ok...I want to know, enabling or just being a mom

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I want your opinions and I will let you know up front that I have already purchased the item so its just for arguments sake that I am asking this.

    It has been an unbelievable hot June here. Temps have been in the upper 90's to over 100 already. Yesterday it was 107. Our humidity is also really bad.

    Cory moved out into this small 4 room house that doesnt have any air conditioning in it so he has to have window units. The only one he had was a small 5000 BTU unit that would cool a small room. I had planned to make him live with it but with this extreme heat I just couldnt do it. Mandy is pregnant, it will still be hot when the baby comes and I can afford to get him a medium sized one that will cool their living room and bedroom and they can put the little one they had in the kitchen to use in there.

    It only cost me $200 to get the medium sized unit. It is energy star rated too with a warranty.

    Tony tried to tell me not to do this beforehand but then when he got home last night he told me to call them and tell them to come stay at the house while it was so hot! Ummm...we just got them out...lol. I dont want them back. I would rather pay 200 bucks for a unit and keep them in their place than bring them back to our house.

    I dont think what I did was enabling, I think it was being a mom. I didnt hurt myself financially, I helped my kid. Lets call it his birthday present. He has one coming up in July.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I do not think there is anything wrong with giving your kid a gift once in a while. It's not like he is out cavorting with drunken losers or anything. He's trying - isn't that what we always stand behind? As long as he's trying, we will be there for them?

    I think you just did a nice thing. I'm sure they will appreciate it and say so. You're a good mom/gramma.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know that I'm an official "PE-er" given my difficult child, however, I would have bought the ac for him and his family. That's just me. It's one thing to not give him money to go blow on something he doesn't need but this is reasonable given that he's doing his best to provide for his family (I think I remember that he is), and especially with her being pregnant. To me, it almost appears a little enabling to have him come back and stay with you just because the problem is needing cooler air and you can solve that problem more simply by getting him an ac and saving everyone the heartache of sharing a home again, when you don't have to. But that's just my 2 cents!! It sounds like maybe Tony misses them or does he feel a little protective of Mandy since she's pregnant?
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Heck, that's fine... The AC means they aren't moving back in with you!!!
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's what I think, Step- I don't consider it enabling if we are helping them establish more independence and they are doing their part and given that kind of heat and her being pregnant and the fact that they'll need it anyway once the baby is born, this is only feasible. And because it's not like DJ went and took a loan out to buy it.
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't consider that to be enabling either. You just did a nice thing for them. If you were giving them gifts like that every week it would be different but you're not. Air conditioning makes such a difference! We didn't have AC when I was pregnant with my daughter and I remember how absolutely miserable it was!
  7. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Definitely worth $200 to keep them from camping out with you all summer. It would certainly be miserable there with her being pregnant and one dinky little unit. The price seems quite reasonable and it will provide a great deal of comfort. They'll be paying the electricity bill, so I don't see this as being enabling.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also think it is really sweet because he tells me I am the only one who can smoke in his house...lol.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Here's another vote for NOT enabling!

    And what a great gift for the new family-to-be....!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! You came up with a win/win. Absolutely brilliant choice. DDD
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think it's a wonderful gift. I hope they both appreciated it.

    107? With humidity? It's 114 outside my door right now...but they say it's a dry heat...
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Not enabling at all. A great birthday gift :)
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    You're looking after the health of your kid and future grandkid. People die in that kind of heat, I wouldn't call it enabling. Keeps them out of your place? Added bonus.
  14. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Ditto what others say. As long as he isn't going to hock it for drugs or alcohol I think it was a nice thing to do for them.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He hasnt hocked anything we have gotten him in a long long time. Actually surprised me. I think actually learning what things cost and how hard it is to work for things has made a difference in him.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As it does for all of us! Now if my son can get to that point, I'll be more than grateful!
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Not enabling.

    SMART!! lol

    My mom offered to put in central air for us back in early spring when she learned that due to retaining water I have some real issues with being hot all the time, miserably hot......and then I have breathing issues which just make me more miserable. I did NOT ask her. And in fact when she offered I turned her down flat several times. Then she just sort of decided she was going to do it and didn't ask but TOLD me.

    She hasn't mentioned it for a long time and neither have I. My window units are doing ok and I can only afford to use them when it's at least in the 90's with high humidity. It's the humidity that really knocks me for a loop anyway, much more than the heat. That's not going to change with central air. So that may be why she dropped it. I'm not bringing it up because I don't want her doing it. If I had no other choices....well maybe, but we're ok.

    A gift is not the same as enabling. This has been a weird year as far as the weather goes. Mandy is pregnant. If I could do it in the same position, I'd have done it too. Pregnant in the summer is miserable to begin with........let alone in this year's heat. And a newborn can't regulate body temp so it would be unsafe to have the baby in the heat for any length of time.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa, if she offers again, take her up on it. I cant believe how much better my power bills are with my new central unit. They have cut in half. Over half. And that is with this awful heat and my house is so much cooler too...lol. I have struggled the last 5 or so years with an old unit that didnt work worth a darn and now that I put this new one in it is great. You will feel better and save power with a central.
  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I would have done the same thing. Especially with that heat, it is a safety hazard. Lots and lots of people die without cool air in heat like that. You did the right thing in my opinion :)
  20. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I come from a very generous family. My parents were generous (but not overindulgent) with my sisters and me and my sisters are generous with their passel of PCs.

    We had no trouble distinguishing between lovingly helpful and enablining.

    From where I see it, you are in the lovingly helpful camp.

    It's good to help our kids when we can. It's good to do something that may seem a bit over the top, just because we love and value them so much.

    You did good, DJ.