Odd Twist of Events

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Dec 21, 2007.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'll start off by saying I don't really know what's going on.

    That said, Nichole walks in this evening with a guy. Not boyfriend. No Aubrey.

    So I ask where Aubrey is?

    She's with her Dad. Seems boyfriend refused to take Nichole to the movies even though she had free passes given to her by Travis. She tells me they fought. She decides she's going to the movies anyway.

    Then she introduces me to J. J is the brother to the abusive boyfriend of Nichole's best friend. (I think, I'm starting to get confused) If I'm right he's the guy I posted about before. The one who really likes Nichole. And has told her so.

    So I ask if boyfriend has a problem with her going to the movie with J. Nichole says he knows and doesn't care. But she's sick of boyfriend acting like an @ss.

    Well, he does seem to be doing that alot lately. At least from the one sided conversations I hear.

    I make no comment.

    So they're at the movies.

    I have sooooooo many problems with this. Okay, I've put the boy's family on the back burner. And I give him credit, he was polite and didn't act like he seriously wanted to crawl into his skin when Nichole introduced us. (like b/f did and J's brother does) Has no problem making eye contact.

    However...... I don't agree with Nichole going to the movies with another guy while she is still "with" boyfriend. There is just an absolute wrongness to that. I mean the guy has told her how he likes her, and Nichole has admitted to me that she like him the same way. So I'm doubting seriously this is just Friends going to the movies.

    easy child is POed and appalled Nichole did this. As she put it, even though we as a family aren't boyfriend's biggest fans, she shouldn't be disrespecting him by going to the movies with this other guy.

    easy child wants me to talk to her. I'm going to....about the guy and the movies part.

    But you know how with difficult children you get this tension building when you know something big has happened or is about to happen??

    I'm getting some bad vibes from this.

    What the heck was in her head that she just left the baby with boyfriend to go to the movies with this other guy? She couldn't bring her home first??

    Now I probably did something stupid. But I drove them to the movies. J doesn't have a car. They were going to walk the 4 miles. Uh, no. And I'm bringing them home. I don't like it, but I don't like her being alone with him either.

    Sorry, I think I've started rambling. I'm just so [email protected] shocked at her behavior I don't know what to think.
  2. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Ohhhhh, I think I sniff some drama going down soon as boyfriend finds out, which he will, cause she will tell him probably in a moment of anger (or just to see what he will do/say)

    Wouldn't like to be in your shoes with this one ..

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    If boyfriend knows and doesn't care, then it seems as if there should be no issue. From what you've said in the past, boyfriend knows this guy likes her. If he has no issue with it, I'd start praying your daughter goes out with this kid a lot and ends up dumping the boyfriend.

    If she were going behind boyfriend's back, it would be another story. Ditto if boyfriend really isn't aware there might be some feelings. My guess is (1) his ego is so big he doesn't believe anyone could be competition and (2) he feels his hold on your daughter is such that she will always come crawling back to him.

    To me, the biggest fear would be that boyfriend would try to do something to Aubrey (more in the custody area than physical harm) if this goes too far. Your daughter needs to be sure he can't claim any sort of abandonment (and I doubt a judge would look to kindly on her dating someone else and leaving her daughter with boyfriend).
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ya know....

    It really :censored2: when I'm right.

    Ahhhhh The DRAMA is unfolding as I'm typing......

    :surprise: :faint:
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    boyfriend knew about Nichole going with J. Evidently he didn't actually BELIEVE she'd do it.

    Nichole came home and IMed him. And the fight was on. She came out and called him on the phone......which is how I know that he did in fact know and is now furious that she went thru with it.

    She's on her way to his house now.

    Once I'd dropped J off on our way back from the movies I said to her," Dear, you just did the stupidest thing you've ever done."

    She couldn't understand why. (so naive about some things) She honestly seemed to think because boyfriend knew all about it, all was good.

    I told her that she knew, if she was honest with herself, that if the tables were turned and boyfriend went to the movies with some other girl, even if she was his bestest friend ever, she'd be hurt and enraged. So why on earth did she believe boyfriend wouldn't feel the same way?

