OK--I Guess Everything's Fine Now....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 30, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O, I just love it!

    I received a call from a counselor who visited the school this morning and met with difficult child....

    According to the counselor, difficult child is a delightful girl with lots of ambition who is working really hard to get her life back on track. She's an A/B student who just got a little sidetracked with some depression issues earlier this year. And now, she is doing chores, helping around the house, keeping up with her classwork and making up missed homework assignments. She is highly determined to get her grades up and get into college.


    I'm not sure who the counselor met with today, but I would LOVE to meet that girl. She sounds wonderful!

    Anybody else get the feeling that the person they live with and the person the therapist sees are two different folks?

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, yeah! According to the therapist involved with difficult child and me right now, my son was just "acting out" (her words) at home the past few years because I have not handled things in a way that makes him feel empowered.

    Gee....and the whole time I've been concerned that my son was starting to act a little too entitled.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gee...did your daughter have a twin that she pulls out for useful purposes? LOL.

    Actually that is the way I behaved. I could be good as gold when it was in my best interest. I think girls are more manipulative in this sense. Boys tend to put their junk right out there on the table for everyone to see. Girls, well, they hide it better and can fake it to make it. Makes those who really know them crazy.

    I have had people who work in the system tell me they would rather run group homes for 20 extremely out of control boys than for 5 girls. LOL. Girls are just that tough. Thats why it is easier to find boys group homes than girls group homes.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    No, Daisy, I think you were just temporarily out in the Twilight Zone! :rofl: So welcome back to your NEW and IMPROVED difficult child! Whew! What a relief, right? HA!
  5. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    My difficult child was able to charm everyone and also was so sincere about how she was going to do much better. She really made the people helping her feel good about what they were doing. You felt so good about helping her and the heart to heart talks were so meaningful and she really "got it" after one of those. I so know what you are talking about! I had to laugh when I read it but my sympathies surely are with you!
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, yeah...I gave up on therapy for Miss KT after the tdocs kept telling me, "She just doesn't understand why you're so upset. You really need to be more clear in your expectations, then everything will be fine."
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I thought you had Wiz there! The people at school just LOVED him and couldn't believe that he was violent at home! Half the time the adults thought the other kids were lying when they accused Wiz of threatening them or stealing from them.

    Wiz honeymooned at the psychiatric hospital for 8 WEEKS, until I triggered him by asking questions and not letting him squirm out of it by crying or having to go to the bathroom. Most of the docs and staff thought I was off my rocker when I said he was torturing Jess. He was just "so nice, so thoughtful". The therapist we saw most often and the head nurse didn't buy it, but they watched how he treated me and his sister, then watched how he interacted with teh girls during activities when the wings of the psychiatric hospital mixed.

    I had SO MANY people tell me he was the greatest kid, that they wished all their students were like this, some teachers even said they wished their own children were like him.

    NOT all boys are easier and up front. Some boys play the system better than most girls. So I totally know how you feel.

    Chances are she will sneer about and laugh at the people at school who buy her act.
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I think you need to be investigating a personality disorder with difficult child.

    A *little* sidetracked with depression???

    I think you need a new therapist, too. Unless this was the school counselor.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes, this was the counseslor for the entire school district (plus a few other places as well)....so she travels from school to school to facility all year long. And now that she has met with difficult child, she can really cross her of the list, since difficult child is obviously fine and getting her life back together on her own.

    I agree that there is more going on here than simple depression--but we have reached a point where the psychiatrists and tdocs are frustrated that nothing is happening with difficult child--they are making no progress--and now, funding has cut all of their other options.

    So I guess we wait until difficult child has her next outburst or gets caught somewhere she shouldn't be....and then we'll go around this merry-go-round again.

  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks everyone--

    I'm glad to hear that I am not alone in this experience. It really DOES do a number on your own sanity to hear the professionals tell you that your child is wonderful, ambitious, working hard in school....

    and then you see the child they were talking about get off the school bus, wearing the same clothes they slept in the night before, flopping on the couch, refusing to do chores, homework, refuses to shower and is even reluctant to come to the dinner table...

    I don't get it...

    But it sounds as if a lot of your difficult child's were able to convince the "experts" as well...

    Too bad they don't use these skills for a more positive purpose.

