Welcome, loveycats. As smallworld said, the ODD issue can be more complex, and yet more simple, than we are led to believe. Has your son been given a formal diagnosis? I first heard about ODD when difficult child 3's class teacher suggested it in an outburst about my son, she was not coping with him. We already knew he had autism; when I looked up ODD I could see why she suggested it, but what I really hate about the ODD label is the implication (in the name) that the child is deliberately choosing to be difficult. Kids generally want to be good, not bad. A kid who is oppositional has generally learned to do this, because the usual discipline methods just don't as they should on some kids. It's not bad parenting at all - it's just a discipline method that should work, but is a "wrong fit" for some kids. It can actually create the problem instead of helping it. The most common culprit is strict punishment-based discipline, where some person in authority brings on tighter and tighter controls in response to escalating bad behaviour. it should work - but with these particular kids, that sort of discipline is actually modelling the type of controlling, oppositional behaviour we are trying to stop.
Read the book. Read our discussions of the book.
Whatever is wrong with your son, we can help.
Marg