Oh Joy! Love getting woken by cops at 5 in the morning!

[keista]

Yeah, Please don't be telling me it's something I should get used to - I'll get there if I get there.

It felt like the Twilight Zone since it was DD1 (my difficult child) that woke me telling me the cops were at the door and it was "important" "lady, you gotta call the nurse M at the hospital"

Apparently mother in law is in critical condition, and they tried calling me because I was originally on all her directives, but she changed it to her son in CA and they couldn't get a hold of him. So since I was local, they sent cops out to me. They need another family member contact, and although I was on her original papers, since I'm not anymore, I don't count as family for critical decisions. Ah, hmmmmmmmmmmm. That puts me in quite the pickle. She did NOT want husband and 'that' sister notified of ANYTHING. So I explained this to the nurse, and she told me it was so critical that they overrode her current directive by contacting ME. So I gave her husband's # (cell phone which I have no clue if it's still active since he hasn't called since January) and then I looked up the sister's # (I came across it a few weeks ago while doing searches online) and gave them that as well.

And yes, there is yet another sister in CA but I have no information on her - she might even be out of the country.

So now if they're gonna contact husband and his sister, I KNOW there's gonna be some sort of fallout on me. UHG! Probably some difficult child rant about why I didn't' take better care of her or something! by the way husband had moved her into our house, and then he moved out 4 months later. mother in law was the one that caught them and confirmed "the relationship" to me. So he not only abandoned me and his kids, he abandoned his mom as well. YUP! YOU got it! My mother in law lived with me, my husband did not. At least temporarily, it wasn't a bad set up. I had in home child care, but....yeah.

AND now I know I need a new phone (or at least another extension in my room) because they tried calling 3X and I never heard the phone ring. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I had let mother in law take the good old phone when she moved out.

No sympathies for me, thanks, but all souls do deserve prayers. She was in a LOT of chronic pain - both physical due to a messed up body, and emotional due to a messed up life. She is better off. Ironic though that her birthday is in a few days.

 

[Hound dog]

Wow. Some paperwork needs changing. I hope they can get hold of her kids.

I was mother in law's medical POA for years and years. I used to wonder how things would play out if husband and I would ever split. But decided I'd still be her medical POA as long as it didn't bother her. Because even if husband and I had ever split I'd have still been going over and helping her and such anyway.

 

[TerryJ2]

So sorry. What a mess.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im so sorry..yeah kinda messed up.

I was in a kinda similar situation with Tony's grandmother who really legally I had no relationship to because Tony and I arent married. Grandma Sadie was in the hospital for the last time and all the grand kids were out of town, even Tony who happened to be working out of town. They needed a DNR signed ASAP and I was the only one available. None of my kids was old enough. I was on the phone with Tony and was so conflicted but in the end I had to do it. I was never so glad for him to get home to sign another one!

 

[keista]

Now that I'm awake, I'm kind of annoyed. She signed a DNR EVERY time she had gone into the hospital and I'm pretty sure she had a DNR on file with the assisted living facility. Apparently a patient has to sign a NEW DNR EVERY time they go into the hospital, so the one from the last stay (and previous stays) didn't count. And apparently if you call an ambulance for someone who has a DNR, the fact that you called an ambulance overrides a DNR and they MUST attempt to resuscitate. So, ultimately, what's the point?

So now I'm wondering how long I should wait to see if I hear anything. Obviously she took me off of her Medical POA stuff, but last I know I was cosigner on her lease (this was REQUIRED) and I don't know if she was able to change that since I was the only local contact. So I have to take care of that If I still am.

Are funeral homes covered by HIPPA laws? Will they let me know if they've received her yet? I really don't want/need to deal with more of this family's ****.

 

[keista]

So husband just called to talk to the kids. Only son was home, so husband told him. I know nothing else of the conversation especially since he didn't talk to me. I'm so glad the girls aren't home. I guess now that husband told son, I'm free to tell the girls?