  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DF, sd psychs are usually not trained the same as other psychs so I wouldn't expect one to pick up on even as much as tdocs.
  12. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    difficult child never was able to fool the therapist -- which is probably one reason he quit going. But there is definitely an element of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. difficult child! Other people think he's wonderful. And he is. But he also has a very ugly side that he saves just for me.
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, I don't want to be too hard on this woman--she is clearly stretched beyond what one human being is capable of accomplishing. There are 43 schools in the district that she is responsible to visit...PLUS she is affiliated with some other non-school facilities, as well.

    With the 180 school days calendar, she might be lucky to be able to visit each school 4 times...and during each of those four visits, she must address the school children that the teachers and guidance counselors have identified as in need of extra counseling services. With 1500+ students at my daughter's school alone, I imagine that quite a few have been indentified as being in need of counseling....so that leaves just a few minutes for the counselor to make a quick assessment of each student, including difficult child.

    But, it would have been nice to get a vote for "Yes, I think we need to push for additionally services for this child"...

    instead of "O--it looks like difficult child has everything under control and is doing great."

    Realistically, probably too mcuh to hope for...

  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    DaisyFace, this struck a nerve with me as my difficult child is STILL doing this, and STILL pulling the wool over people's eyes.

    He was put through intensive socialization classes as a child. Between that and therapy, he learned to look cherubic, spout buzzwords, and say what he thinks people want to hear. All the while, he continues to be a holy terror.

    At his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) right now, they've been working with him on remaining engaged in the conversation when the topic is uncomfortable for him. As a result, he now points his head at you (He's Aspie, so he fakes the eye contact, same way I do), nods a lot, and says "yeah" over and over again when you're saying something important. Thing is, he still doesn't hear a word anyone says, he just looks like he does.

    One day it's going to bit him in the backside. Hard. At this point I'm just waiting for it to happen.

    Sorry that your school therapist can't see the real difficult child. Given her schedule, I suspect she's in the business of crossing as many people off her list as she can. If your difficult child presents well, then she's off the list and the therapist can focus on the other 1000 people. The system is messed up that way.

  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, wow, is that not deja vu.

    My saving grace in this arena was my best friend, L, who's husband was difficult child 1's baseball coach for his entire little league career. L spent enough time with difficult child to see the real difficult child.

    While other people commended me for raising such a kind and polite young man, L would just stand beside me and smile, then, as the person left, would say "and I have no idea how YOU lived with him". And meant it.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy.......This being said, the report already been written, may I suggest a battle tactic that we've used (per our therapist?)

    Delightful girl? Life on track, blah blah, blah.....yes did YOU write this? -direct question to counselor that DID write it. Then you say. M....okay "How about we allow her to live in YOUR house for....Ohhhhh (just look around at the ceiling) about a month." ???????

    THEN see what kind of report YOU write.

    Yeah- when we threw THAT out at the GCOC therapist that DELIGHTED in writing things like this after meeting with Dude for all of 30 minutes (I'm sure to make us look like complete and utter failure idiot parents) ABSOLUTELY SURE....then I said.....to our therapist....what do I do....she's an idiot. SO he suggested that we take dude to HER practice and see what she would say to him staying with HER for an overnight stay or a weekend....I blew it and said a month....but you get the gist of it all.

    Yeah - and when I DID? Golly were the next reports SOooooo vastly different. Like the Antartic and The Rain Forest.

    WHOT YOU don't want him in YOUR PRIVATE PRACTICE....PSHAW.

    Oh and not to get off track....but Janet darling,,,,,you have to rephrase the statement "boys like to put their junk out on the table." I was having lunch and now it's on my desk, screen, and sleeve.

    Daisy - it's NOT you......It's NOT you.....it is NOT you.

    Hugs & Love
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Tee-Hee y'all make me laugh and feel so much better!!!
    Of course it is just you!!!
    Maybe the therapist can cure you and then difficult child can be normal and the world would be a perfect place... la la la la la
    Going back to my fantasy corner.
    Jeff had to set our therapist straight 2 weeks ago. She kept focusing on punishments. How can you punish a kid who isn't even in reality half of the time? WORK on that...
    We have the "punishment" part down. LOL
    Sigh always something
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oops...sorry! Thats not a phrase I am used to so it didnt occur to me...lmao.
  19. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    SD psychiatric's only need a bachelor's. Pretty much just enough to make you dangerous, in my opinion....not enough education or training to be able to use what you've learned.
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member