Off to get q.... Uggg
- Thread starter buddy
- Start date
Buddy...
Work with the HS and the advocate - get THEM to force the issue.
I know of cases where they had to come up with a second tour - and really jazz it up to make it worthwhile for the other kids - to recover for this kind of koi. Maybe they have to send Q plus 10 or more other kids ... but let the HS and advocate drive it. THEY have to make it work.
Work with the HS and the advocate - get THEM to force the issue.
I know of cases where they had to come up with a second tour - and really jazz it up to make it worthwhile for the other kids - to recover for this kind of koi. Maybe they have to send Q plus 10 or more other kids ... but let the HS and advocate drive it. THEY have to make it work.
buddy
New Member
Oh yeah Q works with ARC.... we dont have therapy thru them around here...But we did use their advocates. We were their annual profile family in MN several years back. They have a picture of us the top of their website now. (he is too cute to get rid of, smile)
I can find places for kids with autism, and can find places for kids with behaviors, but not both. Academic level doesn't matter at any of the sites, they would individualize. I have checked charter schools, independent contract districts, and even one private program. He does not fit the profile of their target students at all. the only one that would take him is our school district in the intensive behavior program and then he would end up with tons more behaviors. that is the one the teacher said she came back and while she observed there were several behavior issues and they handled it so nicely... including a boy who tore all the posters off the walls. can you imagine Q in a place like that???? They just dont get it.....that he will copy all of those behaviors. And then be the WORST, the one who does it all the most and the loudest and the longest and I will end up going Occupational Therapist (OT) get him or he will be put in restraints. When those options are available, they get used on him. when not, they are forced to use better ideas and they dont have to go there. So, I will never risk it again. been there done that.
T
TeDo
Guest
Wow. THIS day should count as a full day for sure!! Glad you talked to SpEd admin. I wish there was a way to teach our difficult child's how to "speak up" instead of saying what they think others want to hear. That is an issue with difficult child 1....unless he takes the "I'm just not going to say ANYTHING" stance. THAT is even worse. He won't stick up for himself.
{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you BOTH!!
{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you BOTH!!
buddy
New Member
I'm on the phone with the law advocate and she said if they leave by administration command even ten minutes before the end of the day, it is a day of removal. so, that is that.
She also said that after reading the report about the restraint she knows why the coordinator sent it only to me. Because he broke the law. Once Q went to the ground he should have LET GO... but he wrote that he continued to hold him for three minutes. She is livid.
I am scared for the next meeting. She said she wants to confront them all.
Yikes... I gotta get myself to not hold on to anymore fantasy of the relationship improving with them. She said not to trust anyone...
She also said that after reading the report about the restraint she knows why the coordinator sent it only to me. Because he broke the law. Once Q went to the ground he should have LET GO... but he wrote that he continued to hold him for three minutes. She is livid.
I am scared for the next meeting. She said she wants to confront them all.
Yikes... I gotta get myself to not hold on to anymore fantasy of the relationship improving with them. She said not to trust anyone...
T
TeDo
Guest
Go Get 'Em!! They are trying sooo hard to push Q out that there hasn't been any hope with or without the advocate. been there done that. Your only recourse is to PUSH back to get Q what he DESERVES. Someone has to tell these "power hungry" bleepity bleeps that they AREN'T the be all and end all!!!
Buddy.
I know you hate confrontation. It isn't in your nature. But this has gotten to the point where there really isn't any other answer. Someone has to blow the lid off this crock of odorous agricultural output. It isn't you - its the advocate - but... it is your son and your case.
Here's my best suit of "armour"... haven't needed it for a few months, and I do have a spare.
Also some "dark glasses" - so they can't tell when you're watching and what you see.
Some "extra steel rods" - in case you feel your backbone needs some reinforcement.
"Ear plugs" for when the explosion happens.
... and a Zamboni to help clean up the mess.
{{hugs}}
buddy
New Member
Well, as usual, when Q goes to bed he starts processing and is able to formulate clear statements to explain what he is feeling and experiencing. So, he said, "mom, they had my bag of snacks out and I went into them to get some snacks. they told me I couldn't have them so I just got so mad and that is why I pushed her away"
OK, still not ok to push
And here are my thoughts....
I brought that big bag of snacks and snuck them into the office because for how long now?? have we said he is pretty obsessed with food. The teacher and I had a conversation and she thought that if we HID them and they brought them out gradually thru the day, they just appeared on the desk etc... then it would go smoothly because he jsut gets consumed with needing to eat and it is all of a sudden... he then demands food and is not calm till he eats. (yes we are getting blood work)
So, I would never blame her for being pushed, no one deserves that, but I do blame them for not following the plan again.
His behaviors are not nearly as unpredictable as they want to claim. I was not given these details. I was told he just pushed her. Period. Like he had been planning it and finally got to her. That has never been his MO but, they really are trying to make a case for his being gone. So, I wrote it out in an email and it will be used as evidence in any future proceedings per his lawyer. uggg.
I also told her that he has changed his mind and wants to see the high school. I told her that I would allow it if it can be the two of us... not the psychologist.
