T
toughlovin
Guest
Well my board friends I am ready to join you on the couch with a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits!!!
Hubby got a call today from the sober house, difficult child was kicked out because he was caught drinking last night!!! I am not surprised, I was kind of waiting for it to happen because I really didn't feel he was very serious about recovery, but I was still hoping that he would get it.
I really didn't expect we would hear from difficult child.... but he did call me. We actually had a pretty good conversation. It was good because at this point I am not even mad. I am disgusted, fed up, done but not mad.... so I was calm and matter of fact. I think he was fairly (but not totally) honest with me. He started by saing he f***** up. He said he has been dirinking moderately all a long, ya know a couple of beers here and there, but last night he went overboard. I told him that is the problem he will always end up going overboard, whether it is genetic of whatever that is what he does. He didn't disagree with me.
Apparently there was rent money left over so they have put him up in a hotel for a couple of nights... and he is sharing a room with another guy who also got kicked out. He told me there is $25 left in his account but I need to call him for him to get it so he can use it for food. I said fine, I don't care, I will do that but that is it!!!! We are not giving you any more money. I just don't feel like fighting it or hassling it... let him have the $25 it won't get him far.
I basically told him it is his choice, using or not using... and it sounds like his priority is drinking and drugging. He said which is normal for kids my age!!! I said it is not normal to use something when the risks are so high, to use so that you end up homeless. That is not normal. I think he pretty much admitted that yeah his priority right now is using....
He admits he abuses substances but he is not an addict. I said I guess it depends on how you define addict.
At one point I said something about I was glad he was at least telling me the truth and he said well it is not getting me very far. I said telling me the truth my not get you very far in the short term but it is better for the relationship long term.... lying to me just ticks me off.
I did tell him it was clear he was not serious about recovery and he agrees... and he had been drinking I think as soon as he started at the sober house... so honestly this whole last tx etc. was just a waste of insurance money.
So he will get the $25 and I am done.
I called the sober house... and asked him what happened. difficult child was apparently really trashed last night.... on alcohol and Kratom (which I had never heard of and just looked up on the internet). It is some plant from SE asia that is like an opiate.... disgusting the number of drug sites where you can buy stuff off the internet but anyways so be it.
Thank goodness we did not buy him a bike!!!!!!!!!!!
So I actually am doing ok. We drove my easy child to look at a college a couple of hours away today which was good... enjoyed the college tour. I am feeling detached.
The sober house got in touch with someone in yet another treatment place and they called me. Honestly you can see this business... the sober houses kick people out and refer them to treatment centers who then when insurance runs out refer people to the sober houses!!! So I talked to this woman... and she was nice and understanding. She called to help and I basically told her he was not serious about treatment and getting help and that until he was I didn't want to do anything. That I would rather wait until he is really serious and save any insurance money for a time when it would really be useful. Right now he would just do the same thing.... and it will be a waste of money.
She just asked me if I felt I had exhausted all possibiliites and I can honestly say I have. He may end up dead, I know that and yes it scares me, but if he does it won't be becaue I didn't do enough to try and help him. We have given him every opportunity to get help and he is thumbing his nose at it.... so we are done until the time he can show us he is really serious about recovery.
I do like the private therapist he has seen again and I talked to him. If difficult child wants to continue to see him we will pay for that because the therapist really understands addiction and gets our difficult child. In fact at some point when difficult child calls us tired and hungry and wanting treatment we are going to tell him first he has to talk to this therapist.... because really I don't want to support him in treatment just to get a place to sleep for a month and then go back to the same old pattern.
So make room on that couch, lets have a cup of tea, some biscuits, and have a good long chat about something other than our difficult children... and in fact lets find a way to have some good laughs. I could use them.
TL
Hubby got a call today from the sober house, difficult child was kicked out because he was caught drinking last night!!! I am not surprised, I was kind of waiting for it to happen because I really didn't feel he was very serious about recovery, but I was still hoping that he would get it.
I really didn't expect we would hear from difficult child.... but he did call me. We actually had a pretty good conversation. It was good because at this point I am not even mad. I am disgusted, fed up, done but not mad.... so I was calm and matter of fact. I think he was fairly (but not totally) honest with me. He started by saing he f***** up. He said he has been dirinking moderately all a long, ya know a couple of beers here and there, but last night he went overboard. I told him that is the problem he will always end up going overboard, whether it is genetic of whatever that is what he does. He didn't disagree with me.
Apparently there was rent money left over so they have put him up in a hotel for a couple of nights... and he is sharing a room with another guy who also got kicked out. He told me there is $25 left in his account but I need to call him for him to get it so he can use it for food. I said fine, I don't care, I will do that but that is it!!!! We are not giving you any more money. I just don't feel like fighting it or hassling it... let him have the $25 it won't get him far.
I basically told him it is his choice, using or not using... and it sounds like his priority is drinking and drugging. He said which is normal for kids my age!!! I said it is not normal to use something when the risks are so high, to use so that you end up homeless. That is not normal. I think he pretty much admitted that yeah his priority right now is using....
He admits he abuses substances but he is not an addict. I said I guess it depends on how you define addict.
At one point I said something about I was glad he was at least telling me the truth and he said well it is not getting me very far. I said telling me the truth my not get you very far in the short term but it is better for the relationship long term.... lying to me just ticks me off.
I did tell him it was clear he was not serious about recovery and he agrees... and he had been drinking I think as soon as he started at the sober house... so honestly this whole last tx etc. was just a waste of insurance money.
So he will get the $25 and I am done.
I called the sober house... and asked him what happened. difficult child was apparently really trashed last night.... on alcohol and Kratom (which I had never heard of and just looked up on the internet). It is some plant from SE asia that is like an opiate.... disgusting the number of drug sites where you can buy stuff off the internet but anyways so be it.
Thank goodness we did not buy him a bike!!!!!!!!!!!
So I actually am doing ok. We drove my easy child to look at a college a couple of hours away today which was good... enjoyed the college tour. I am feeling detached.
The sober house got in touch with someone in yet another treatment place and they called me. Honestly you can see this business... the sober houses kick people out and refer them to treatment centers who then when insurance runs out refer people to the sober houses!!! So I talked to this woman... and she was nice and understanding. She called to help and I basically told her he was not serious about treatment and getting help and that until he was I didn't want to do anything. That I would rather wait until he is really serious and save any insurance money for a time when it would really be useful. Right now he would just do the same thing.... and it will be a waste of money.
She just asked me if I felt I had exhausted all possibiliites and I can honestly say I have. He may end up dead, I know that and yes it scares me, but if he does it won't be becaue I didn't do enough to try and help him. We have given him every opportunity to get help and he is thumbing his nose at it.... so we are done until the time he can show us he is really serious about recovery.
I do like the private therapist he has seen again and I talked to him. If difficult child wants to continue to see him we will pay for that because the therapist really understands addiction and gets our difficult child. In fact at some point when difficult child calls us tired and hungry and wanting treatment we are going to tell him first he has to talk to this therapist.... because really I don't want to support him in treatment just to get a place to sleep for a month and then go back to the same old pattern.
So make room on that couch, lets have a cup of tea, some biscuits, and have a good long chat about something other than our difficult children... and in fact lets find a way to have some good laughs. I could use them.
TL
