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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667633" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not think he is more invisible in a great big city. He is less so.</p><p></p><p>While in the short run, by leaving he may put himself in harm's way, in the long run, he has earned a very short leash. It will play itself out.</p><p></p><p>While my son goes to residential treatment mainly for mental illness, he leaves, too. Each time I am soooo hopeful. And each time, my hopes are dashed.</p><p></p><p>I am getting it. It is not about my hope. Really, it has nothing to do with me, anymore. Sometimes I think about mothers of explorers like Christopher Columbus or Ponce de Leon. Or Wild Bill Hickock's mother. I mean, before there were text messages or email. Or even my great-grandmothers, all 4 of them, whose children left and crossed the ocean never to return again. I mean, they lived their lives. Why can't I. I can.</p><p></p><p>I think neutrality is the way to go. Of course there cannot be neutrality about self-destructive behavior, but we can distance ourselves from it, legitimately so.</p><p></p><p>Your son already knows what you would say. It is already in his head. That's why he has not called. He knows already.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, knowing what I know now, I would try to be neutral. I would try to say few words. I would try to not get in the middle. He needs to find that place in himself that has hope and expectations. As long as they are in you, it will not work. That is what I think. I have not always thought that way. You know that.</p><p></p><p>I would try as best I can to focus on myself, and my other family.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would try to accept that he has decided. For now. He could decide differently, tomorrow, if he chooses. </p><p></p><p>What more is there to say? I love you.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad. You did not need this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667633, member: 18958"] I do not think he is more invisible in a great big city. He is less so. While in the short run, by leaving he may put himself in harm's way, in the long run, he has earned a very short leash. It will play itself out. While my son goes to residential treatment mainly for mental illness, he leaves, too. Each time I am soooo hopeful. And each time, my hopes are dashed. I am getting it. It is not about my hope. Really, it has nothing to do with me, anymore. Sometimes I think about mothers of explorers like Christopher Columbus or Ponce de Leon. Or Wild Bill Hickock's mother. I mean, before there were text messages or email. Or even my great-grandmothers, all 4 of them, whose children left and crossed the ocean never to return again. I mean, they lived their lives. Why can't I. I can. I think neutrality is the way to go. Of course there cannot be neutrality about self-destructive behavior, but we can distance ourselves from it, legitimately so. Your son already knows what you would say. It is already in his head. That's why he has not called. He knows already. If it were me, knowing what I know now, I would try to be neutral. I would try to say few words. I would try to not get in the middle. He needs to find that place in himself that has hope and expectations. As long as they are in you, it will not work. That is what I think. I have not always thought that way. You know that. I would try as best I can to focus on myself, and my other family. If it were me, I would try to accept that he has decided. For now. He could decide differently, tomorrow, if he chooses. What more is there to say? I love you. I feel bad. You did not need this. [/QUOTE]
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