I am not ok with his being a part of it. I said I'd like her to talk to me when I am there today volunteering, without Q of course. I told her that since I was again not consulted before this decision it has put me in an awkward position and if we can't work it out that way then I will take care of it myself.
He as of now, thinks it is cancelled because that is what he had decided yesterday.
He also said, this time I will do it alone, but NEVER again, ok mom?? I told him that is what I already told them. I usually dont do a them against us but I did want him to know I was supporting him in this.
I just dont see this going well.
Anyway, I appreciate the words of encouragement, and I will wear double and triple suits of armour from all those loaned out for the cause, and yes, it is my true fear in life... conflict. I think that is why the universe has put me in a position to practice so much. I do not totally avoid it but I do try to work it out in as reasonable a way as possible. But, yes, I am over trying to remain friends or to repair this. Q's lawyer said last night that she feels that I probably never had the relationship I thought I had with them anyway, that they took advantage of me. I really dont agree with that. I think she is the opposite of me and does like to confront and work thru conflict. It is what makes her good at her job. And she has seen the ugly way more than I have. I have worked with great teams, both with Q and professionally so I am not totally jaded. I think this team is mixed. There are some really good folks, some ok folks, some that are changing their views, and some that are just plain jerks.
I am blessed to have representation and to have our home team working with it too.
I will be going there soon. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks guys... today is a day I wish we could meet up in person.... it would help.
OK, still not ok to push
And here are my thoughts....
I brought that big bag of snacks and snuck them into the office because for how long now?? have we said he is pretty obsessed with food. The teacher and I had a conversation and she thought that if we HID them and they brought them out gradually thru the day, they just appeared on the desk etc... then it would go smoothly because he jsut gets consumed with needing to eat and it is all of a sudden... he then demands food and is not calm till he eats. (yes we are getting blood work)
So, I would never blame her for being pushed, no one deserves that, but I do blame them for not following the plan again.
His behaviors are not nearly as unpredictable as they want to claim. I was not given these details. I was told he just pushed her. Period. Like he had been planning it and finally got to her. That has never been his MO but, they really are trying to make a case for his being gone. So, I wrote it out in an email and it will be used as evidence in any future proceedings per his lawyer. uggg.
I also told her that he has changed his mind and wants to see the high school. I told her that I would allow it if it can be the two of us... not the psychologist.
I am not ok with his being a part of it. I said I'd like her to talk to me when I am there today volunteering, without Q of course. I told her that since I was again not consulted before this decision it has put me in an awkward position and if we can't work it out that way then I will take care of it myself.
He as of now, thinks it is cancelled because that is what he had decided yesterday.
He also said, this time I will do it alone, but NEVER again, ok mom?? I told him that is what I already told them. I usually dont do a them against us but I did want him to know I was supporting him in this.
I just dont see this going well.
Anyway, I appreciate the words of encouragement, and I will wear double and triple suits of armour from all those loaned out for the cause, and yes, it is my true fear in life... conflict. I think that is why the universe has put me in a position to practice so much. I do not totally avoid it but I do try to work it out in as reasonable a way as possible. But, yes, I am over trying to remain friends or to repair this. Q's lawyer said last night that she feels that I probably never had the relationship I thought I had with them anyway, that they took advantage of me. I really dont agree with that. I think she is the opposite of me and does like to confront and work thru conflict. It is what makes her good at her job. And she has seen the ugly way more than I have. I have worked with great teams, both with Q and professionally so I am not totally jaded. I think this team is mixed. There are some really good folks, some ok folks, some that are changing their views, and some that are just plain jerks.
I am blessed to have representation and to have our home team working with it too.
I will be going there soon. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks guys... today is a day I wish we could meet up in person.... it would help.
T
TeDo
Guest
I know it's disheartening when things turn this way. I have lived it. It is a good thing you have her on your side. You have a great chance of getting exactly what you need for Q. There is NO way his snacks should have been laying in plain view if you've already told them that's a trigger. Basically, all they did was to prove you were right!!!
buddy
New Member
I really am not a "right fighter" but I have to say TeDo, that seems to be the story of my life lately... I say it and then it happens.
When I told them that the reason he is hitting me now when I come to pick him up is because it is simply a pattern, not that he has this deep anger for me or them.... they doubted it
I insisted on mr sp ed going to get him and just telling him to come out to my car. SUre enough, he just walked out and calmly got in the car. If he was deeply angry with me, he would have come in and gone for me.
He said, mom why didnt you come in to get me... are you sick of my hitting you there? I said, yup, I am over it. he said... OK. DUH I hope someone starts to understand how rote/routine bound/ echolalic /pattern ruled this kid is at some point.... but it will probably not be until he is ruined.
When I told them that the reason he is hitting me now when I come to pick him up is because it is simply a pattern, not that he has this deep anger for me or them.... they doubted it
I insisted on mr sp ed going to get him and just telling him to come out to my car. SUre enough, he just walked out and calmly got in the car. If he was deeply angry with me, he would have come in and gone for me.
He said, mom why didnt you come in to get me... are you sick of my hitting you there? I said, yup, I am over it. he said... OK. DUH I hope someone starts to understand how rote/routine bound/ echolalic /pattern ruled this kid is at some point.... but it will probably not be until he is ruined.
