OK People.......I've Got A Serious Problem!!

[Hound dog]

easy child just called me from work. She had clicked on K's husband's MySpace page because he had posted new pics and she thought they'd be pics of Kayla's birthday.

Only they are nude (and frankly disgusting) pics of himself!

easy child was wretching as she was trying to tell me.

So. I went on and checked for myself. My supper is now in the toilet. My retina's are burned and I swear I'll have nitemares for a week.

I reported the picture to the administrator of the site. easy child is also reporting it.

This is getting way out of hand. And quite frankly I do not like the idea of my 9 yr old grandaughter cooped up in a motel room with the man day in and day out. He is obviously a mega perv with no limits to what he'll do.

K knows he does this. She has done nothing. She's doing some heavy duty flirty with some other loser on his page. I'm not prude by a long shot but this is making me sick.

Now my grandaughter is asleep in the room he's doing this in people. The room was dark except for his computer screen. No way was she at school. And what about the boys?

Even if I called cps I don't know they'd do anything. The picture doesn't concern kayla or the boys per se. D@mn and double d@mn.

Pardon me. I'm off to toss what's left of my supper.

 

[ML]

OMG DL I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. Love ML

 

[KTMom91]

Didn't you call CPS earlier this year? Maybe if it's a follow-up call? I wish I had an answer for you on this. I'm worried about Kayla too. What a tough situation for her to be in. Especially with summer vacation not giving her any kind of a break from him.

 

[Jena]

I would def do the cps thing also.......... it's a carp shoot sometimes they take it sometimes they dont'.

Wishing you luck

(((hugs)))

 

[Mattsmom277]

The pics don't have the kids in them, but I do think CPS should hear about this. obviously with them all in a motel room, he was doing this type of thing with the kids in the room!! Even if the kids were sleeping, nobody in their right healthy mind would take all of their clothes off, for pictures or even to just change into night clothes or something. A CPS worker will KNOW that. Then there's the fact that he took pictures, naked, with the kids in the room (sleeping or not, makes NO difference) to put on the internet. It displays an obviously sick sexual problem that is overtaking him to the point he would do this with children present. It is unacceptable and i completely understand your legitimate concerns. I am certain that CPS will also understand. I suggest that since you're request the site admin to remove the pics, that you take a screen shot of the page and save to a file on your computer. So that way if the admin takes them down, you can prove to CPS the pics, and that by the fact it is nighttime in the pics, obviously the children were there.
I haven't posted in so long I don't know. But I have faithful read the forums and have read your other posts with this situation. I think that you really need to capture a screen shot to save of the site, and make a CPS call in the morning. you can tell them the url for the site and if it is no longer displaying the pics, ask CPS for a email address you can send the file you store with the screen shot.
There has been so many clues pointing to something NOT right with this man, and these kids to me seem at high risk with this man.
i'm so sorry your daughter can't see what is going on. Sometimes those closest to the situation are the ones blind to it. You're a great mom and grandmother to be keeping an eye on this situation. I really believe that by continuing to report this man,e venutally he will be seen for what he is. He obviously has serious issues. Honestly, there is NO pitiful excuse to excuse this kind of activity with children in the room. It takes a fraction of a second to have the kids open their eyes. He knows this obviously. I am worried that he doesnt' MIND if the kids open their eyes while he is doing this. If he minded or worried, he would not do it Know what I mean?????
I can read in your post your gut is saying this guy is a huge risk. I really hope that you make that call. I would be leaning if it were me, toward not telling your daughter whats gone on for now. Let CPS be the one to bring this info forward. Your daughter may really need you if the fur flies. At minimum, some emotional support. For all of her struggles, she's a mom. And my gut says that she is going to eventually be forced to choose, the kids or him. Not both.
(((hugs))) for you Gramma. I am so sorry this is happening for a multitude of reasons. I want to be able to say maybe theres a innocent explanation. But having read your other posts, it seems he always comes up with some type of "innocent explanation" while more strange worrisome things occur very soon afterwards. There is a pattern developing, and perhaps each incident ALONE could be explained away, when a pattern forms, it all sounds so flimsy. No man in his right mind, knowing you already saw alarming pictures of the kids that he supposedly didn't know where taken (umm, sounds fishy that one too!), would take a chance naked with the kids in the room. And to put them on a site that he KNOWS family can access???????? I swear he is laughing at how he pulls it over your daughters eyes and does it right in front of everyones faces. I'm very worried about this creep.
Hang in there, you'll figure out what the right approach is. You've always done what was right from what Iv'e read. Im sure you'll figure out what to do next.
Stay strong.
M.

