Oh she is so precious......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Her grandmother sent a Christmas card for difficult child with a check in it made out to me and a note asking me not to give difficult child cash, but to buy her something she needs like a coat, shoes, etc.

    So, I text difficult child letting her know that grandma sent me a check to buy something for her with and what would she like?

    She calls me with a major attitude and says can't you just give me the cash?? I said no, that was grandma's stipulation. She gets angry and her usual attitude and tells me please, she doesn't want to "f"ing flip out this morning.

    My response? "I will not deal with this attitude" and I hung up on her. What nerve!! Honestly. Does she think I want to give her anything at all right now??? Her problems in life are her problems and a direct result of her choices. I refuse to be a doormat any longer. I am not even inviting her over for Christmas dinner because I know I will deal with that and I am not about to have yet another Christmas ruined by her...

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Grandma seems to have gotten it, HMM?

    ...I have an idea, use the check to pay to change your phone number?! That's for her, right? So you don't reach through the phone and strangle her?
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    LMAO.....good idea!

    My mother in law went through all of this with my husband when he was growing up - he was a major difficult child. She has definitely been there, done that. She is my rock. I love that woman more than I could ever put into words and I HATE that we live so far away from them now. So funny how much more important family is as you age, huh? I would give anything to have them close by...
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I'm sorry she's acting this way. I can't tell you how many christmases difficult child ruined by that same attitude. Over the years I was so hurt and angry with the way she was treating us that I returned many of her presents right before christmas. There were gifts I even did not give her and just waited until after the holiday to return. I couldn't understand why she wanted to be so hateful especially during that season, it made no sense. She never learned the art of playing nice to get what you want. Last christmas eve we found out that she stole easy child's credit card and got another tatoo. Made for a fun trip to grandpas house and a very quiet christmas day with noone feeling much like talking, except for her who acted like we shouldn't have been upset.

    If things stay good this year it will be the first christmas in many many years that difficult child is actually acting like she really wants to be with us and enjoying the company. I pray that it continues and that someday you find that same peace with your difficult child.

  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I did that the year she was expelled from school for selling drugs and then ran away with her druggie boyfriend. I took those gifts, returned them and paid bills. She ended up calling us the night of Christmas Eve because druggie boyfriend threw her out and she had nowhere else to go. I ended up picking her up and bringing her home and she was strung out and crashed. I ran to Wal-Mart to at least get a few things for her to open on Christmas morning. We didn't wake her up on Christmas morning because we knew she was strung out and needed to sleep it off. She woke up late in the afternoon, completely upset that we didn't wake her up and devastated there was not much under that tree for her. She proceeded to throw such a tantrum that we had to call the police. Worst Christmas ever.

    The next year which was last year, a few days before Christmas she came over finally agreeing to go to rehab. I allowed her to stay here until then. We had a fabulous Christmas. It really was one of the better ones that we had in a long time. A month later we were back to where we started and she left for good.

    And now we have this year where I really don't even want to see her. Especially after that phone call this morning. I asked husband if we should invite her an boyfriend over for Christmas dinner and he said not really...lol. I feel like we should, like it is our duty, but I do NOT want to deal with that attitude. So, I will keep the plan of taking her shopping with us the day after. That way if she acts up, I can walk away. I can't walk away from her in my house and I do not want another Christmas of having the police here...WHY does she have to put me in this position?? Why can't she just act like a normal adult??
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh and I tried to explain to her why she didn't get much that year - told her she should have gotten nothing but a lump of coal for her behavior and the way she treats everyone. But in her mind she should have gotten this magical, fairytale Christmas...ugh...
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest


    I wish someone could answer the "WHY?" cause I don't get it either.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I do suppose if we had that answer, none of us would need to be here....I was getting my hopes up that she was finally growing up and making some positive changes and then BAM, slapped back into reality...
  9. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Cash it and put in a savings account for her when she gets her act together.

    That's what my Mom did with my major difficult child brother. She held on to heirlooms and money (various gifts of 20 bucks or so over the years from various family) for over a decade and didn't give them to him until he had proven he wouldn't buy drugs, or pawn them off. When my brother had over a year of being sober, she gave him the money (around 3 or 4 hundred). He understood why she did what she did, and actually was VERY GRATEFUL that she did what she did.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I agree with Dazed.

    The money will not "expire"...so you can get her something when she can treat you with respect and decency...not a moment before...regardless of the holiday.

    After all, a very happy February 3rd will beat a Miserable Christmas...
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

  12. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think holding off on spending the money is a good idea as well. And obviously if this happens again, just buy a gift with the money and say "this is from Grandma" instead of letting her know about the money. Don't you hate when you have to pre-think everything you do, instead of telling them things like you would a "normal" person?!
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You do NOT have to invite her druggie boyfriend to your home for ANY reason. There is no SHOULD about it. Do you REALLY want him in the home as an influence on your easy child? I would only invite her and would not provide transport. Also tell her she can be there from x time to y time, about an hour or two, but then she will have to go as you have plans. You do NOT have to tell her your plan is to stay home and nap or enjoy the day or whatever. Just plans. PERIOD.

    I think you should use the $ from Gma to get yourself a massage. Then you won't be so tense you strangle difficult child. That would be a fabulous gift for your difficult child, in my opinion.
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Interesting...came out of the shower to a voicemail from her apologizing for being a "b" this morning and asked me to call her back. Nice that she apologized but I just don't feel like calling her back right now....
  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    What I have noticed is that when difficult child is sober and at least trying to work on recovery he is thankful for what we do give him and much more humble... .when he is using he is just an a****. The entitlement kills me.... and I do fall for the niceness and appreciation even when it is pure manipulation.

    I say do what feels good for you. If you don't feel like calling her back right now don't call her back. My guess is she apologized because she knows that her attitude is going to get her nowhere... and if she can't get cash she at least wants a gift from gma.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Cash it and take it to Salvation Army and buy a kid on the Angel tree a nice gift - in her name. Then tell her you did something you KNOW won't make her f'ing flip out because you just know she knows how a kid on the street feels and especially one that wouldn't have had any toys at Christmas because of some of those friends shes had - and his Mother was a drug addict and his Father split had it not been for HER generosity. Maybe she'll understand that.

    Personally? I'd cash it and buy myself some boots because it sounds like you're going to need to kick her **** up on her shoulders and a nice pair or new boots for you should help. Your mother in law DID say get her something she'd need.

    I'm sorry PG - The holidays eventually DO = really - get better. These are just the ones that you sit back years from now and have a glass of wine while staring into the fireplace, watching your beautiful daughter in the kitchen laugh, toss her hair - and smile - and think -----MAN am I a tough old broad or what.