ok i give......i need some serious advice

[Marguerite]

Exactly, Suz. You just gotta make it convincing. And if he turns out to be the right guy, you will have a head start.

sister in law married a bloke her parents didn't like. He then persuaded his wife to move to the other side of the country. She told us she was only going for a year, to get her career established, but she has since had two girls and raised them there. The girls are wonderful people, but their home is there, not with us. They will never move back east and it's all because brother in law didn't want to live anywhere near his wife's family.
If only my parents-in-law had cultivated him, they might never have moved away.

I have BF2 living here, I know he feels uncomfortable at times because he can't wrap his head around our acceptance of him and his relationship with easy child 2/difficult child 2, but he is who she has chosen, so we accept him. I try to cook food he likes, I make conversation when I can. I know they want to move out, but can't afford it. I make an effort with him, even though sometimes I feel it's one way. I take an interest in his hobbies, I find articles he's likely to find relevant and show them to him. Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth, but he is slowly changing into the potential son-in-law we think we can stand.

Marg

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Jennifer,

word of caution - don't overwhelm her with all the rules and changes at one time. You will only "set her off".

I agree that removing the computer as punishment is a great idea! It's one I've used on both my children! As far as the phone, remove the long distance on your home phone. If both you and boyfriend have cells, there is no need to have long distance on the home phone. Also just wondering who she is calling to rack up that many bills?

I totally agree wtih the school stuff. Let the teachers handle it and let her pay the consequences for not doing what is required. If she ends up with bad grades and detention, so be it.

With the dinner, I would just let her know casually that dinner is at 6:30 (or whatever). If she comes in, other than from a school function that you ahve approved, after that, she's on her own. I wouldn't deny her the ability to get something to eat, I would just have the consequence be that she's on her own.

In regards to locking her out, watch out for that. I'm not sure, but it may very well be illegal for you to lock out your 14 year old.

Just wondering how she is getting away with all the truancy? If she is missing that much school, haven't you gotten called in for a hearing or something? I know that both difficult child's and easy child's school call the house if the kids don't show up for school. And, they are both in different school districts.

Perhaps she is just leaving school after it starts? I've never understood that. How do kids get away with just leaving the school campus? Doesn't anyone see them leaving?

Anyway, hope the new rules will work out for you. My biggest suggestion would be to start slow and not bombard her with all the changes at one time. It will be so overwhelming for her that she is unlikely to comply with any of them and then you will just be playing cop rather than parent.

Take every opportunity you can to talk to her mother to daughter. If things begin to get hairy, STOP. Don't buy into her attitude and don't further your frustration by stepping down to her level. If you have to, turn and just leave the room. Don't engage. She'll get the point eventually.

Sharon

 

[Jena]

sharon

hi thanks. she's not cutting school i'm sorry maybe i didn't write it correctly she's never left the bldg. at all during the course of hte day.

she has cut various classes usually her assigned extra help mandatory 10th period and a few times her first period.

thing is she loves school because that's where the action and her friends are. i guess i see your point with the lock out thing. yet it's ridiculous that i can't keep tabs on her, ya know??

she's a winner tha'Tourette's Syndrome for sure. i think she was feeling it a bit last night. boyfriend's kids were here and his older one and i have gotten close as of late. relationships take time kids and i have always meshed well but now i feel that all of our relationships are turning deeper more into a bond now. the kids are running up to me to make sure they kiss me good night a few of them have told me they love me it's all very sweet and touching actually that's the good stuff of it all. anyway sorry you know im' a rambler......lol........older difficult child mine and his and him and i were at table last night in kitchen after getting little ones to bed we usually hang with them. we do our thing they do their's but we're altogether. older difficult child kept trying to get my attention. i gave it to her but nowhere nearly what i usually do. i ofcourse didn't pour any attention on his older one that wouldnt' be right i always try to keep it balanced.

ok trying to get little difficult child off to schoool.........that's always fun