OK--What Do I Do Now?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    As you may remember--we have been taking difficult child for "testing"...

    The doctor said a couple of weeks ago that it looks like an "attachment disorder".

    I sent an email to the doctor about some of our frustrations with difficult child earning reward despit doing NOTHING and earning good grades despite not doing the required work. I also let the doctor know that I could see the medications were helping because difficult child did not have a meltdown over the weekend over an incident that in the past would have set her off.

    BUT however I phrased it, I have offended the doctor--who promptly offered to discontinue "therapy" since I seemed to think it was not working.

    So I sent a new email apologizng and thanking her and begging her forgiveness for not being patient enough with the therapy.


    I just want to run away.

    Life in my house goes on as before--locks, keys, sneaking, lying. I'm always on guard, I can never relax....I hate living like this.

    But now I have been scolded for not recognizing all the "improvement" that therapy has made. doctor pointed out that difficult child is all smiles during session and that difficult child often talks about how well things are going.

    Yes--obviously the problem is me and my negatve attitude.

    We still don't have a diagnosis from this doctor. I didn't even realize she was doing therapy--I was under the impression that she was "testing"...

    I feel really stupid.

    I just want to cry.

    I don't know what to do any more...

    Thanks for listening.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Here's my pessimistic veiwpoint that has developed after a few years of dealing with tdocs that never actually helped and a system that makes things worse, so take it from that standpoint- sometimes they assert that method when they want out of a situation. If you don't feel in your gut that they have the answer for your difficult child and family then they start pointing the finger at you, it's because they don't have the answer but don't want to admit it, in my humble opinion.

    I'm sure others can offer more supportive and positive input.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks, K--

    I don't know if that's it exactly...

    But I sure feel like dirt right now.
  4. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm sorry, DF, this stinks. I suspect that the doctor doesn't know how to deal with the situation and was looking for a way out all along. This way you won't be able to sue her for patient abandonment. You're not stupid, just really confused about reality. BIG HUGS!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I understand. This is why I completely gave up on therapy for Miss KT. It was never her, it was always me, and the reasons it was my fault varied with the therapist. As much as we might want therapy to help, it isn't going to do anything but drain your wallet and your patience if difficult child isn't on board with making the necessary changes. Many hugs.
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    DF, I agree with the others. A lot of our children are incredibly challenging. And not very many tdocs have the right sort of experience with dual or complex dxs to really understand how to help our children. BUT, they're in the expert seat, and often start out the therapy relationship reassuring us that yes, they CAN help our children. When they then find themselves in way over their heads, there's no graceful way to climb down from that position without losing face, so they attempt to get out of the situation another way, sometimes by blaming the parents.

    I'm not saying that this is the case with all or even most tdocs. Just that our kids are so very difficult to help that we're more likely than most to run into this issue.

    Sorry the therapist is letting difficult child run the show. That's not going to help anyone. Maybe the time has come to discontinue therapy with this one, while you try to find another who can better meet your needs. It can be a long dark road. We went through about 5 psychiatrists and countless tdocs before we found the right combination for our difficult child 1. He's still resistant to therapy and gives all of us the gears, but at least this psychiatrist can see through the behaviour rather than falling for it.

    Sorry you're having to deal with this.