Malika
Well-Known Member
Just not a good evening in our house. J had a birthday party today - 12 til 4 running around with children from his school at a play centre. When I picked him up the birthday boy's mother said he had been fine, no problem, had listened to her and the other adults. But when I was standing there this boy came over looking upset, saying "Mummy, J says I am not allowed to follow him!" - they are supposed to be best friends but seem to have this curious love-hate relationship all the time. Then another little girl came up saying "J has just hit A!", A being a little girl he is friends with at school. When I asked J about it, he said A had hit him first but who knows what the truth it... Typical, though. Just to smash my illusions of everything being just fine... Then we went to buy some shoes for J. It is SO obvious to me in these kind of situations that J has ADHD or something similar - he just has no ability to wait. Everything has to be now and if he has to wait for more than a few moments he will say "but it is so LONG!" Again, typical four year old behaviour but, as always, just that much more intense. Anyway, afterwards tennis - no problems. But when we got back he wanted to go on his bike outside. And this is the way it goes with J. He does not ASK if he can do this, most of the time. He just announces "I'm going out on my bike." If I say no, or try to stop him, he will run away outside or he will just start crying loudly like a 2 year old. More likely just run off and do what he wants anyway. So it is constant negotiation in the face of this ridiculous situation with a 4 year old who wants to act like a full grown man... I therefore say he can have quarter of an hour but when I call him, he has to come in. When supper is ready and I call him... he does not come. Just starts walking up the hill away from the house. I feel myself getting tense and angry. Finally, after about 4 or 5 repetitions and me getting increasingly cross he very reluctantly comes in. But is then impossibly rude and argumentative. And I really got cross with him, in a way I am (of course) not subsequently proud of. He ended up sobbing and saying he would listen to me. Also crying that he wanted to speak to his daddy... They spoke and had a really affectionate conversation so I suppose that was one good thing out of it. I feel so abusive or potentially abusive in these situations. In all honesty, whatever I may say about the theory, I just don't "get" this oppositional and defiant behaviour. It is so damned hard to see it as an illness. I don't know... Most of the time these days with J it's okay but then he starts behaving like this arrogant, smart-alec teenage lout again and I just don't handle it well.
The child psychiatrist said to me that I must remember he is not oppositional on purpose. Trouble is I can't really "remember" that in the circumstances.
Not good tonight
The child psychiatrist said to me that I must remember he is not oppositional on purpose. Trouble is I can't really "remember" that in the circumstances.
Not good tonight