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Oh what a night! Dropped son off at detox at 3am
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 679933" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>RN, you are going to be okay.</p><p>We get so caught up in all the drama of this, <em>we can't see straight</em>. It is like an artist working up close on a mural, sometimes we just have to take a step back to see the whole picture.</p><p>Except for us, the whole picture is not what we imagined, raising our kids. We did not imagine ever being at this crazy juncture.</p><p></p><p>You are working very hard at looking at this and trying to figure out what to do.</p><p></p><p>One thing that helped me, was to see things from the eyes and wisdom of my 14 year old son. He said</p><p>"Mom, why do we have <em>anyone living with us</em>, who will steal from us, so that we have to put key locks on our bedroom doors and you guys keep your wallets in the car?"</p><p></p><p>This resonated with me. It wasn't so much any more about what the kids were doing, and <em>how lost and desperate I was feeling over their choices</em>.</p><p></p><p>It was what <em>they were doing to us</em>, and <em>we were allowing it</em>.</p><p></p><p>That was an epiphany, a turning point. I am blessed to have my young son, and to think also, what I was teaching him through these crazy responses and putting up with so much disrespect.<em> </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I was teaching him it was okay. </em></p><p></p><p>If anything, keep telling yourself that by letting things slide, by continuing to step in and "help" him, you are teaching your son that what he is doing to himself, to you, to your home, your possessions, <em>is okay.</em></p><p></p><p>You will have a point where you will be able to say "this is nuts."</p><p>You will get there.</p><p>Because you have to.</p><p>Not only for you, your husband and family, <em>but for your sons sake. </em></p><p></p><p>It is easy for them to do what they do to us, because we keep forgiving, keep trying.</p><p></p><p>They think that we will put up with anything. And we have.</p><p></p><p>Our kids have got to learn how to care for themselves, and how to care for other people.</p><p></p><p>This, they have to learn the hard way, because it is the choice they make.</p><p></p><p>Well, then, they need to learn the hard way.</p><p>It does not mean we have to go the hard way with them, <em>to feel the ramifications of their choices more than they do. </em></p><p></p><p>That is what happens when we continually rescue, <em>we feel the consequences, more than they do.........so they do not learn.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will get there RN, and you will be okay. Keep stepping back, and looking at the whole picture.</p><p>It is hard, and gut wrenching.</p><p>It is absolutely necessary to be able to see it.</p><p>You can do this, you already are.</p><p></p><p>It is the hardest thing known to mankind, to have an adult child go off the rails.</p><p>We do them no good, by going off the rails right along with them.</p><p>It is imperative, that we stay on track.</p><p>By looking at this and writing about it, you are getting yourself together, back on track.</p><p></p><p>You got this RN, feel what you have to feel and<em> get it out</em>. Keep working at it, read as much as you can, go to meetings, see a therapist, anything you can do to get yourself back on track.</p><p></p><p>We cannot get the kids back on track, they have to be able to see it,and want it for themselves.</p><p></p><p>Switch your focus. </p><p></p><p>Start to focus on the only one you have control of, YOU.</p><p></p><p>Time for you to work on YOU. This is key, to being able to make changes and respond differently.</p><p></p><p>In order to get out of the drama, we have to look at it, and find the tools we need to rebuild ourselves, and break free.</p><p></p><p>We are all warrior moms and dads here. </p><p>Soldiers train hard. </p><p>Soldiers build up an armory to help with the fight.</p><p></p><p>The fight now, is to get out of the fog and desperation, so that you will be able to stand firm.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and find your shield, your armor to withstand whatever comes.</p><p>We do the best service to our kids,</p><p><em>showing them how to stand strong, </em></p><p>by standing steady and strong ourselves.</p><p>Firm in our stance that we will not put up with</p><p>anymore craziness in our homes.</p><p></p><p>Both feet on the ground, our brains in our heads, and our hearts guarded.</p><p></p><p>We are not only fighting for ourselves, we are fighting for our d cs to understand what they are doing to themselves and us is <em>unacceptable.</em></p><p></p><p>We are all training right along with you.</p><p></p><p>You will be okay dear warrior sister.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>Love and prayers and strength to all of us.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 679933, member: 19522"] RN, you are going to be okay. We get so caught up in all the drama of this, [I]we can't see straight[/I]. It is like an artist working up close on a mural, sometimes we just have to take a step back to see the whole picture. Except for us, the whole picture is not what we imagined, raising our kids. We did not imagine ever being at this crazy juncture. You are working very hard at looking at this and trying to figure out what to do. One thing that helped me, was to see things from the eyes and wisdom of my 14 year old son. He said "Mom, why do we have [I]anyone living with us[/I], who will steal from us, so that we have to put key locks on our bedroom doors and you guys keep your wallets in the car?" This resonated with me. It wasn't so much any more about what the kids were doing, and [I]how lost and desperate I was feeling over their choices[/I]. It was what [I]they were doing to us[/I], and [I]we were allowing it[/I]. That was an epiphany, a turning point. I am blessed to have my young son, and to think also, what I was teaching him through these crazy responses and putting up with so much disrespect.[I] I was teaching him it was okay. [/I] If anything, keep telling yourself that by letting things slide, by continuing to step in and "help" him, you are teaching your son that what he is doing to himself, to you, to your home, your possessions, [I]is okay.[/I] You will have a point where you will be able to say "this is nuts." You will get there. Because you have to. Not only for you, your husband and family, [I]but for your sons sake. [/I] It is easy for them to do what they do to us, because we keep forgiving, keep trying. They think that we will put up with anything. And we have. Our kids have got to learn how to care for themselves, and how to care for other people. This, they have to learn the hard way, because it is the choice they make. Well, then, they need to learn the hard way. It does not mean we have to go the hard way with them, [I]to feel the ramifications of their choices more than they do. [/I] That is what happens when we continually rescue, [I]we feel the consequences, more than they do.........so they do not learn.[/I] You will get there RN, and you will be okay. Keep stepping back, and looking at the whole picture. It is hard, and gut wrenching. It is absolutely necessary to be able to see it. You can do this, you already are. It is the hardest thing known to mankind, to have an adult child go off the rails. We do them no good, by going off the rails right along with them. It is imperative, that we stay on track. By looking at this and writing about it, you are getting yourself together, back on track. You got this RN, feel what you have to feel and[I] get it out[/I]. Keep working at it, read as much as you can, go to meetings, see a therapist, anything you can do to get yourself back on track. We cannot get the kids back on track, they have to be able to see it,and want it for themselves. Switch your focus. Start to focus on the only one you have control of, YOU. Time for you to work on YOU. This is key, to being able to make changes and respond differently. In order to get out of the drama, we have to look at it, and find the tools we need to rebuild ourselves, and break free. We are all warrior moms and dads here. Soldiers train hard. Soldiers build up an armory to help with the fight. The fight now, is to get out of the fog and desperation, so that you will be able to stand firm. Keep posting and find your shield, your armor to withstand whatever comes. We do the best service to our kids, [I]showing them how to stand strong, [/I] by standing steady and strong ourselves. Firm in our stance that we will not put up with anymore craziness in our homes. Both feet on the ground, our brains in our heads, and our hearts guarded. We are not only fighting for ourselves, we are fighting for our d cs to understand what they are doing to themselves and us is [I]unacceptable.[/I] We are all training right along with you. You will be okay dear warrior sister. Hang in there, you are not alone. Love and prayers and strength to all of us. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Oh what a night! Dropped son off at detox at 3am
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