    Because he said he didn't. :slap:

    I said," Little girl, boyfriend is not the King of telling you how he feels, so what on earth makes you think he couldn't have been lying when he said he didn't care?"

    Then I told her, the quickest way to distroy any relationship is for a person to go out with someone from the opposite sex, unless they're properly supervised by someone else going along. (even then at times it's iffy) For one, it's disrespectful, second it just plain looks bad on both of them, third boyfriend catches the flack from anyone who happened to see his girlfriend out with another guy at the movies. Since this is a small town, that last one will take maybe til tomorrow morning to make it around town.

    Then she talks to him, and darned if Mom wasn't right on the money. :rolleyes:


    I hope this doesn't drag on too long. I have to get up in the morning. I won't go to bed with the doors unlocked, and Nichole isn't allowed a key to the house.
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    Is it possible that Nichole knew that J would go to the movies with her and was trying to make boyfriend mad? Trying to make him say that he cared and didn't want her to go?
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's a horrible example to Aubrey. And disrespectful to you to just show up at your door with him. What was the point of that? Rubbing your face in it?

    Lisa, she's probably old enough that you can take a quiet time (if you can find one) to tell her "I'm going to talk to you like a woman, not like my daughter. This is what I would tell my friend if this situation involved her..." then tell her how you feel about this.
  8. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Uugghhh! Sounds like difficult child was looking for some attention and wanted boyfriend to care!! If she really just wanted to go to the movies, why not go with a good girlfriend? Obviously, I don't know much about boyfriend, but my guess is that he doesn't show much appreciation for Nichole and she was craving it. I understand what she did, even though it wasn't the most mature way to handle things.
  9. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Well, I have a little different take on it. I would completely back off--it really is between Nichole and her boyfriend. And also if her boyfriend told her it was okay then why shouldn't she take him at his word? I hate being manipulated that way--say what you mean, don't expect me to read your mind. But mostly it is a problem between the 2 of them--I'm sure their relationship is not the most healthy but it is theirs and they are the ones who have to fix it or not.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I gave up on Nichole coming home at 4 am when husband got up to go to work. Just got off the phone with Nichole. (she's still at bfs house) Seems all is honky dory.

    I told her this morning she just had Strike One. Not coming home at night around here is a Moving Out offense, most especially when one does not call to inform Me that they won't be home for a very good reason. Nichole said But Mom I didn't want to walk home at 2am. I said well gee, you had no trouble walking over there at almost 1am, so what's the difference? Strike one stands. Two more and you'll be finding your own place to live.

    Nichole asked me not long ago, when she was asking permission to sleep over at boyfriend's house because they had to get up to go out of town at the crack of dawn, why the No Sleeping Over Elswhere Rule existed. I told her that if a grown child can find other places to sleep then they have no more use for my hospitality. If you can sleep elsewhere, you can live elsewhere.

    Yes, I think this was an attempt to get boyfriend to show her some attention, that he really does care about her. boyfriend has slacked off seriously in this dept since the first yr they were dating.

    I try not to get involved in Nichole's relationship with boyfriend. But I do insert information about relationships in general from time to time. Nichole reminds me of a Jr High kid when it comes to male/female relationships. She's sort of lagging there. So I give her info I'd have given her in Jr High about such things. Like the whole "you don't go to the movies with one guy when you're in a relationship with another" thing last night. I give her the info, just as I do for easy child and Travis. It's up to her whether or not she wants to use it.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    The reason I asked the question is because...well, it's a pretty Borderline (BPD) thing to do.


    I know you don't have access to that therapy in your area, but I think it's soooo important for Nichole. At the very least, CBT which is what they used before DBT was developed.

    She seems like a smart girl and can and does make the right choices when given time to think about it. She seems a bit impulsive - which goes with the Borderline (BPD). Maybe just getting her some books to read might help her better understand why she does what she does and, in turn, can help her start making better choices. 'Walking on Eggshells' is geared for people who love a person with Borderline (BPD), while 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me' and 'Lost in the Mirror' are more geared to those who suffer from it.