 

[KTMom91]

Wow...what a mess. Hope everything gets straightened out quickly.

 

[Star*]

I am guessing she's gone? They DNR'd her? And now it will be a come to the funeral? DOn't you DARE go.

 

[keista]

Yes, she's gone. No, no funeral is planned. She had a pre-paid plan and did not plan on any services. Who knows if husband or any of his sibs are going to change any of that - I doubt it.

To his credit, he did call back to tell the girls personally. I had already told them. DD1 had virtually no reaction, and DD2 got a little sad, but not much. Shockingly, son seemed to be the most affected. At least the girls got a call from their Daddy (first call since January).

So now I'm debating if I should contact the assisted living facility to find out if I'm still the "responsible party" or should I wait for them to contact me? I really want my TV and chest of drawers that I had given her. I'd be really ****** if they just got rid of them and I was still the one on the lease. It really is not a big deal, but it's the kind of insidious stuff that eats me up. Kinda like the self cleaning oven she decided to scrub with a brillo pad, or the knives that were perfectly fine but she insisted on sharpening them and screwed them up. Or the drain stopper she decided to throw out because it didn't "match" That one really drives me bonkers since the sink drains are an odd configuration and it took months of hunting for a stopper that worked properly. A year later and I still don't have a suitable replacement. UHG! Yes, it is all stupid petty stuff, but the kind that gets under my skin (I do have other things that do this to me with other ppl, so It's not just a mother in law issue, it's MY issue) and I have to work very hard to redirect myself when I get on a "roll".

 

[DammitJanet]

You better call the home they will get rid of stuff fairly fast. they did it with Tonys grandma. I think within two weeks if Im remembering right.

 

[Hound dog]

FYI on a DNR

If the person who has the DNR does not carry a card stating they have one, medics will resuscitate. A DNR card can be given by any fam doctor. I know this both from nursing school, and the all out war I had with her pompous fam doctor who swore she didn't need one because he headed the medics in town and he'd just tell them. Uh, no. Doesn't work that way. Have to have the card or the actual written paperwork in hand. (we found out in a pinch that works too)

No patient has to redo paperwork for a DNR. That paperwork should stay with the patient, along with the card and living will.

I"m sorry she didn't make it. I guess that makes this moot, but it's still a good thing to know.

Hugs

 

[keista]

Yes Hound. Once you posted I remembered that she DID have that DNR card, but I guess it was in her wallet. And although the assisted living facility asks to have a copy for their records, THEY do not honor it. They call 911 and start resuscitation, and have the paperwork ready for the EMTs. In FL if the EMTs are called, even if there is a DNR they can decide to continue resuscitation. At this point when she got transported I guess none of her paperwork was transported with her. Even if it was, I don't think it would have done much good at the hospital because EVERY TIME she was admitted, they gave her "the hospital's" DNR form. It just seems that NO ONE wants to follow the written order they STILL want an immediate family member to make the call. The ironic thing is that this whole DNR awareness was heightened by a FL case where family was squabbling about the decision, and a DNR "should have" prevented all that. NOT

So, the good news is that I've figured out why I am getting so nuts about petty stuff - it's that time of month. The bad news is that fuel has been added to the fire. I called to find out what my responsibilities are to the lease, and apparently I have none because it's been paid up, but also I have no rights (I can't go and get the things I had given her)!!!!!!!!!!!! So husband and his sister can tell them to donate everything and I can't do a &*^&&^$%* thing about it! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

AND I tried calling the other brother to see if anyone had finally contacted him, and apparently his number is not his number anymore.

AND I called the funeral home to see if they received her yet, and no, they didn't.

I was gonna stay out of it, but I had made her these promises, and I keep my promises (I had never promised to keep in contact with her after she moved out - very gfgish thinking/behavior, I know, but I had to take care of my nerves/sanity first and foremost. Besides, she never contacted me either.)

All I can say is OY!