Obligation

[newstart]

Lately my adult daughter age 37 is having a lot of problems with her cycle, she always has in the past but now it has become worse. I am not sure if she is using this as another excuse or if it is true. She has lied to me so much, so deeply that if I do not see things for myself I simply do not believe it. When she is fighting with her boyfriend everything else just spirals out of control. This time they know for sure if they do not pay us rent, they are out of the house and we are selling it. As I have mentioned before, we put a large size down payment on the house so it can be doable for my daughter. She can live in an upscale home for the price of a rundown studio apartment. Last year when I was having all the problems with her, she started to look and price apartments and then decided to get herself together or she would have to live in a shack. She knew we were done and this time it was for sure. I have in the past helped to the point of feeling foolish but I now know better and she knows I am done with her constant nonsense.

In the past my husband thought it was our duty and obligation to tell who ever she was dating that she can get very mean and has a disorder. I think he felt obligated to tell future mates this so they would be more compassionate and try not to hurt her. She has the ability to upset me to the point of no return and I love her deeply, I just can't imagine if a person did not love her deeply they would harm her in the worst way.

I have the same neighbor man and woman for 17 years. They are not good neighbors or people. They both are professional people but they are disrespectful and dishonest. When I met the neighbor man's father he told me that they worked hard with their son and they could not help him, the father said 'he was born that way'. I think the neighbor's dad felt obligated to tell me what a rotten person his son was. I can remember the grief in his father's voice when he told me this. The adult child is 53 years old. My prayers are that they will move soon. The neighbor woman always makes excuses for this awful excuse of a man. He sometimes does not want to work and she carries the financial load. He has screwed us over several times but that has ended. My husband is like me giving pieces of crap people too many chances and losing money in the process. We have learned a lot and our hearts have learned a lot. Both of us were raised deep in the Church to turn the other cheek and forgive, but when dealing with these nasty disorders the only thing I want to do is give the 'bird'. I am so sick of nasty behavior that I am thinking of moving. I just remodeled and customised my home from top to bottom to have it perfect for us but I still am thinking of moving.

Do you feel obligated to tell your childs future mates about their disorder? At age 37, I will be staying out of her business. I am so wore out from being around nasty people.

 

[BusynMember1]

I don't tell anyone anything about Kay. She is married but if she weren't it would not be my business to get involved with men who dated her. These are adults. I would encourage husband to butt out. Jmo.

Sorry you don't like your neighbors and that your daughter could lose the house. We bought a house for Kay and Lee and the mortgage was less than apartments for a reason like yours. They got way behind on mortgage anyway and didn't pay utilities. We sold the house and bought them a cheap mobile home where they only had to pay lot rent, but they didn't. They also fought outside and management was very angry at them. Short version, they lost this too.

Several tries at co signing for apartments and paying half did not work.

We are done. Kay and Lee live in a very bad neighborhood now and struggle with rent and I expect to see them homeless.

Some kids don't take the help they get and honor it and grow because of it. Some just take the help. Period.

I always forgive, but that doesn't mean we still enable. We will not.

Please accept prayers.

 

[Nomad]

You sound solid in the boundary department Newstart! Busy...such a sad story re the housing. Ugh. I could scream. Our situation ain’t so hot either! Scream.

No. I don’t or wouldn’t feel obligated to tell a future mate much. She hasn’t had any serious boyfriends though! Lol And usually her boyfriends also have issues of their own. Ugh.

At the very most, I might consider telling a serious boyfriend she has mood swings. And even that I’m very unsure about. I might consider saying she needs to take her medications regularly. But, I think I would shy away from saying much.

Anyone serious with my daughter would likely know or at least seriously suspect many problems.

 

[WiseChoices]

I agree. It is not my business to disclose that.

I would pray for my neighbors and release my energy towards them by sending them love every time I think about them, and then letting them go from my thoughts.