Oh heck...Buck has been rushed to Chapel Hill.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Aug 28, 2013.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Buck has been in the hospital for around 2 and a half weeks now and they rushed him last night to one of our major trauma hospitals about 2 hours from me. This probably means very bad news. I dont think they managed to get up with husband last night because they called me at 2 am but I never heard the phone. The lady he is living with just woke me up at 10 till 7 and told me he is in very bad shape.

    I have no idea how husband is going to react if he is that sick. I know Buck has no money to bury himself and personally I am not going to chip in. I think Buck should have taken care of this years ago. We had a friend who had himself donated to science and he died just a few months ago. I dont think we have enough time to set this up and we certainly dont have the time to buy one of those policies you see on TV. I am also sure none of his brothers or sister will contribute.

    Am I a bad person for saying I really dont care how he gets buried? I dont think that is our problem or responsibility. The cheapest way we have found is cremation and that is over 2K and I am not willing to put that on us. Not to mention I dont think his family would go for that. I also would not pay for a service. Okay Im cheap but I think he should have bought one of those policies when he first turned eligible because he has no kids.

    Oh this is going to turn into a fight I can just feel it.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I don't know, but after all he put you through I can certainly understand your feelings.

    Why should you and husband have to pay for the whole thing? Why can't the other siblings chip in? And why not cremation?
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I totally understand your perspective from your personal funds. But I don't think it's out of order for all the "sibs" to pitch in should that be the outcome.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Where I live if a person has no money, they are buried in a paupers cemetary.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think thats what should happen Pasajes. husband and I actually talked about this when Buck first went in and I told him this is why I wanted him out of the house. People would think we should take care of everything. I dont think his sibs would donate a thing. Heck almost no one donated to their grandmother's funeral! Buck never even came. This is gonna be a knock down drag out if Tony insists on paying to bury him. He may have to figure that one out while looking for a new place to live.

    Im not taking it out of our funds. Tony has been able to save up a little bit of money because he has been having me pay all the bills and food after I got my inheritance. One of the things I was supposed to get was a piano and that has yet to happen. Personally I dont know that either Tony or I wont drop dead tomorrow and we would need that money. We actually suggested to Buck that he get one of those policies back when he first came to live with us and he just laughed it off saying no. Well maybe that church he has scammed off of for the past year or more will pay.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    After everything that happened, no one could possibly blame you for feeling the way you do.

    What about donating his body to science, if you have a teaching hospital near you, you can contact them.

    In case it comes to this, here's a link with info: http://www.funeral-help.com/options.html
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Donating to a medical school may be an option. I can't think what the name is for the company but there is a Nationwide cremation company that charges less than a grand. I'm sure you can find it on the internt. on the other hand, Buck may bounce right back...he's cantankerous enough to do that, lol. DDD
  8. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Donate his body (I'm sure students will learn a LOT from him)

    Or let the county foot the bill for paying for him.

    There are those that put in donation requests for burial expenses instead of flowers in the obit. This has become quite popular during these hard times.
  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    You can always get the Body Farm to take him in the interest of forensics (cough, cough!)
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Put the money you and husband have saved up into an account he cannot touch. Then tell him that you simply do not have any funds to contribute to a burial and that the state will have to pay for it. This is the result of spending your life as an abusive manipulative mean person who couldn't bother to think of anyone but himself and how he could hurt and/or scam someone. From what you have said about him, Buck likely enjoyed hurting others even more than scamming and freeloading off of them.

    Not contributing to his burial does not make you a bad person in any way, shape or form. I would contact that church of his, the one he scammed, and tell them that the family simply does not have any money to bury him and he will be taken care of by the state (or county or whomever deals with this). If they want to bury him or whatever, they are free to do so. Lots of times if a church has been helping someone and they die the church may choose to have a service or whatever.

    Around here the paupers do not get buried. They are cremated and the ashes are given to the family or else buried or put somewhere. Cremation is much cheaper and doesn't take up a lot of land.

