on the way out nearly punched a student, but stopped when a teacher directed him. He cooled off and went on his way. I hadn't heard the entire story about lunch until now. Last hour he stormed out of FCE and I searched high and low. Finally he was found sitting outside another teachers room. He came to my room, very upset and again said that no one cares. He told me to shut up. I took this as a sign to let him cool off a bit more. He processed with me and I told him the next time he walks out of class without permission he will be in BIG trouble. Possible out of school, ticket, etc. It all depends. It might be worth it to call the police next time as a firm warning. How do you feel about that? He's doing well now. Processed well and is with me for the remainder of the day."

    What!?!? so here was my reply:

    I think that before we go the police route, or out of school suspension, I need to know how many days he has been in ISS and OSS this year, I would like to get a manifestation determination hearing done. I think that he would be more than happy for out of school suspension or going to jail, just because he won’t have to be at school anymore.

    I asked yesterday for him to be kept in the EBD room for the rest of the week, as something is not right with him, and I don’t know what it is. He has appointment’s scheduled but I cannot get in to see anyone at the drop of the hat. He has a mood disorder not otherwise specified (previous diagnosis of Bi-polar disorder) and ADHD. He is going to need to be accommodated, possibly for a couple weeks until school is out.

    That is all I know to say. Something is going on with him. Unfortunately this is something I have fought with his entire life, I don’t understand it, but I do my best to try to understand. He is slowly losing control and it scares me, but we will get thru it. Again, unfortunately, by suspending him or calling the police, he is being rewarded by being taken out of school, he is stressed out and is not handling things. "

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd suggest trying to get them to see that the cooling off period was effective and that is the route to take- keep them from involving police as much as possible. It's a road that is horrible and once it starts, it seems to take on a life of it's own. If offering him a safe place and supports gets him to regroup appropriately, why on earth they would want to also throw in a completely opposite approach is beyond me. But this is typical of sd's, I think.
  3. troubledheart

    troubledheart New Member

    WEll, my email reply seemed to work, as they are going to be keeping him in the EBD room for the rest of the week until our IEP meeting on monday at least.

    I am wondering, when should I ask for a theraputic classroom? When do they decide that being with the general population of really mean kids is not working?

    I don't want him in the Juvi system yet, or ever for that matter. We are getting a psychiatric re-evaluation in Mid June, maybe this doctor can help more too. I am just sooooooooooooooooooooo ready for school to be over, but i need to be prepared for next year, because it is just gonna get worse if they don't accomodate him.

    What the problem is, is that he has done very well for the most part in adapting this school year. And when he started having problems at the end of april, they think that he is doing this on purpose because he handled himself fairly well the rest of the year (just a couple of incidents and suspensions)

    I wish that I could crawl into his brain for a day.....but i am sure I would not come out the same!!
  4. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    On one side it is tempting to call the cops so that he learns a lesson. But cops are not at all trained for dealing with mental illnesses and can take it too far in the wrong direction. I would not hesitate to call when he is being violent or if he has run away. But I would be very careful regarding things after he has calmed down. The cops just don't have the proper set of skills.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    HI -

    Here's the part you do not want to hear. The school has a right to call the police if they feel there was an assault. Verbal, physicalor threatening gestures are all grounds for a school resource officer to take your child to Department of Juvenile Justice.

    Dude's first trip to Department of Juvenile Justice was after several warnings by the school and finally when a little girl hit him with her purse, upon her swinging the thing again he grabbed it, broke the strap, she cried and we all got to go 35 miles to the county Department of Juvenile Justice office where it was put on his permanent record. My attempts to have HER arrested under assault with a forged instrument failed. She could cry - he was cute.....and a labled troublemaker.

    Your letter /reply is pretty good, but sounds a little like you're trying to save him from them. You need to stick to facts, and leave ANY emotion out of it and don't presume to know what your child would or wouldn't be happy with. Telling them he would probably enjoy jail is a one way ticket to playing "WEll lets see how you like this kid - your MOm said you would like it." So ---- I would start like this:

    Dear So & SO

    Thank you for your attention to my sons special needs. As you are well aware our son has a diagnosis of not otherwise specified mood disorder, and ADHD. We're also not ruling out BiPolar (BP) disorder. We have an appointment with a therapist\therapist\whatever on XX,XX, 2009. Appointments like this take a long time to get and I hope you understand that it will take longer for a proper diagnosis to be made and possible medicine trials to work. In the mean time I would like to call an emergecncy BIP meeting to ensure his needs are being met.

    WIth that said -I would like to remind you that just yesterday I asked for him to be contained in the EBD room. My wishes were ignored and as I suspected the outside main-stream classroom routines were too much stimulation for him to manage. When any ADHD child is over stimulated they can get bored, in trouble. When you add not otherwise specified on top of that already bad mood? It's a recipe for failure. I don't want my son to fail!

