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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 53721"><p>I am deeply touched by each and every one of you and your compassion for someone you've never met. I have read and re-read every post and I have taken something from each of them.</p><p></p><p>I don't think I'm depressed. I really don't. And I'll tell you why in a minute. But I do think it could easily head that direction if I don't face it - especially with my history of depression.</p><p></p><p>There are several reasons I don't think I'm depressed. For one, I am able to force myself to go out into the world. I did stop by my friend's tonight - the one with the kittens. I wanted to see the kittens (again - they're so cute) and it allowed me to visit while having a focus. We played with the kittens and the conversation was very light. This is a very good friend and we have some very good talks, but I just don't want to "talk" talk right now. Not just yet. But I know that isolating myself just starts me down the wrong road.</p><p></p><p>For another, my mom's coworker is about my age and she has MS. She had been symptom free for a few years and she has relapsed in a pretty big way. She knows what's been going on in my life and told my mom that if I just wanted to call and complain about how life sucks right now that she is the one to call; she understands. But I don't feel that life sucks. Not at all. Nothing has happened that can't be overcome. It's just too much at once. These things need to space themselves out instead of happening all together. Whoever put my schedule together needs to be fired. :wink: </p><p></p><p>I'm pretty resentful at some things that have happened around me. Mostly judgment that I've had to endure for things that I had no control over - such as my health and those that didn't really think I was ill until the heart attack proved them wrong. What, did they think I was faking it? Did they think that I enjoyed not being able to climb the stairs to my room without resting at the top from muscle weakness? And this from family and co-workers. I realized this while typing this post (I ended up not posting that part - boring stuff, but eye opening for me). </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I spent the therapist appointment working on a plan for difficult child for this summer. It's something I need to get in order. She needs a speech pathologist, speech therapist, Occupational Therapist (OT) and therapist and I can't do it all at once. I have to work, I have another child and we have to eat. Something has to give. So, we're working on a workable plan. I did schedule an appointment for me for Friday afternoon.</p><p></p><p>totoro said something about recharging - and she is so right. Wouldn't it be nice if we came with power cords and we could just plug in when we needed a boost?</p><p></p><p>by the way, within the last month I have put $1600 into my car - battery, engine treatment, tune up, tires, etc - and now I need brakes. :hammer: :faint:</p><p></p><p>If you guys don't see me around, it's cause I ran away to Belize. :wink: I really need to get a passport. :rofl:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 53721"] I am deeply touched by each and every one of you and your compassion for someone you've never met. I have read and re-read every post and I have taken something from each of them. I don't think I'm depressed. I really don't. And I'll tell you why in a minute. But I do think it could easily head that direction if I don't face it - especially with my history of depression. There are several reasons I don't think I'm depressed. For one, I am able to force myself to go out into the world. I did stop by my friend's tonight - the one with the kittens. I wanted to see the kittens (again - they're so cute) and it allowed me to visit while having a focus. We played with the kittens and the conversation was very light. This is a very good friend and we have some very good talks, but I just don't want to "talk" talk right now. Not just yet. But I know that isolating myself just starts me down the wrong road. For another, my mom's coworker is about my age and she has MS. She had been symptom free for a few years and she has relapsed in a pretty big way. She knows what's been going on in my life and told my mom that if I just wanted to call and complain about how life sucks right now that she is the one to call; she understands. But I don't feel that life sucks. Not at all. Nothing has happened that can't be overcome. It's just too much at once. These things need to space themselves out instead of happening all together. Whoever put my schedule together needs to be fired. [img]:wink:[/img] I'm pretty resentful at some things that have happened around me. Mostly judgment that I've had to endure for things that I had no control over - such as my health and those that didn't really think I was ill until the heart attack proved them wrong. What, did they think I was faking it? Did they think that I enjoyed not being able to climb the stairs to my room without resting at the top from muscle weakness? And this from family and co-workers. I realized this while typing this post (I ended up not posting that part - boring stuff, but eye opening for me). Anyway, I spent the therapist appointment working on a plan for difficult child for this summer. It's something I need to get in order. She needs a speech pathologist, speech therapist, Occupational Therapist (OT) and therapist and I can't do it all at once. I have to work, I have another child and we have to eat. Something has to give. So, we're working on a workable plan. I did schedule an appointment for me for Friday afternoon. totoro said something about recharging - and she is so right. Wouldn't it be nice if we came with power cords and we could just plug in when we needed a boost? by the way, within the last month I have put $1600 into my car - battery, engine treatment, tune up, tires, etc - and now I need brakes. [img]:hammer:[/img] [img]:faint:[/img] If you guys don't see me around, it's cause I ran away to Belize. [img]:wink:[/img] I really need to get a passport. [img]:rofl:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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