    Let husband know that you won't support spending a penny on this because Buck was told to take care of it and he CHOSE not to. As you discussed this with him and he flat out REFUSED to even consider taking care of this, then he CHOSE to have the arrangements made by the state. husband may be more comfortable with the idea of the state taking care of Buck's body if it is presented as Buck CHOOSING to have his body and any funeral taken care of by the state rather than to think of it as the family refusing to bury him or cremate him or whatever. Point out that when it was discussed with Buck, he flat out refused to do anything about it which shows that he truly did not care what happened to his remains. That may make it easier for husband to not take care of the funeral expenses.

    While I would not wish sickness on anyone, it does seem like natural and logical consequences to the life that Buck chose. He could have made different choices anywhere along the way and had things turn out far differently. in my opinion this is simply what he CHOSE and to interfere in that would be silly.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I have found out more.

    After he was in the hospital for so long because he had bleeding in his GI track, he came home the other day. I didnt know this. His whole bleeding into his stomach was caused by him not listening to anyone who told him he couldnt take advil by the handful all the time. He also swore up and down that eating extremely hot peppers wouldnt hurt him. Well this is the second time since January he has been in the hospital for the same thing. Hopefully he has learned something but I wouldnt count on it.

    What happened this time was that he was out sitting in the backyard with the woman he lives with and some other people and he took more of his medicine while sitting outside with them. After a few minutes he said he was getting tired so he wanted to go lay down. When he started walking to the house he tripped over his feet and fell down and hit his head. Now why they flew him to Chapel Hill is beyond me. I certainly dont think he could have hit his head hard enough to actually hurt himself badly because he fell on the grass. difficult child got his head split wide open when he was younger by a cousin who hit him smack dab on top of his head with a log. It took over 20 staples to close the wound. My theory is he started talking and they thought he was out of his mind.

    As far as the donating the body to science, I read up on that this morning and they wont take anyone who is obese and they say a man who is over 200 pounds is too heavy. He is well over 200 pounds! Closer to 300.

    Tony didnt even want to discuss the issues of Buck dying. We had just said not two weeks ago that he was afraid Buck would be the first one to die and he didnt know how he was going to handle it when his sibs started dying off. I told him he would deal with it fine. He dealt with his parents dying and for heavens sake, no one has even checked on us when we have been sick! It took his sibs over a month to contact him when he had his stroke and not a one of them offered to come see him or ask if he needed anything. They never even asked about me when I was so sick and they knew because husband and Jamie were up there when they got the news I was very sick, unresponsive and the ambulance was being called to take me to the hospital. None of them offered any help to him even when they knew he was spending almost all his time at the hospital and was hardly getting any time at work so money was an issue for us. If nothing else they could have had a pizza delivered to him or something. I have done that when friends have had problems and even did it when one of Jamie's friends had a baby. I just ordered a pizza delivered to their house so one meal was taken care of.
  13. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I grew some incredibly hot peppers this year. I would like to send them to Buck.
  14. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    List of programs in your state: NORTH CAROLINADepartment of Neurobiology and Anatomy
    Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center
    Medical Center Boulevard
    Winston-Salem, N.C. 27157
    Phone: (336) 716-4369
    e-mail: mhillbrd@wfubmc.edu

    Ms. Nancy Cotton
    The Duke Anatomical Gift Program
    Department of Medical Education
    Box 3952
    Duke University Medical Center
    Durham, NC 27710
    Phone: 919-681-5471
    e-mail: Nancy.Cotton@duke.edu

    Department of Anatomy and Cell Biology
    The Brody School of Medicine
    at East Carolina University
    Greenville, North Carolina 27834
    Phone: (252) 744-2843
    Fax: (252) 744-2850
    e-mail: powersj@ecu.edu

