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<blockquote data-quote="pandora404" data-source="post: 649437" data-attributes="member: 18282"><p>Hi there.</p><p></p><p>I strongly agree with upallnight. If it’s not too much stress on you, you may as well persist in trying to have that child removed. Keep making complaints, appealing, etc. Even as you do it, you’ll have to accept that your efforts may come to nothing. So hang in there, but don’t get too invested in the outcome.</p><p></p><p>It seems you certainly have nothing to lose in terms of alienating the child’s parents.</p><p></p><p>I know this is only a side issue, but I was very interested to read that one of them said to you, "I'm glad ISIS is beheading Christian children. The Christians need to leave them alone".</p><p></p><p>Recently I showed my daughter’s boyfriend, who is 21, the long series of hate-filled text messages sent by my 18-year old son (starting at 5 am on Christmas morning). D’s boyfriend said, I don’t think he actually believes any of this. He’s only saying this stuff to <em>wind you up</em>.</p><p></p><p>That was a revelation to me. I realised that many of these difficult children don’t actually hold any authentic opinions. The opinions they express to you are tailor-made for you personally with the intent of pushing your buttons and demoralising you. It’s a kind of passive aggression. It’s a slap to your emotions, rather than a physical slap.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, it’s not worth making even casual chit chat with people like this. Even the most benign remark can be repaid with a twisted, negative response. As for me, it’s a shame considering it’s a longstanding relationship, but I am learning I have to disengage and to not be <em>my</em> authentic self when I see my son.</p><p></p><p>Best wishes</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pandora404, post: 649437, member: 18282"] Hi there. I strongly agree with upallnight. If it’s not too much stress on you, you may as well persist in trying to have that child removed. Keep making complaints, appealing, etc. Even as you do it, you’ll have to accept that your efforts may come to nothing. So hang in there, but don’t get too invested in the outcome. It seems you certainly have nothing to lose in terms of alienating the child’s parents. I know this is only a side issue, but I was very interested to read that one of them said to you, "I'm glad ISIS is beheading Christian children. The Christians need to leave them alone". Recently I showed my daughter’s boyfriend, who is 21, the long series of hate-filled text messages sent by my 18-year old son (starting at 5 am on Christmas morning). D’s boyfriend said, I don’t think he actually believes any of this. He’s only saying this stuff to [I]wind you up[/I]. That was a revelation to me. I realised that many of these difficult children don’t actually hold any authentic opinions. The opinions they express to you are tailor-made for you personally with the intent of pushing your buttons and demoralising you. It’s a kind of passive aggression. It’s a slap to your emotions, rather than a physical slap. Sadly, it’s not worth making even casual chit chat with people like this. Even the most benign remark can be repaid with a twisted, negative response. As for me, it’s a shame considering it’s a longstanding relationship, but I am learning I have to disengage and to not be [I]my[/I] authentic self when I see my son. Best wishes [/QUOTE]
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