Ok, Buddy what do you say when he cusses at ya?

[Chaosuncontained]

I know you have mentioned that Q-Boy cusses at you. How do you respond to him?

Carson has (in the last 2 month or so) started saying ugly words at school. He directed most of his words at his teachers.


But tonight, for the first time, he called ME a bad name. A *ucker. I felt so angry. How dare he call me that! I washed his mouth out with baking soda and sent him to bed an hour ago. And he wanted to immeadiatley hang all over me, love me and say he was sorry. I told him that my feelings were hurt to bad to listen to his apology right now.


How should I have handled it? How do YOU handle it? I don't feel I can ignore it. He was in the Principals office today for calling the aide a "jerk". My first response was shocked anger. And I know that isn't right. Help me?

 

[buddy]

Oh wow, that IS a good question. If I could answer that in a way that would fix the problem, then I probably would not be here. It is such a hard thing because for Q he has a brain injury that makes him not have the breaks we have to stop those kinds of things. Then when he realizes he is in trouble he gets more anxious and ends up doing it even more.

So, really knowing that it WILL happen I have to be proactive and try to avoid the triggers, less stress, more appropriate choices, not box him in a fight or flight power struggle, etc. It is exhausting. I do make him write me letters at times, to show him how to apologize etc. But sounds like your son is all about the apologies (Q will say sorry, now can I have my tv?...ummmm nope). I make him do some kind of restitution. He has to gather the garbage and do it all himself. etc. When he aplogizes he needs to ask, how can I make it better?, then he needs to do what I say or he doesn't get to continue earning what he was trying to earn for the day. If he is stuck, like tonight I just have to ride out the storm. I have a headache. I have one for you too...sigh

 

[Weary for Hope]

K,
I know you weren't asking for my opinion, but I wanted to pipe in.

First of all - I'm sorry! That is tough, I know.
I have no answers, but an observation in my own situations where my son cussed at me. Boy, the first several times he did it - I WAS SO ANGRY!!!! It triggered something in me that nothing else had - really ****** me off. Then I remembered something a college friend had said - words only have the power that you give them. Once I was able to detach myself from a reaction to those words - ah...felt so much better. After all - don't they love to get a reaction? Maybe you don't have this problem - - there are many people out there who are calmer than me. But just something that I have learned along the way.

By the way - my son and I had a TOUGH night and at one point he yelled, "SHUT your FACE!" at me. Boy, even though it wasn't a swear word, terribly disrepectbul and it stung. But it helped to make my decision to say no to something he really wanted that night. I'm sorry, but you cannot treat me that way and expect me to go out and do this thing for you that you were hoping.

God give you peace and strength.

 

[Weary for Hope]

Sorry - forgot a signature

Me - 40
husband - 40
difficult child - 11, not diagnosed yet, but possible bi-polar, no medication yet