 

[klmno]

Try calling the cops and reporting him for putting porn on the web. (Isn't it illegal?) If your system works anything like ours, if you call cps they might blow it off. If you call the cops and tell them about this adding in that you grandkids are in the same room even if they aren't on the web photos- the cops might call cps and have more effect.

My gut feeling is that more is going on than is being plastered on the web.

 

[Marcie Mac]

Did ya check the local sites for sex offenders - if his name comes up, he is in deep doo doo.

I would save a screen shot and em it to the local police department. Even if he wouldn't have kids living in the same household, anybody can come across that photo..

Yuck

Marcie

 

[Hound dog]

M we can nix the not telling K. I already fired off an email to her. But in it I also pointed out the disturbing pattern. As well as told her I reported him to MySpace as did both her sisters. MySpace has been known to press charges for such photos.

I don't need to have his photo on the computer. MySpace keeps records. They have to. And now that it's been reported they will certainly keep a record of it. It's actually hard to "lose" cyber pics. Once they're on the net, they're there forever. Thank goodness because I would not be comfortable with his photo on my computer.

If she gets mad, so be it. I went with my gut. I'll put another call into cps there in the morning. Best I can do.

If I don't hear from her again..........well, after last time........I know I can survive it. Awful isn't it? But I can. My own code of morals won't allow me to ignore such behavior and the danger it puts my grandkids in.

I didn't attack K. I just put it out there. So we'll see what happens.

 

[Hound dog]

How do I call the cops when he's in Missouri and I'm in ohio??

MySpace is supposed to report this sort of thing to local police, according to my girls. And believe me, this was lewd enough to warrent reporting and filing charges.

Disgusting. Like I said......I'm gonna have nitemares for awhile.

 

[klmno]

Just do an internet search for the police dept in his town. It will give you a phone number, I'm sure.

 

[totoro]

I am so sorry. I would go with your gut and I think your gut is telling you what to do.
Those kids have to have a chance to be protected. It isn't fair if there is even the slightest possibility that something is going on.
Unfortunately you are the one to protect them.

 

[flutterby]

Ick, ick, ick. Trust your gut....but you already know that.

I'm so sorry for your grandchildren and for your worrying heart. Someone needs to step in.

(((hugs)))

 

[Mattsmom277]

You should be able to find the police station contact number online for his city.

It is a good thing that responsable sites will delete this kind of stuff and that they will store them.

I mention to please take a screenshot because CPS will NOT go through hassle of all of the red tape involved with getting a website company to release photos to them. It is alot of work to get a company to produce photos. Even if they succeed, it is a lengthy process. And if the pics get taken down, and if CPS takes this seriously, they will NEED that picture. Not weeks or months down the line from myspace Know what I mean?? I also know that sometimes without seeing it there, CPS and even the police all too often, don't want to do the work to check with myspace and get authority via court order to have the picture surrendered to them. Then since they can't access it on his page anymore, they often just make a note in a file somewhere, and move on, saying it was investigated but nothing was there now. Sad, but we all know no system is perfect and that workers and officers often will take the path of least resistence. Especially considering as sick as this whole situaitno is, a man putting his naked picture on the internet is not illegal and the kids are not in the photos so it isn't child pornography.

I'm proud of you that you emailed your daughter and told her. You seem so strong in your decisions, like you just know whats right for you and you do it. Gosh I wish I had that ability. I waiver and ho and hum and fret for ages before i can buckle down to decide what to do in situations like this one.

I hope it doesn't come down to losing your contact to your daughter or your grandbabies. I know you learned to accept last time and I know you would learn again. But it would hurt all over again and I would hate to see that. I hope your daughter realizes now what she walked out on when she cut you out of her and the kids lives, and will not want to lose you again.

You're a good mom and gramma!

 

[Star*]

I think -

I would find out the number to the local police - ask them to look at his photos. Tell them that he's living in a motel room with 3 kids and doing this in front of them. IF THEY don't call CPS and have the kids removed - no one will and it is a sick world.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this AGAIN. ugh....

and K is flirting with someone ? Double ugh.

 

[Shari]

If you can't find the number of the police down there, let me know. I know someone that was on that department a couple years back. He can probably get you a contact.

 

[DDD]

In Florida (and I believe most States) there is a toll free number that you use anonymously to report suspected abuse. Within 24 or 48 hours the law requires that an investigator make contact with the alleged perp. You
do not have to get involved beyond sharing specific information (write it down before you call so you don't forget the date, the MySpace page etc.) By using that type of number you don't have to play phone tag with an overworked, underpaid worker who may not believe there is an issue. It is THE LAW that contact be made if it comes in thru the 800 number.
I have my fingers crossed that there is no child endangerment involved.
Hugs. DDD

 

[house of cards]

If cps were to see this photo, I think it would totally change the view of the other photo of your gd. Did you save that photo as well? I'm praying that this works out right for the kids.

