OK - really????

susiestar

Roll With It
I am sending you a lot of hugs. This is such a tough time. Remember that this time will always be in your memories, so do whatever feels right for you. You need to respect your parents to some extent, but if you really need to be there, then GO. Marg and Janet have excellent advice. If being there is too much you can always go to a hotel or go home. But if you don't go you will always wonder if you should have or if something could have been different that you wanted to be different.

I hope that whatever works out is what is best. If you cannot go, could you get your mother to record your father for you and for Matt? Get him to tell stories of when he was little, or you were little, or whatever he will talk about?

(((((hugs)))))
 

Jena

New Member
hi

so what did you decide to do? i'd go also, she's in total denial and this is all hard yet your tough and youll be just fine. i am sorry though its' a sad thing and i think knowing you the way i've gotten to here you wont' be happy if you dont' go, you'll regret it. so please go! and matt well star nailed that beautifully.

(((hugs))) have a safe trip, stay calm and lots of love to you and your family
 

Steely

Active Member
My Mom just called, and said "I have been in total denial" and I need you.
I told her that I am on my way.
It is unprecedented that she is actually able to articulate this.
Just please keep us in your thoughts prayers. I need to be able it maintain peace about all of this.
It all seems too much.
 

Steely

Active Member
And again THANK YOU to all of you who echoed the same thing that my Mom just asked. I guess I just fell back into familial roles.
Hugs.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
Steely, that is really good news. I hope you have a really great visit with them, have some happy times. That is very possible, even in these circumstances. Just BE. Don't try to create memories, just accept what there is. And make your mother the occasional cup of coffee, or a meal, so she can also just sit with him and BE.

Be happy. Spend the time with love. Forget the past. That is where it belongs - the past. They are the products of their own tragedies and upbringings, you can't change that. All you can do is take yourself forward and do a better job with yourself than they did. Go as an adult, as someone who wants to share some good time together while you can. If he wants to talk, let him. Tape record him talking if you can. Ask him about his childhood, get him talking (if he can). Just chat. Do the "remember when?" stuff. And when you're both out of his room, give your mother a hug.

Marg
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
*HUGS* again Steely.
On the issue with Matt, I will tell you a little something about me I rarely discuss. During a very dark time in my life, I was heavily suicidal. The one thing that I hung in there for was that I had a sick kitten. And if I wasn't around, there was no one else to take care of her. When I got her, she had been dumped in a parking lot. She had feline AIDS and feline leukemia. She didn't see her first birthday, but I was able to give her several good months that she would not have had otherwise, and she got me through those darkest days. I try not to think about her much, because it still makes me cry. I had two other animals after her with the EXACT same markings, different species (dog) and different breeds, same personality and also arrived to me with fatal illnesses. I was never able to save any of them, but I always felt it was my kitten trying to come back to me.
But remind him of his dogs, and that no one will take care of them if he does something like that - you simply can't add them back to your household and shelters are overflowing. Remind him that they DEPEND on him, they NEED him, and they will always love him.
 
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