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General Parenting
Okay, callin in the experts on this one....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 73982" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think the biggest, loner-term punishment is going to be the natural consequences of having to earn back trust, BIG TIME. I agree with Heather, I was thinking the same thing - she offered to take the kids to the park so she would have an excuse to do what she wanted.</p><p></p><p>When talking to her about this, ask her what she should have done. Make it clear you know she just wanted an excuse, she wasn't simply being helpful; if she wanted to buy a soda (what are suckers? I thought you meant she had suckered some people at the bank into giving her money) then what should she have done?</p><p></p><p>Leaving the others alone like that was very wrong. You also need to deal with her over this without (if possible) dobbing in the other kids. Is it possible that someone saw your other two kids crying and they have since called you? That way the five year old isn't going to be blamed for tattling on her sister. difficult child needs to know that she is being watched, even when she thinks she isn't. Otherwise she will try to do this again, only she will also bully her sisters into keeping quiet about it.</p><p></p><p>The other question - could this have happened before? Has she ever offered to take the kids to the park, or similar, on other occasions? And was it just a soda she was looking for?</p><p></p><p>I do remember 13 - I was a fairly nerdy kid, but I remember girls I knew, who were in my grade, hanging around the bus stop corner in the town so they could flirt with the older boys. One of these girls got really angry with me when I let slip that she was in my grade (ie jailbait). </p><p></p><p>Having your little sisters with you is not conducive to picking up boys.</p><p></p><p>So I'd be grounding her - sort of - indefinitely. Go nowhere unsupervised. Account for your time going to and from school. No getting home later than usual, or mum will meet the bus. No going for unaccompanied walks. None of this until she realises what she did wrong, and has earned back the trust.</p><p></p><p>Homecoming - I don't really 'get' it, things are too different here. If it's supervised I would let her go. Maybe. If she's hoping to meet boys there, I would be really mean and put the brakes on, because she's just demonstrated that she's not responsible enough to be involved with boys.</p><p></p><p>Swings and roundabouts. You have to balance it all. SHE has to balance it all. If she wants the freedom to go where she wants, she needs to also have the responsibility to do what has to be done. Adulthood isn't a free pass with no ties. The sooner she learns this, the better her prospects will be.</p><p>As parents, we don't sit around all day trying to make up fresh tortures for our teenage kids. Instead, we spend most of our time organising our lives around the needs of the others in the family, ensuring that our parental responsibilities are met. If we stop with friends for coffee in the middle of the day, it comes at a cost of the time we had hoped to spend on another task later on. If we do nothing, the washing is not done and the stove is cold. No food on the table. Kids have expectations of their parents and yet seem to feel that adulthood = total personal freedom. It sure doesn't and the sooner she takes this on board, the sooner she really begins to grow up.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 73982, member: 1991"] I think the biggest, loner-term punishment is going to be the natural consequences of having to earn back trust, BIG TIME. I agree with Heather, I was thinking the same thing - she offered to take the kids to the park so she would have an excuse to do what she wanted. When talking to her about this, ask her what she should have done. Make it clear you know she just wanted an excuse, she wasn't simply being helpful; if she wanted to buy a soda (what are suckers? I thought you meant she had suckered some people at the bank into giving her money) then what should she have done? Leaving the others alone like that was very wrong. You also need to deal with her over this without (if possible) dobbing in the other kids. Is it possible that someone saw your other two kids crying and they have since called you? That way the five year old isn't going to be blamed for tattling on her sister. difficult child needs to know that she is being watched, even when she thinks she isn't. Otherwise she will try to do this again, only she will also bully her sisters into keeping quiet about it. The other question - could this have happened before? Has she ever offered to take the kids to the park, or similar, on other occasions? And was it just a soda she was looking for? I do remember 13 - I was a fairly nerdy kid, but I remember girls I knew, who were in my grade, hanging around the bus stop corner in the town so they could flirt with the older boys. One of these girls got really angry with me when I let slip that she was in my grade (ie jailbait). Having your little sisters with you is not conducive to picking up boys. So I'd be grounding her - sort of - indefinitely. Go nowhere unsupervised. Account for your time going to and from school. No getting home later than usual, or mum will meet the bus. No going for unaccompanied walks. None of this until she realises what she did wrong, and has earned back the trust. Homecoming - I don't really 'get' it, things are too different here. If it's supervised I would let her go. Maybe. If she's hoping to meet boys there, I would be really mean and put the brakes on, because she's just demonstrated that she's not responsible enough to be involved with boys. Swings and roundabouts. You have to balance it all. SHE has to balance it all. If she wants the freedom to go where she wants, she needs to also have the responsibility to do what has to be done. Adulthood isn't a free pass with no ties. The sooner she learns this, the better her prospects will be. As parents, we don't sit around all day trying to make up fresh tortures for our teenage kids. Instead, we spend most of our time organising our lives around the needs of the others in the family, ensuring that our parental responsibilities are met. If we stop with friends for coffee in the middle of the day, it comes at a cost of the time we had hoped to spend on another task later on. If we do nothing, the washing is not done and the stove is cold. No food on the table. Kids have expectations of their parents and yet seem to feel that adulthood = total personal freedom. It sure doesn't and the sooner she takes this on board, the sooner she really begins to grow up. Good luck. Marg [/QUOTE]
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