Oh yeah...difficult child tried to steal from Kmart

[DDD]

evidently right after TDay...and got caught. He got a letter here yesterday
which said he owed them $200. You wouldn't believe his attitude when I showed him the letter. OMG, living with GFGmom has been awful for him. He
referred to "the x'ing cops", "stupid people" etc. Told me that they did not call the police but told him he would get a letter. The flannel tee shirt that he
tried to take was $12.99. He says "no xing way am I going to give them $200
for a twelve dollar shirt that I don't even have".

Now his GFGmom has spent all his money he doesn't even have the $200
to pay them and GFGmom, of course, won't have it either. What a crying shame it would be for this kid to end up arrested because of his Moms sorry
parenting. DDD

 

[Star*]

I don't know which is more sorry -

The fact that he doesn't see

Kmart isn't arresting him for the stolen merchandise and has a chance to get out of the shoplifting charge for $200.

That difficult child Mom stole his money and isn't IN jail for THAT theft and of course will not repay any of it and never be charged.

OR

The fact that he believed not living with you would be the better option.

I would take the bill to GFGmom and tell her to sell something NOW and fix this.

 

[klmno]

I like Star's idea. Unfortunately, I do think he still needs to learn that this didn't him the right to steal something. It just sounds like he's going to have to learn the hard way not to "lend" his gfgMom money.

 

[susiestar]

Gee, I would think that gfgmom would have the sense to give him the money to pay this. If he goes to jail then he won't have any money that she can steal. I would think that that would have her convincing him to pay it.

Or else she will use it as an excuse to kick him out and not pay him ever.

Didn't he just recently get out from jail and off of parole? Or am I confused. I would think he would have hated it enough to never steal again. Maybe the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) keeps him from making that connection?

 

[DDD]

No, he doesn't have a criminal record. When he was 11 or 12 he was charged with taking a small blade to school. This was ascertained to be a manifestation of his disabilities and no one at Department of Juvenile Justice thought any charge should come down and dismissed it pronto when they knew the facts.

Although I understand what you are saying klmno the legal system where we live is truly out of control and is to be avoided if at all possible. (In the USA there are 105 juveniles who were sentenced to life with-o parole...all of them for crimes excluding murder...and 77 are Floridians. Also his brother has the designation "felon" and five years of probation for one single crime of having ten Rx pills in a bottle in his unoccupied car.)

We are going to put up the money and have him work off each dollar. He is so lonely he probably will enjoy it. GFGmom's house is a pocket of families with criminal backgrounds and activity. If she does not return his
money by the stipulated date I will file criminal charges against her and let her pay the consequences. difficult child, with AS and ADHD, will not be saved again but since he lives with her and is so influenced, husband and I feel it is the right thing to do to take advantage of the $$ offer from KMart and hope he starts a new life clean. DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

Are you even sure it was difficult child? Could have been someone else using his ID...sigh. Never know.

I agree with you.

Susiestar...you are mixing up her grandsons.

 

[klmno]

DDD, I don't blame you at all for wanting to keep him out of the legal system- especially when he hasn't been a habitual offender. (Lord knows- look at how useful I think it is. LOL). I think a method to help him stay out of it, but still feel some sting and consequences is a good idea. What can be done to help him learn a lesson without leaving him destitute though if his mother doesn't return the money? I relaize you intend to file something against her (and I don't blame you after reading she took money for him while YOU were raising him), but how will that help him in the short term?

 

[susiestar]

Sorry I got them mixed up. That is why I asked.

I think avoiding the court system (I just cannot use the word justice.) is a very good idea. I hope he will do the work to pay it off.

 

[DDD]

I am as close to positive as I can be that GFGmom will not take his next check which I assume should be there the lst of January since he got his first (back payment) checks the lst of Decembr. That will be $600 and then by February lst he will have $1200 which will be enough for him to get into a place of his own. That's the backup plan. He will be eligible for food stamps once he has a place of his own so it will be doable although not as easy as it should be.

Of course a BIG problem is that he will be angry that I am "hurting Mom" and "want to control his life". I have no idea if he can transition even with the supports in place. She has been drumming into his head for well over a year that he is "an adult" and "doesn't need Mama telling him what to do". His love and devotion to his Mother is a bit like Stockholm Syndrome. She is an itch but because of the many rejections he has suffered at her hands he is very determined to be #1 with her. He doesn't understand that SHE is #1, any boyfriend is #2 and the place of number #3 is determined by what she gets out of him. It is totally sad. DDD

 

[klmno]

Of course a BIG problem is that he will be angry that I am "hurting Mom" and "want to control his life".

I can see him trying to sort thru that- so is there a way to have things in place to help him, without him necessarily knowing it or at least without handing it all to him up front, but being there as a back-up for him and letting him try to handle things his way, so he can see for himself how they are working out? It's not that I don't see where you are coming from- I just think the problem is that he needs to come to that conclusion on his own.