N's Birthday Party so so sad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    So N was invited to a Birthday Party today of all places: Chuck-E-Cheese
    I really dislike this place.
    I understand why parents would like this place, I really do.

    But the parent of a difficult child would understand why I hate it!!!
    I also just dislike these type of places, the food, the dirty overall chaos...
    Maybe I am just a snob!!! LOL

    So we have been here once, when it was very slow, on a weekday. Because the girls have seen the commercial about a million times and have pleaded to go.
    They did OK because it was very calm and there were maybe 6 people.

    This was N's best boyfriend at pre-school. She has been so excited for a couple of weeks.
    He gave her the invite personally.
    His big sister also invited K.

    So I said they could go! Big mistake.

    We got there and N started shaking right away. Clinging to me. I got her over to the table and she calmed a bit.
    K did wonderfully.

    N clung to me and covered her ears a bit.
    I was able to find her friend D. So she and D and D's Mom and I took them around and played some games.
    N was still a bit out of sorts. Anxious.
    I could not leave her side. Which is fine it was crowded.

    They had pizza, this went well. She was still complaining about the noise and covering her ears a bit, I kept asking her if she was OK, she kept saying quietly yes.
    We played a few more games. Then she heard that Chuck-E-Cheese was coming out.
    She ran up the play tube thing and I could see her holding her ears, rocking and tears running down her face, she was screaming! :(

    Her friend D finally got her to come down.

    As she was sliding down the tube slide all I could hear was a screaming "Get me out of here" and she shoots out with her hands over her ears and continues to scream, "get me out of here"

    She is shaking and screaming,"I want out, Mommy it is too much I want out!"
    She is holding onto me climbing up my leg.
    Her little cup of tokens spills everywhere and her friend hands me her shoes...
    I grab her up and ask the Mom to tell K I will be back in a moment... and just run out the door.

    I get to the door and am like what the frick do I do?
    She is shaking and no way going back in.
    I want K to finally have a normal day. It has been so long. She never gets to just be a little girl.

    So I call husband and just say please come here as fast as you can, you need to get N!
    You can imagine why.
    He was watching NCAA. So it was OK.

    I asked her once she was sitting in the car for a few minutes if she wanted to go back? (Even though I was not going to let her) She said no way!

    She was fine once she was out.

    I just feel so bad for her. You know and I know what people would say who weren't there, "Oh my kid gets, or got scared by those things or those places"

    But my kid was the only one in 3 hours who screamed like they were being murdered and shook and covered their ears and had to be physically removed. The only one.
    I am just so sick of being treated like we are over reacting to N's fears. Yet this poor kid is so freaked out by things. Yet no-one ever sees these things!!!

    The poor kid was SO freaked out.
    I have never seen a kid this freaked out, ever!
    She is almost 5 and I have never seen a kid react like this. At any age.

    I just wanted to cry driving home. I was happy for K, she did so well.
    But you know how you just have those pity party moments?
    When you just want one freaking day, one freaking event to go right?

    And I can only say this to you guys.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    My name is tiredmommy... and I hate Chuck E.Cheeze too. Duckie used to have similar reactions... the noise level, lights and so many people was just too much for her. Is she having anything done for sensory disregulation?

    Give N a big {{{hug}}} for me (and take one for yourself too!).
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry that N had such a rough time at the party. It is one overstimulating place. I hate Chuck E. Cheese too-some friends took difficult child there once and he kept trying to punch Chuck E.

    Hugs to you both and I hope tomorrow is a much brighter day.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I understand about Chuckie's. It is so overstimulating. I took difficult child there for the first time on a pass from psychiatric hospital. I am so glad it was a very quiet time. We then went there another time that was so busy that I was having problems with not being distracted and taking all the noise and chaos in.

    difficult child has asked a few more times to go but we have not.

    I think our kids are much more aware of their surroundings than easy child kids. Most kids are so self-centered that when they focus on something like getting to do a certain game they want, everything else disappears. They only know that game. With our kids, everything else does not disappear and they need to make sense of all this noise and lights, ect. It's like they are trying to focus more on and organize their environment than the other kids do who are able to shut out distractions. No one can make sense of or organize the noise and confusion at Chuckie's.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Chuck E Cheese is not one of my favorite places, either. It's just too much. Of everything.

