Ohio couple accused of abandoning adopted boy

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Dec 5, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Here goes another one ...
    And frankly, while I understand why they did it, I think they are wrong, probably mostly because I've dealt with-such similar issues with-my son. And of course, that they didn't tell him that they were leaving him forever. Jerks.
  2. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    So sad.:( What it failed to mention and I do hope they speak more about it in the coming days is did they even try to get help for him, themselves for him before doing this or did they just throw up their hands and give up without a fight? I'm not judging, just wondering out loud here.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My guess is that they did try. How tragic. DDD
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    The article phrased it like they hadn't, and I'm wondering if the reporter paraphra2sed q the social worker
    sorry cat on the keyboard
  5. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Until we have been at the end of that rope ourselves its hard to comprehend what those parents were dealing with, I'm not saying their way of handling it was right by any means, but can't help but wonder if they had any options?

    When I was doing advocacy work it became too clear to me that adoptive parents are not given the same options as bio parents. Saw a good family literally destroyed by an adopted child.

    Looking back at everything Angel put me thru... don't know if I could or would have hung around for all that if didn't feel obligated by putting her on the planet. I think this might be one of those cases where unless we walked in those moccasins ourselves; do we have a right to judge? Not sure if I'm just on the defense but the article seemed a little one sided to me.

    I personally am praying for all of them,
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Well, we don't know the whole story, for sure. But this idea of being able to return an adopted child like defective goods bought from a store has to remain extremely worrying. I don't see why the parents feel their commitment to the child was different because they had adopted him - truly speaking, the commitment should be greater. Of course people often don't realise what they are getting into and sometimes facts and information are concealed from the adoptive parents. The whole adoption issue is very complicated, way more complicated than most people will allow themselves to contemplate. It's not just about a little baby or infant arriving to solve a couple's childlessness and fill the gaping hole of desire for a child.
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I think it's wrong to "give up" on anyone regardless of kid/adult bio/adopted. Unfortunately the children's mental health clinic thru my county often encourages parents to sign court paperwork declaring their kid incorrigible; claiming it will help their child get services paid for by the state. When Angel was 12yo they were trying to get me to sign off on her, it wasn't to get her help it was to get her off their caseload because she was a PITA.

    It doesn't get the kid services, in reality it terminates the parental rights and often these kids sit in Juvi until they are 18yo. It happened to my neighbor all they wanted to do was scare the kid - 8 months and several thousand dollars in legal fees and still couldn't get back custody of kid. The kid ended up staging a suicide attempt in juvi to get himself transferred to a psychiatric hospital and that is the route they had to take to get their kid back.

    Another family having exhausted all services available fell into that trap and signed off on adopted 13yo (as advised by psychiatrist at clinic) here you can do that with a bio child but not an adopted one. The state kept the child in the home and charged every family member except her with abuse charges. Long story short ... girl didn't get into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she needed desperately, father died of heart attack during one of girls blow outs, mother $15,000 legal fees & 5 years probation (with-no contact anyone under 16yo) and her 15yo brother another $40,000 legal fees and sat in the state maximum juvi system until he was 21yo (only contact with mother was saw once across courtroom - they wouldn't allow her to see her son the entire time incarcerated.) Now the mother & son live together, the girl is a prostitute and drug addict who has 3 kids in the state foster care system - I sure wish someone had gotten her the mental health treatment she needed when their was still hope for her. Good chance the 3 drug addicted babies that were taken away from her would agree.

    I've lived with an out of control kid beating the **** out of me every day and endangering the lives of everyone under the roof with her. I was lucky that Angel just cut her sisters hair with steak knife and not her throat; lucky didn't break my neck when swung full body weight from my hair. I believe only someone who has actually lived in that situation could even begin to understand how a parent could be pushed into dumping a kid. Looking back now I realize by not dumping Angel back then that I had gambled with my other 2 children's lives; glad I won that time but explains why I don't gamble (I can't afford to lose).

    Sorry for this being so long, you all have a peaceful weekend
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So sad and there are no excuses. At least sit the poor kid down, tell him it's not his fault, get a therapist involved, do it in the most sensitive way possible...arrrrgh.