ODD sister

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Brother, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. Big Brother

    Big Brother New Member

    I found out about ODD today and it perfectly fits younger sister, just two of us.
    I'm 42 and she is 37 now. Wish my parents would have had these resources years ago, but I am happy to see that they are available for families now.

    I'm actually looking for support with dealing with my sister and the negative impact her problem has caused me. I've only found 1 article on the impact of ODD on siblings, and interestingly all the ODD children were boys. Actually that's frustrating, makes me feel more isolated, but anyway...

    Wish you all the best and if you have any links etc I would be grateful!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think 37 year olds have ODD. to be honest, she probably had something else going on and it was never diagnosed. We don't value the ODD diagnosis very much here and ODD almost never stands alone. Are you her guardian? If so, you may want to post in Parent Emeritus or the Watercooler.Do you see a psychiatrist or therapist to sort out your negative feelings? After all, at this point in time, you are grown up...it should stop being a millstone around your neck. Is she is abusive to you, I suggest putting a huge distance between you two. It's up to you if you allow her to continue to affect your life. Some folks have had to cut off contact with abusive family members to save their sanity and this should be on the table at your age. JMO
  3. Big Brother

    Big Brother New Member

    I recognize that ODD is the childhood diagnosis. Also that it is likely tied to ADHD and other problems. Bipolar is pretty much what my family has thought is the problem. Oh, no I'm not her guardian just have this big brother role-hence the screen name. Conveniently I am seeing a therapist now.

    I'm curious why you all dont value the ODD diagnosis here?

    Is it just a symptom of bipolar? or something else?

    Ideally we would like her to get some help.

    I realize I don't fit into the norm for this forum, I just thought you all might be able to direct me someplace else or tell me of resources I havent' found on my own yet?

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I value the ODD diagnosis for sure! It explained so much for me.

    While it is usually not the only thing going on and mostly a way to explain the behavior that is the result of some other issue, it certainly is real to me.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How is she ODD at 37? Just refuses to follow the social norms?
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I see BW's point about ODD being real however usually being the result of other issues or disorders. But I tend to agree with MWM about you both being adults now and the big brother role you see for yourself might not really be welcomed by your adult sister at this point. At your ages, you each need to take repsonibility for yourselves and not worry so much about how the other is living his or her life, in my humble opinion. If by chance you are just sensing defensiveness, animosity, or a little rebellion from her at this point my guess is that it might have something to do with her not wanting to be treated like someone's little sister at this point in her life. Even if she is not living her life in a good way or how you'd like to see it, she alone must make those decisions and suffer the consequences. Unless of course she is harming someone or putting a child in harm's way, then there are appropriate authorities that can be contacted. If you're just genuinely concerned about her choices or mental health, I'd suggest letting her know that you care about her and have these concerns, then accept what she does with that information since you have no control over it.
  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Big Brother,

    I value the ODD diagnosis here. I am glad that you are in therapy. I have two children. My oldest doesn't have ODD or ADHD and she cannot live at home right now because of the ODD issues in our home. I miss her and love her dearly but no one is going to help with the child that has issues and everyone wants a straight A, easy going, sweet, joy to be around child. It breaks my heart to miss out on this time with her and it's unfair. I talk to her about it alot so that she knows that I love her just as much. I am glad that she doesn't have to go thru the drama. But anyway, I can't imagine how the easy child sees things and I hate all the things that they have to endure because of another's mental health.

    You are very much welcome here, and hope that you get the advice that you need and are looking for. ODD tapers off when a child becomes an adult because they make their own decisions and don't normally have someone to be totally defiant with. There's another section on here that deals with difficult child's as adults. It talks a lot about detachment and how to get there. That might help you some. It is great that you care about your sister even though I am sure that she put you thru a lot. Take care and keeping posting and looking for information. It is good that you care enough to even bother looking for other people who have gone thru what you have.

  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    ODD is not a helpful diagnosis because it generally describes a set of behaviors for which there is an underlying cause (for example, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder, etc). When the underlying cause is diagnosed and treated, the oppositional behaviors typically subside.

    Has your sister seen a psychatrist or other mental health professional for a diagnosis?

    You might want to check out the Family-to-Family course at your local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org; click on state/local for local affiliate offices).
  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?