ODD or just being stubborn?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sweetiegirlz, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. sweetiegirlz

    sweetiegirlz New Member

    She's still mouthy, and hit her sister without provacation again. she's in the computer chair and told to get up and take a shower since it is going on past their bedtime. Whenever I tell her to get off the computer and let Abry on she at first yells something like "I aaaammmm!" and then doesn't.

    I say now. She doesn't move.

    I say get in the shower. She doesn't move until i grounded her from the computer for 4 days.

    I turn my back, Voila, Abry gets hit somehow. Of course difficult child says, " I didnt hit her"

    When I give difficult child the punishment, she says over and over, "I don't CARE!!!!"

    30 minutes later and 10 times more of saying get in the shower, she does.

    Things she does in between the first time I told her and when she actually does it:

    1) looks for her clothes

    2) looks for a towel

    3) argues with sister

    4) eats a bowl of jello

    5) eats a cupcake

    6) watches her sister's progress on the internet

    7) watches a bit of t.v.

    "Get in the shower, NOW!"

    "I aaaaaammmm! Leave me alone! Godddddd!"
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I recommend getting difficult child to ask for food. If she has free reign to get it whenever she wants you could have trouble later on.

    I understand the constant arguing. It is exhausting, isn't it? I did give up the shower battle after awhile. I still do not know if it was the right thing or not. But, she has started to bathe more regularly.

    Wish I had answers.

    I do think this is ODD.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sadly, some of it is her age. If there is a nastier, meaner stage for girls then pre-pubescent and early puberty, I don't know what it is.

    It may be easier to give her a timer and only allow computer usage during that time. When I did this with my daughter, I actually had to use two timers -- one where she would see it and one that she couldn't change the time on because it was on me. And I didn't bother wasting my words, when the timer went off, the keyboard and mouse were immediately removed (hooked them to front for easy access). It did cause some meltdowns at first, but quickly stopped when a meltdown caused no computer access for a week. Of course, you have to warn this will be happening if you go this route and her sister will have to have the same rules.

    As to showering, it was truly something I let go during this age. Some battles just aren't worth it. I would tell her she had one hour to get ready for bed. During that time, she was supposed to brush her teeth, take a shower, get her clothes out for the next day, pack up her backpack (her homework was already in it since I made sure of that). Anything not done was her problem not mine. Bedtime was bedtime and if she wasn't in bed quietly, loss of privileges would occur -- usually one hour for each 5 minutes.

    And, yes, ODD kids don't care -- at least they say they do. The future consequences aren't tangible, so do not matter at that moment. I found the only way they did matter is if I was very consistent, the consequence was for certain behavior was given well in advance of an action and having it in writing and posted on her door didn't hurt.

    If it helps, just remember this phase, too, will pass.
  4. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    Sounds like my difficult child exactly, only no matter how many times I tell him he does not take a shower. Consequences don't matter most times, even when I take away computer. Once we got cable, taking TV away worked for a month or two, now not so much.

    I find that rewards work better than consequences (although I still do give consequences hoping this will sink in as he gets older). If difficult child keeps his room somewhat clean, he gets the TV in his room. If he does his chore, he gets to watch TV, and he gets to choose which channel. This weekend we did a major clean up in his room. I knew he wouldn't cooperate so I told him we would connect the cable to the TV in his room once his room was clean, if he helped. It worked most of the day but in late afternoon, he stopped helping. I offered to take him to Baskin Robbins for ice cream once we were done. He went back in and finished up with me (about an hour) and then we went for ice cream.

    For things like hitting or threatening his sister or brother, he has to leave the room. It is a consequence and he often refuses to leave. I either force him to leave (pushing him down the hall) or I tell him he has to be gone from the room for 5 minutes, then he can come back. If he doesn't go, I add time to it.

    The book Explosive Child helped me get a better handle on how difficult child thinks and how to pick my battles with him. We gave up the shower/bathtime fights a long time ago, because the threats and hitting are our number 1 priority.