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Okay, callin in the experts on this one....
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 74111" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>in my humble opinion forget about the consequences and try to create a learning situation where there is no blame but reflection. Conequences in most cases just get the child thinking what happens to me and how unfair you are , the agenda moves towards dealing and enforcing the consequence. </p><p>So I would have a chat with your daughter , thank her for taking the kids and say that they enjoyed the suckers and soda. Then just describe in a non judgmental way , that the 5yo cried when she was left alone. Say that you are not interested in punishing her but you want to be able to work out a way where they are supervised all the time and you can still treat them to soda and suckers. You want her to empathize with a young child who does not feel safe and that a park is not as safe as she might think etc. You want her to reflect and discuss these things with you. One solution would be for you to buy snacks etc for them to take to the park. Basically what you have done is shown you want to trust her and problem solve. A consequence is likely to make her negative towards her siblings , they got her into trouble and less likely to want to take care of them. Instead of ' teaching them ' a lesson , why don't we take mistakes as a window of opportunity for learning.</p><p></p><p>Here is a quote from Jane Nelsen </p><p>Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children DO better first we have to make them FEEL worse? When people first hear this quote from Positive Discipline, they usually laugh as they think about how it doesnt make sense. However, when it comes to application, it seems that parents, teachers, and students have difficulty accepting that people do better when they feel better. </p><p></p><p>From the author Eli Newberger </p><p>The method of withdrawing privileges is essentially negative: I can't communicate with you, and so I'll hurt you if you don't mind me. The positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future.</p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 74111, member: 10"] Hi, in my humble opinion forget about the consequences and try to create a learning situation where there is no blame but reflection. Conequences in most cases just get the child thinking what happens to me and how unfair you are , the agenda moves towards dealing and enforcing the consequence. So I would have a chat with your daughter , thank her for taking the kids and say that they enjoyed the suckers and soda. Then just describe in a non judgmental way , that the 5yo cried when she was left alone. Say that you are not interested in punishing her but you want to be able to work out a way where they are supervised all the time and you can still treat them to soda and suckers. You want her to empathize with a young child who does not feel safe and that a park is not as safe as she might think etc. You want her to reflect and discuss these things with you. One solution would be for you to buy snacks etc for them to take to the park. Basically what you have done is shown you want to trust her and problem solve. A consequence is likely to make her negative towards her siblings , they got her into trouble and less likely to want to take care of them. Instead of ' teaching them ' a lesson , why don't we take mistakes as a window of opportunity for learning. Here is a quote from Jane Nelsen Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children DO better first we have to make them FEEL worse? When people first hear this quote from Positive Discipline, they usually laugh as they think about how it doesnt make sense. However, when it comes to application, it seems that parents, teachers, and students have difficulty accepting that people do better when they feel better. From the author Eli Newberger The method of withdrawing privileges is essentially negative: I can't communicate with you, and so I'll hurt you if you don't mind me. The positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future. Allan [/QUOTE]
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