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OK you PE-ers... need help with- balance
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 35579" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Thank you all *so* much. You've given me a lot to think about, both now and in the future. </p><p></p><p>husband and I decided that we need to stick with- the original rule. If grades, attitude, and behavior are decent, we can let the accessories slide. thank you's focus is so *not* on what he needs to be doing that we feel like we need to rein him in a bit. </p><p></p><p>Long story short, had 2-hour discussion with- thank you yesterday. We expressed our concerns. He's decided he's done with- the program and isn't going to work it anymore, in spite of pending transition and possibly putting that in jeopardy. He's decided school is a joke, he already knows it all, it's all repetition, so he's justified in flipping out in true difficult child style. We pointed out he's never actually demonstrated that he knows the subjects so that's why he's getting it regurigitated year after year. We are apparently to take his word for it. :hammer:</p><p></p><p>He continues to suffer a severe case of anywhere-but-here-itis. He's going to do great in school at next placement. He's going to do great with- peers in next placement. He's not going to curse at staff/teachers in next placement. He'll be able to handle a boss telling him what to do because he'll need the job. But if it gets too hard, he'll quit. Not a life plan geared toward independence, in my humble opinion. </p><p></p><p>So - do to get. He's adamant he's not going to "do" anything. OK, fine. His choice. He actually had the nerve to say that once he's 21, he's out of placements and he can do whatever he wants. He can wait until then for his music, Magic, and clothes. So why have we been going around and around and around???</p><p></p><p>I don't want to quash his growth or his spirit. I *think* I'd have a bit easier time if he would just *do* something, rather than float along. But it goes against every fiber of my being to contribute to his current interests when he's not giving us a doggone thing in return, but more importantly, not giving *himself* anything in return.</p><p></p><p>On an <u>extremely</u> positive note, we did have a 2-hour discussion. He didn't bolt, didn't lose his temper, didn't shut down. husband and I were pretty blunt about our concerns for his future and how he's not being an active participant in his own life. At the end, he did ask to go back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I asked him if he was sure or if he wanted to think about it a bit. He said he'd think about it, then broke down in tears and cried in my lap. Just about broke my heart because he is such a confused and lost child most of the time. His opposition really seems to be his definition and when you take that away, there's not much left. All I could do was tell him how *much* we love him and that we are trying desperately to make good choices for him so that he is able to learn to make good choices so he can lead the kind of life he wants to, whatever that may be, safely and happily. </p><p></p><p>He's still here, and in a very weird kind of way, he seems to be a bit relieved, which I can't help but worry about too because ... it's so passive. I don't think I want to define his world, but at the same time... heck, I don't know, maybe I want *him* to define his world according to my values which is of course ridiculous and hopeless and unrealistic. Like I said, you guys have given me a lot to think about and we're going to keep plugging away.</p><p></p><p>Thanks so much!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 35579, member: 8"] Thank you all *so* much. You've given me a lot to think about, both now and in the future. husband and I decided that we need to stick with- the original rule. If grades, attitude, and behavior are decent, we can let the accessories slide. thank you's focus is so *not* on what he needs to be doing that we feel like we need to rein him in a bit. Long story short, had 2-hour discussion with- thank you yesterday. We expressed our concerns. He's decided he's done with- the program and isn't going to work it anymore, in spite of pending transition and possibly putting that in jeopardy. He's decided school is a joke, he already knows it all, it's all repetition, so he's justified in flipping out in true difficult child style. We pointed out he's never actually demonstrated that he knows the subjects so that's why he's getting it regurigitated year after year. We are apparently to take his word for it. [img]:hammer:[/img] He continues to suffer a severe case of anywhere-but-here-itis. He's going to do great in school at next placement. He's going to do great with- peers in next placement. He's not going to curse at staff/teachers in next placement. He'll be able to handle a boss telling him what to do because he'll need the job. But if it gets too hard, he'll quit. Not a life plan geared toward independence, in my humble opinion. So - do to get. He's adamant he's not going to "do" anything. OK, fine. His choice. He actually had the nerve to say that once he's 21, he's out of placements and he can do whatever he wants. He can wait until then for his music, Magic, and clothes. So why have we been going around and around and around??? I don't want to quash his growth or his spirit. I *think* I'd have a bit easier time if he would just *do* something, rather than float along. But it goes against every fiber of my being to contribute to his current interests when he's not giving us a doggone thing in return, but more importantly, not giving *himself* anything in return. On an <u>extremely</u> positive note, we did have a 2-hour discussion. He didn't bolt, didn't lose his temper, didn't shut down. husband and I were pretty blunt about our concerns for his future and how he's not being an active participant in his own life. At the end, he did ask to go back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I asked him if he was sure or if he wanted to think about it a bit. He said he'd think about it, then broke down in tears and cried in my lap. Just about broke my heart because he is such a confused and lost child most of the time. His opposition really seems to be his definition and when you take that away, there's not much left. All I could do was tell him how *much* we love him and that we are trying desperately to make good choices for him so that he is able to learn to make good choices so he can lead the kind of life he wants to, whatever that may be, safely and happily. He's still here, and in a very weird kind of way, he seems to be a bit relieved, which I can't help but worry about too because ... it's so passive. I don't think I want to define his world, but at the same time... heck, I don't know, maybe I want *him* to define his world according to my values which is of course ridiculous and hopeless and unrealistic. Like I said, you guys have given me a lot to think about and we're going to keep plugging away. Thanks so much! [/QUOTE]
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