    Poor N...I can't imagine how scared she must have been. Glad she was able to regroup after leaving.

    So happy to hear that K was able to be just a little girl and have fun. Hugs to both the little sweeties. And a big one for you, too, Toto. And for husband...he's a good guy.

    Hope tomorrow is a good day for everyone.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    N is lying on her therapy ball half naked! of course... getting some raspberry sorbet! And watching one of her movies, Tinkerbelle!
    She missed the Birthday cake. So she is happy now.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, poor thing! I feel for her.
    I hate Chuckie Cheese, too. I do not miss those days at all.
    difficult child used to love it there, but he would be SO overstimulated, he didn't know when to stop. He would run from one thing to the next and just run, run, run.
    He couldn't even sit still for Chuckie Cheese and the animated figures.

    He had an episode similar to N's once when we were at the Rain Forest Cafe'. He curled up in his chair and just rocked.

    I'm glad your husband was able to pick up N so K could have a good time. It is SO hard to have both kids together.
    I learned to have separate events for nearly everything. We quit going to Busch Gardens, which is very close to us, because it was too much of a hassle.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Oh Toto! I'm sorry you went through this. Long story short:

    My daughter (difficult child 3) had this type of meltdown EVERY DAY at school when she was in kindergarten and the first 2 mos. of 1st grade. One day, I had to go on the pumpkin picking trip with her class because she wouldn't be allowed to go unless I went. As the parents that were going were standing in front of the school (mind you - this is October in NYC - only a few windows are open). We hear this blood curdling scream, then yelling and crying and I turned to the Dad that I knew from difficult child 2's football team, laughed and said "Oh, that's GOT to be mine!"

    He looked at me and laughed and said "no way! She's so quiet at the games and the bus stop!". I bet him 5 bucks that someone from administration would be out the door asking me to come in for a moment within the next 2 mins. As if on cue the school secretary came out and asked me to come in for a moment. I almost wet my knickers. Come to think of it, he still owes me the 5 bucks!

    Anyway, don't worry about it. She's going to have these breakdowns in the future - it's the way she's wired. If you stress about it it's not going to make it easier for either one of you to endure. To me, you reacted perfectly and obviously for N too! I admire how quickly you got the situation in hand!

    Oh and PS to Wiped out - I would love to take a swing at Chuckee myself!

    Feel better Toto! You're a fantastic Mommy!

    Huge hugs to all of you!

  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I really hate that place, it's so over-stimulating, difficult children can't find their calm side. The one time we went, it smelled like vomit. They still talk about it and they are almost 23. We don't have a good thing to say about any of it.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    She is so lucky to have you as her mom, Toto, and not someone like my sister in law who would have forced her to stay, and probably would have disciplined her for the "scene" and for "embarassing" her. I kid you not.

    I hate that place, too. husband and the kids love it, though. husband can't get enough sometimes -- all the stimulation is right up his ADHD/mood disordered alley!

    I hope the rest of the weekend goes okay for N. It's hard to see our kids in pain like that. Even harder when you feel like no one around you "gets" it.

  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry!! We have had to avoid many birthday parties or leave early with thank you. It is only this year that I was comfortable not staying for the entire party - and thank you is 9!

    We are blessed - I am not sure our state even HAS a Chuck E's, I KNOW our town doesn't! We had a few parties for Wiz there, mostly because he could scream or whatever and nobody even heard him. Also because we could split the cost with a cousin of mine who has a child 1 year older than Wiz, so the boys had fun when they were little sharing a party. And all the relatives could just go to one small child party (nice for them as about 15 or more little old people would rather not go to 2 parties for 4=6 year olds in a week!).

    Even with Wiz we often left early when it was his birthday party. And that was NEVER our pick for the party - it was the other childs!

    Would earplugs or some shooter's earmuffs help N when things like htis come up? They work very well at blocking the noise. She might really like the shooter's ear things that go over the whole ear. I was very noise sensitive as a child and used to go and get my dad's ear protectors when things got loud for most any reason.

    In the future would it be possible for N to invite the birthday kid to do something with her, rather than attend a party someplace like that? This way she would still get the social experience, but in a smaller and more easily tolerated way?
  12. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    True ChuckECheese story!! My daughter/sister in law took our 2 yo granddaughter there for her birthday. They were there for about 20 minutes when a literal riot broke out. A bunch of moms started having a fist fight. My daughter was impressed by the amount of hair/hair weaves laying all around. :O The police came and actually arrested several people.