    There are several good books and websites available for you to get an understanding of what one day in his life is like, I'll be glad to give you a typed list of reference material. It is my great hope that we can all work together for the greater good of my son. He's not a troublemaker, he has a disability and needs to have his needs met. Under the FAPE law these accomodations must be made at a school level, and according to his IEP and BIP we're supposed to be coming together with viable solutions to help him succeed. Calling the police would only add to the problems he has.

    I've spoken with several other mothers who have children like mine and while I'm glad that you don't have a child with the invisible disorders mine does - I hope we can work together for understanding, fresh ideas & success.

    Thank you -
    cc: file

    Send registered letter

    Or something to that effect......
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ok, I'll throw out what I amke of this but it's only based on experience with my one difficult child in our local public sd. All the kids (and teachers) are burnt out by this time of year. Don't let them convince you that your difficult child is sticking out above the rest. I think they lead a lot of parents to believe this. Anyway, use these little milestones that you have set up (the iep mtg, the evaluation, etc) to keep them hanging on until this school yeear is over. Also, get a therapist on board and let the sd know you have an appointment. Take the difficult child to the therapist through the summer and you see the therapist for suggestions, too. Let the sd know that you will want an iep mtg at the beginning of next school year to discuss and incorporate the therapist's suggestions so that everyone's life is easier next year. Make sure you stress that positive reinforcement works better with your difficult child than negative reinforcement and you are very concerned about getting cops involved.

    ETA: Star snuck in on me so some of the things we are saying might be redudant.
  7. troubledheart

    troubledheart New Member

    Wow Star, I like that letter. I have a hard time taking my emotions out of the equation. I have copied that sample and saved it, if you don't mind.

    We have an IEP meeting on this Monday. I will know more then.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They ARE within their rights to call the police, but in my opinion it won't change him. He is sick. A mood disorder *is* bipolar. It's new name is mood deregulation dysfunction (something like that). I don't think he should be in a classroom full of badly behaved kids either because it will stimulate him and drive him crazy (as you see). I would prefer therapeutic schooling myself...where there are professionals who understand these kids, not educators who really think it's all on purpose. If you're unhappy with the school and they won't negotiate with you, I'd call the Wisconsin State Dept. of Public Education. I live in Wisconsin too. Ask for the Special Needs advocate. I'd tell them what's going on and voice my frustration. I've had tons of success with them and they have gotten the school to do what I felt was best for my son. They have a lot of clout with the school districts. They in my opinion are underused by the public who are afraid that they shoudln't "make waves." in my opinion t hat's sad because often that is the only way to get your child into a safe school environment without getting a sick kid a police record. I am glad I called. Good luck!
  9. troubledheart

    troubledheart New Member

    I know that they can call the cops on him. I would just prefer that we don't go down that path.

    I will look up the link to the Wi dept of Education also and keep it in my files in case i need it. (is this the same and the Dept of Advocacy for people with disabilities?)

    Right now he is in the EBD room that has about 2 -3 kids in it at any given time. so very very small, and his part - time aide is with him also.

    Thanks again for all the help everyone!!!!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Call the department and ask for a student advocate. THey will have a list and advocates are free...and fantastic. You will have trouble doing this alone. School districts love to run ram shod over parents who are afraid to make waves. There is no reason to be afraid of them. You need to help your son and I agree with you that the police will not help him at all. They won't understand him and, being sick, he won't be able to control his behavior anyway. They think he's "bad" not sick. He's not bad.
    Good luck.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Amber sue -

    If you can use it - take it. You know something? In Dudes IEP we wrote in that he was in self-containted classes AND had a shadow that our family met with personally and told him triggers, and signs to look for in aggitation etc. Our shadow wasn't very good - and had the wrong ideas about a lot of things and we find out later he had NO experience with ED kids - BUT there were a few times that his presence and ability to take Dude and say "come on man - lets go for a walk." and walk outside the school was VERY helpful. It calmed Dude down, distracted him and was an integral part of his EIP and BIP.

    When you go - KNOW THIS - you can ask for and have it paid for by the school district - a shadow. And NO sped teacher is going to refuse it.

    They tried with Dude to put him in mainstream classes but the noise and chatter, and movement were way too much for him. He made straight A's in the self-contained class and even got picked several times to go to the Learning Disability (LD) class and help the more severely disabled kids and LOVED it.

    -Never hurts to ask for free help - and it could just be the thing to have a big brother type person to help him?????

    Just a thought.
    Best of luck
    Glad your letter worked......
    And start a file - a daily log of your sons behaviors with medications and take that to your psychiatrist/therapist - that diary will be INVALUABLE as a tool to help your sons doctor see triggers and patterns that you and I can't.

    I'd do a summation each week for Dudes therapist and it was very much appreciated - AND of course, my kid stressed us out so much that I'd forget my name if I didn't have a things I may have forgotten because BIGGER and worse behaviors came along were written down.

    Also - ugh....(sorry) if he is a true ADHDer - NOISE cancelling headphones while he's working in class can be phenominal tools.......and /or an Ipod or headphones with music. Most ADHDers I know do better in class if they can listen to music while they study....they can hyperfocus on the music and block out the 100 other things they hear.