 

[Hound dog]

Ok. Here's the update such as it is.

Myself, Nichole, easy child, and about 10 of easy child's co workers all reported this picture to MySpace. easy child figured there would be strength in numbers.

I made a call to cps. Again they are supposed to investigate. Why because I reminded them of the photo of Kayla. I didn't make accusations, I simply stated strong concerns. (I've delt with cps before) The person I spoke with seemed mighty concerned herself.

We'll see where that goes. I did not/ will not mention this to K. She knows me. She's most likely guessed that was the first thing I did this morning.

I didn't bring police into it simply because cps worker sounded like they really are going to get off their duffs and do something this time. by the way I gave them the MySpage page address, and at the time the picture was still up. So if she typed it in......I'm sure she got an eyefull.

K emailed me this morning. I only just read it and replied. She was both livid and humilliated that her husband had done such a thing and we'd seen it. As many of you know this has been an on going problem. She swears the picture was taken in the bathroom when the older kids were at school. I'm guessing this is what her husband told her as that motel room would have to have one hellova huge bathroom cuz there was no tub ect in that photo. K swore to me when the kids are awake and home she is always awake and watching over them. She still states the picture of Kayla is innocent. But does admit that the sex stuff with her husband is out of hand and a major problem.

Sigh.

She says she has been planning to leave him. She's waiting on a spot to open up in the homeless shelter. She stated that they had a mega fight over the picture and all the other sex stuff he does. And that she was sorry we had to see the picture.

Well. I'd like to say I believe her. At this point however, based on past performance.......which may or may not be fair since it was over 6 yrs ago........ I dunno about the planning to leave him thing. I hope she is. God knows she has nothing to lose by doing so and everything to gain. But that doesn't mean she'll do it.

I offered up some advice for if she wants to leave and ways she can make it happen. But didn't take sides or push her either way. Learned that lesson the hard way and most certainly won't make the same mistake twice. When we brought her back here in 2000, she was "supposed to be leaving him". Instead, unknown to us for many months, he'd secretly come with her and she'd been in contact/relationship with him all along. Which resulted in her running off back to Mo with him 2 years later. Leaving us all burned badly.

The Mom part of me wants to offer her a place to go. But the pessimistic practical part of me won't let me do it. I've got quite a battle going on. It doesn't help that I know exactly what it feels like to find yourself in a horrible nitemarish situation, to feel completely alone in the world, with no one offering to help, not even family. Hoovers to the nth degree.

I'd love nothing more than to believe her. To offer her a safe haven to get her life back on track and put this scumbag behind her once and for all. I'd like nothing more than to give her all the family support this family can muster (and that's a hellova lot) to pull her out of that hades she and the grands have been living.

But while it's pure torture for me not to do exactly that.....There was no mention of that in my reply. And I feel like the lowest piece of dung right now. Why? Because my own code of morals as far as family goes is telling me I'm leaving the girl high and dry when she needs me and her family the most. Believe me, it's not sitting well at all. difficult child or not, that is not in my opinion what famiies do to each other.

Lordy. I'm a mess today.

I haven't called police. Maybe I should. I'm on the fence on that one. I don't want to alienate K if I can help it. And that would probably push her over the edge. Plus I don't know if this perv is violent. I believe he is very violent, and have past evidence to back it up by people who knew them before K came here in 2000. (although K currently denies violence) And I'm not wanting to put K in a dangerous spot. IE your stepMom got me arrested so now I'm gonna take it out on you.

I want to belleve K. I breaks my heart that I can't simply accept what she has to say as the truth. If I thought for even a moment that she was dead serious about wanting to get away from this sicko........I'd find a way to get her a bus ticket and she and the kids would be on the next one out of town. We'd make it work. Even at the risk of being burned again.

But I'm afraid this wack job has had her in his clutches since she was 14 and has her so thoughroughly brain washed that she may never be able to escape his grasp.

So for now I'm holding my cards. I have no clue what is going to happen. I'm a very sad parent. Because of a major difficult child decision 9 years ago K can't just email me and say Lisa I'm in trouble, help me please. And find herself surrounded by love and support and all the help she could want.

My God that rips my heart up.

 

[totoro]

I'm sending out strength and courage that she can find the will and the way to get out of this.
Hang in there.

 

[AnnieO]

I hope and pray that K does leave him. This guy is truly, truly over the line sick. And since you got someone from CPS who seems to care, I hope they can do something.

You are a wonderful mom and grandma.

I've got you in my thoughts & prayers. Cyber hugs & some Kevlar for the Warrior Mom armor.