Now this is all getting ME depressed...sorry, it's gonna be a long one

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, May 3, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    So, difficult child was diagnosed last month with severe situational depression caused by the terrible troubles from school for behaviors caused by the Risperdal. He was put on an antidepressant and was doing very well: happy, active, back to normal. He is now receiving Homebound instruction but that's not going well at all (he refuses to go because of the teacher the principal is sending and it's in a public place outside his comfort zone). He stays home by himself all day because I can't afford not to work so when school is over at 3:15, he was out the door to play. They just started homebound AFTER school last week. He WAS doing much better but now is back to VERY depressed because he wants to know what he did to cause all this and why he isn't allowed to have a life anymore. He is crying himself to sleep right now and easy child/difficult child is complaining about difficult child's sniffling. I feel so helpless. I want to stay home with difficult child but can't afford to. I want him to have a life after school but the teacher they are sending can only do it after school since she teaches all day. I feel so bad for him but I can't fix this.

    On top of that, I have easy child/difficult child who is becoming more of a difficult child and showing a few Aspie traits and acting out to get more attention than he is already getting (he gets hours of attention when difficult child is gone every day as well as shared attention every day regardless). He has begun doing things and making noises every time difficult child is getting ANY attention at all. He's complaining about the noises difficult child is making (crying, sniffling) that he can hear over the sound of a fan on HIGH and a shut door. I told him to shut his own door but he gets so scared that he won't. All of this is starting to frustrate me. I told him difficult child has a right to cry in another room with the door closed and that if he doesn't like it, he should shut his own door. I told him he can't have it both ways. Now HE is crying.

    I feel so torn and helpless and sad and confused and....and....and...... Sorry, I just had to get some of it off my shoulders before I do crack and then I won't be any good to anyone. Thanks for listening.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* to you and the kids, hon.
  3. Mamablue5

    Mamablue5 New Member

    I am so sorry you feel this way,While I cant relate completely with your situation I do understand how one childs behavior can cause reactions in another.The feeling of being helpless is an awful feeling as a parent and I only have a small peace of something,often when the day is over and there all finally in bed.Even though everything inside of me wants to crash and cry myself i go in a have a private chat with one child,just a little one on one,make them laugh,hold there hand or let them tell me how there feeling.May not be very helpful but please know your not alone.
  4. Mamablue5

    Mamablue5 New Member

    forgot to add,i do this not with just the one child,i try to sneak into each the others dont feel left out :)
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just want to send a hug your way and reassurance that many of us have temporarily gotten absorbed by the abnormalities of our family life. As parents we want to solve all the issues, reassure the other family members etc. etc. and sometimes it just descends like a cloud that enwraps us as well. Hopefully this is just a short hard spot. If you don't bounce back soon then perhaps you'll need to try a medication temporarily until right balance occurs at home. We're all here for you. DDD
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  7. idohope

    idohope Member

    Does your easy child/difficult child go to therapy? Would easy child/difficult child go? I reached a point where I felt I could not provide enough support to my easy child 1. I was overwhelmed and while I could provide support and understanding when easy child 1 was frustrated or worried about major rages from difficult child, I could not listen to easy child 1 telling me everyday that he hates difficult child or complaining every time she walked in the room. My easy child 1 became overly focused on difficult child and her behaviors. So I found a therapist for easy child 1 specifically to give him a place to talk about difficult child and his feelings and for him to work on how he could detach from difficult children behaviors. He went for about 6 months. The therapist was not a terrific match but I think it did help and was also a tangible action from me that I recognized that easy child 1 had a lot to deal with a difficult child in the family.

    This is in addition to a therapist for difficult child, a therapist for me and depression medications for me. It is overwhelming and support is needed. Hang in there.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    We did begin therapy for easy child/difficult child last week. I am hoping it helps. I went with him to the first one to lay the groundwork. He "ate up" the attention but acted very difficult child-ish when we were there. I hope he reaches the point where he will open up to her. She is the psychologist that diagnosed difficult child so she already had a lot of the ground work on family dynamics, etc. I think she will be good for him if he lets her.

    Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. I love you all. "This too shall pass!" (said through tightly gritted teeth)