difficult child has been surly and mean all week, and last night told me that one of his "friends" at school is threatening to tell his girlfriend something about him. I asked him if it was something illegal and he said, no, of course not. So I said, "Something potentially embarassing, then," and he was quiet. Lord knows, he wont' tell me. At any rate, we went to therapy tonight and he was an absolute jerk to the therapist and at the end of the session, the dr told difficult child that we adults had done all the work during the session and that "I don't know" and "I can't think of anything" are not appropriate answers, and that he was very upset with and disappointed in his behavior and expected better next time. husband and I took separate cars (he had a dental appointment right next to the therapist b4hand) so he drove difficult child home, and I spent 1/2 hr with-P, at the assisted living ctr across the street. By the time I got home, difficult child had his friend, T, over at thehouse and planned an overnight. Sigh. Turns out there is no school tomorrow. I went to give difficult child his medications, and he balked because it wasn't exactly 9:30. Never mind that he's taken them as early as 8:30 and as late as 11 p.m. So he found some awful, disgusting "music" and played it to get rid of me. I stayed for nearly 15 min, playing around, making fun of the "music" and how none of the rappers could sing to save their lives, and the videos were inane and just as repetitive as the "music," and difficult child and his friend were choosing more and more obnoxious pieces. Finally, when the lyrics became louder and more vulgar, "Moth-- f---er," you get the idea, I said "That's it," and took the cord to the laptop (I think it was an oversized ipod thing) and phone, which actually belonged to his friend, and walked out. difficult child tried to block me in the hallway and swore at me, and easy child intervened. (I know that some of you would say I shouldn't have done that ... taken the cord, and by the way, I didn't know that his friend had brought over his own equp ... but all of a sudden, it hit me, how ghetto and vulgar this all is and how inured difficult child is to it, like it's all perfectly normal, and that's his status symbol. No wonder he treats me like cr*p. Not that he didn't to begin with.) easy child is home from school and I was really, pleasantly surprised by her reaction. She flew out of her room and gave him the what-for and he finally agreed to take his medications, but by then I told him I was not returning the cord(s). husband came upstairs to see what the fuss was about and difficult child told him to lay off and called him names, too, and shut the door in his face. His friend, T, came out in the hall and talked to husband and tried to be the peacemaker (interesting to see how everyone assumes these roles when a crisis hits). He said that difficult child is upset because I keep talking about how much younger his girlfriend is. Um, keep talking about it? I didn't find out until therapy today that she's 12! (He's going to be 15 in 3 wks.) And I didn't drive home with-him, husband took him home. And when I got home, I made sausages and OJ and cookies and never had a conversation with-him so what the h*** is he obsessing about? He is blaming me for everything that has gone wrong this week. Afterward, I thanked easy child and told her that I'd found the perfect therapeutic boarding school for him and she said, "What are you talking about? The min he skipped school last mo, I would have sent him straight to a military academy." I thought difficult child was too young, and she said she has two friends whose mothers did it. Ohh-kay. Validation. Gotta love it. She told both husband and me that she thinks we are so used to difficult child's behavior that we don't realize how bad it is, and she's been gone for so long, it really jumps out at her. Please keep me focused ... I intend to meet with-our investment counselor and tax acct on Monday (if they are in town) to talk about cashing in one of my IRAs, regardless of tax penalty, because I refuse to live like this. Forget retirement--I have to make it through the next 4 yrs. Plus, it isn't helping difficult child any, either. easy child said that difficult child is taller and bigger now and, yes, scary. Of course, she didn't act scared but she said he is more aggressive than he was b4 she left, and she sees it getting worse. husband, of course, always wants to keep the peace. Not going to happen any more. Remind me and ask me how far I've gotten with-my research, phone calls and planning, okay? Thank you.