    University of North Carolina
    School of Medicine
    Body Donation Program
    CB# 7520
    Chapel Hill, NC 27599-7520
    Phone: 919-966-1134
    Fax: 919-966-6354
  15. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm enjoying this.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The cremation group's name just dawned on me. It's called the Neptune Society. It' not uncommon to see in the obit section here "Arrangements by The Neptune Society". DDD
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well once again Buck is coming between us. I knew it would when he got sick. husband wanted me to find out whatever information I could so a little while ago I called back up to the hospital because when I called this morning he was still in the ER and waiting on a room. I figured I would wait till later and call to speak to someone at the nursing station. Just my luck I called at shift change so the current nurse hadnt had a chance to get updated on her patients so she put me through to his room. He is lucid enough to talk and sound like oh poor me. I asked him what happened and he said he just felt sick and tripped over his feet and fell down. I asked him why they flew him all the way up there and he said well they took me to the local hospital but they found out what was wrong with me so they needed to send me here. I asked him what was wrong with him and he said well he has blood on the brain and his stomach is still hurting. I asked him how on earth he could fall hard enough to hit his head that hard. Did he hit something on the way down like a rock or a table? Nope, he just fell on the grass.

    Now I have tripped in my yard, I have had my dog knock me over...in fact I have fallen down my front steps twice and fallen up them once and not once was my head the first thing that hit the ground! How the heck?

    But Tony is all freaking out because I cant tell him enough. I told him look he is talking so it cant be that bad. Tony said well what did he say they were doing? I said you know how Buck is, he just said they were taking care of him but he wasnt doing too good. Now Tony is all like...omg...I have to go up there because what if they discharge him, how is he gonna get home. I said look, I doubt they are gonna discharge him tomorrow so it makes no sense to go up there right away. I tried to talk to the nursing staff and wasnt able to. I told Tony to call them when he gets home but he says he wants to talk to Buck. I said look Tony, you arent going to be home until late tonight (he has been working on the Outer Banks) so you calling him up after 9 pm just isnt a good idea. Fine call the nurses station to ask questions but I wouldnt talk to Buck that late. Oh that didnt make him happy.

    I have a feeling he is going to want to head up there immediately tomorrow and stay until Buck gets discharged. Well that doesnt work for me. Number one I have to get things settled with my car...which I could use his help with ya know? Plus I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. I am not letting him take my van up there. No way. Our little pick up I dont even trust to drive that far.

    Im actually not planning on talking to this dealership about the car until Monday because I need the car this weekend because we have Monkey.

    And lets all not forget I am sick right now. Something is going on with my stomach because I get nauseated every afternoon and also get a bad headache and get the cold sweats. We are also trying to regulate me using Miralax but that isnt going completely well so that has my lower area not feeling well.

    Again, he will choose Buck over the rest of our family. Ugh. Now I do understand him wanting to go get him when he is discharged but I dont think we need to rush up immediately without knowing anything. Its just plain stupid. Again, where was everyone when we were ill? No where.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is just my way of handling issues like Buck these days. I find it effective.

    "I will talk to you about anything except Buck. If you do talk about him, I will leave the room/house/go to sleep, etc." Then I'd do it. Buck isn't your problem. Buck is Buck's problem. He made himself this sick. If Tony loves this monster, let Tony deal with it on his own. He doesn't listen to your input anyway. He puts this man before the rest of you.

    I simply would clam up and not allow Buck to be a part of my conversation.

    Hugs and I'm so sorry this is all going on. What a load of crapola!
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I agree, "This conversation is over" should be repeated whenever Tony brings up his name. Tony should be more worried about you, Buck's being cared for quite well in the hospital, he probably loves it there, he's catered to all day. You are the one that needs a hand. You aren't going to change Tony, but don't go down that rabbit hole and argue. This won't have anything to do with you...no more calls or discussions with Tony. Imagine Buck calling you when you were in the hospital, this is unneeded stress for you.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I did mention that absolutely no one came to our aid when both of us were sick. Well except my boys. And when it was Tony's father we went in a flash. You have no idea what that whole drama was like.

    Tony did talk to the nurses last night and feels better. He gave the nurses station my phone number in case we need to know anything. As far as right now goes, we are staying put.

    Now of course he is wanting to complain to me about everything difficult child does because I was mean about his brother. I dont think he realizes he does that but it happens every time. I was woke up this morning at the crack of dawn because he wanted to tell me he thinks difficult child went in his pockets and took some change. I dont think so. difficult child just got the check from working in KY and has his own money right now. I dont think he needs some pennies and nickles.