    ChuckECheese is a breeding ground for chaos!

    My daughter never did well with situations that were over stimulating. Mostly, she has outgrown it - but every once in a while - she'll remove herself from chaotic situations because she just gets overloaded. Your daughter will learn to self regulate too.
  13. WSM

    WSM New Member

    Well, I think your N is a brave, courageous, stout-hearted little girl. She was anxious from the very first moment and look at how she stuck it out!. She tried to adapt, she gave it more than a fair trial, she was an ALL-AROUND GOOD SPORT !!! She had pizza, played games, interacted with other kids, and tried the tubes. She knew when it was time to go and let you know in a completely age appropriate way. And she was smart enough to identify that it was too much for her and smart enough to know the solution: getting out. And she got herself calmed down as soon as you got her out.

    I'd be bustin' out proud of that little girl.

    Even kid's who aren't difficult child's have screaming moments in those places. My oldest was about 4, minding his own business eating pizza, when a big clown popped up out of nowhere and honked some loud noise thing in his face. He screamed in terror and I had a lot of trouble getting him calmed down after that. It's been 15 years and he still remembers it--and has never liked clowns since.
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    I think we've all had these experiences. There are just some times when our kids' challenges glare at you and it's all you can do to not drop to your knees in utter despair. But I can promise you there will be better days. I'm sorry she had a hard time and I agree with you about ChuckE. Manster would usually go the other way when overstimmed and I'd have to peel him off the walls (maybe that was because of the sugar and junk food).

    On a positive note I'm happy K had a good day.

    Hugs to you warrior mom.

  15. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I understand. difficult child wouldn't go into Mcdonalds or Burger King because of the french fry buzzer. Fire drills at school freak him out. Oh, try a sporting event. When we put him in basketball he would be the only one on the field to freeze as the clock counted down. he would stand there and cover his ears and just freeze!!!

    I am sorry it was so rough. Maybe introducing her slowly when things are not so chaotic would help.

    My difficult child does things now, but tells me it still bothers him. he just tolerates it.
  16. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Toto, I think N handled herself like a trouper, and so did you.

    Add me to the list of those who think Chuck E Cheese should be banned. I've never actually set foot in one...the commercials are enough to send me round the twist, and I can just imagine the horrible noise, flashing lights, yelling, clanging...ugh!

    Sending hugs, and cyber-doughnuts with pink sprinkles for N.

  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thank you so much!!!
    I knew those of you with kids with Sensory Issues would understand! Um, all of us!
    It's funny I have seen kids throwing tantrums in those places, gosh I would love to have a kid *just* do that!
    She is still perseverating over the whole thing. Now she is freaking out about the possibility of someone ever taking her to Disneyland.
    She did not sleep last night.
    The kid got herself so worked up over this party, 2 weeks of every night and day, us putting it in her *worry bubble*. This is where we put all of her anxieties and worries for the day in an imaginary bubble, and then each night she can let it all out and we discuss it.
    It has actually been working.
    Otherwise she talks and worries all day.
    but this has set her back a bit.

    So nice I have my compadres!!! and a Donut!!! Funny I bought her a lemon with sprinkles yesterday!

    When she got in the car with husband she said, "Dad I freaked out in there!"
  18. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I can just picture little N saying that. It's so precious.

    Glad that she has her doughnut, and her worry-bubble. Little easy child has "monster spray", a little squirt bottle filled with (magic) water that he uses to banish his fears and worries. Do you think something like that would help N, or would you just end up with a soaked house?
  19. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    We tried the squirt bottle and she doesn't like the water. Too messy, and the possibility of getting wet.
    She has just started letting me wet her hair down. LOL
    She likes her Bubble and her magic wand.
  20. I am so sorry that N had such a difficult time. I am glad that your husband was able to pick her up. K deserved to be able to have a fun time, I am glad that she was able to enjoy herself.

    Poor Mom! It has to be so hard for you.

    Chuck E Cheese is overstimulating for any kid, let alone one with anxiety problems. As parents only we know what our kids really go through and how they handle it and outside people just don't understand.