Omg....Buck just walked in my house without knocking!

witzend

Well-Known Member
Set a mouse trap in the change jar, surrounded by pennies so that it can't be seen. Put some quarters where they can be seen about halfway down. Watch for fingers with bandages.
 

witzend

Well-Known Member
Better than a mousetrap, get an opaque jar and put enough bluing on the coins to not quite cover them. Make sure that it stays moist. He'll be covered in it. You don't even have to tell Tony what happened. Buck will know and you will know and Buck will know that you know and be at your mercy. Enough said.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I cant change the change jar, its a big pickle jar - the kind that you get at Sam's club. Tony would know I was up to something. I can mark the jar then turn it around so he cant see the marking. Only major problem with that is he can take quarters and put in pennies and we wouldnt really know.

I know he has been getting into the alcohol I have sitting making the lemoncello stuff. Lord he almost wet his pants when he saw the empty vodka bottles from where I started that. First he accused me of drinking, then he started his hyena laugh talking about drinking half of it would kill pain. I told him I wasnt drinking it, I was making a product something like vanilla used to bake with or make other things like lemon ice cream. He kept asking everyone if he could have some. They kept telling him no, it had to sit for weeks and then other things had to go into the recipe. He accused me of lying and that I was just drinking it behind everyones back. Ick, I didnt even do the lemon peels, I grated the peel so it has lemon zest floating in it...lol. Ive never seen anyone act so immature about something when they are well over the age where they can buy go buy alcohol themselves. I mean I could understand it if he was 14 or something. He really does act like he is delayed.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Janet, move your limoncello into your bedroom. Even if it is a hassle, get it moved. His reaction is NOT normal and he may have intended to take it while you were not there or worse.

Make sure that you take photos of everything you value in your home and keep them at Cory's place. Those may be the proof you need to show he is stealing from you. Why is Tony so oblivious to the threat this man poses to you - ALL of you not just Tony???
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
You need locks. And alarms. And some really good hiding places for stuff. All of which is not simple to do in a mobile.

UGH.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Yeah its not simple in a mobile. I dont know if Tony has given the code to the front door or not. Im not sure if he could remember it but probably so. He remembers phone numbers and most likely has a password somewhere. I doubt he could get in the back door because we removed the steps from there so you have to climb in and I cant do it. Tony and Cory can do it. Mobile home windows arent truly lockable so if you want in, you can get in but with him, I doubt he could do it simply because of his size and his supposed chronic pain. My windows are all about 4 foot off the ground so he would need a very strong something to stand on and there is only one thing that strong and it would be very hard for him to move and it would be obvious if he didnt get it back in the exact same place. Plus there is stuff all over that thing and he would have to remember what was on it and the placement of those things. I notice stuff like that because when things are out of place in my area, it catches my eye.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Janet, sweetie, you're a far far patient person than am I. Long ago this would have been World War III between me and Buckaroo, and I would not be the loser in the battle. This is a "game" I learned at my twisted mother's schizo knee, fine tuned by grandma who had passive aggressive manipulation (she had a sadistic ex same as my schizo aunt did) down to a fine art.

At this point?

I'd be calling the cops each and every single time he walks in when Tony is not there. It's called trespassing. It's breaking the law. It's not to be discussed with Tony. He's not being reasonable over Buckie poo. If it ticks him off, well hunky dory. Ignore him and just refuse to discuss it. Arguing takes two, when one refuses to play.......well, the discussion/argument is over before it started.

Don't bother to hide the line on the pickle jar of change. Make it as bold and brass as ever. Date that puppy, measure it daily. Buck is not bright enough to replace quarters with pennies. He wants to reach in and grab what he can at every opportunity. That big bold line will at the very least make him reconsider. Do the same with anything you want to keep him out of. Label most little stuff he might carry off in permanent marker with yours/Tony's names. Might not stop him but if he slips and goes to use it around Tony it proves your point that he just walks off with stuff.

Don't buy into that "you don't know how families work" crud. Because that is exactly what it is. It's not YOU who doesn't know how family works, it's Buck and TONY!! Family doesn't steal from family........nor do they just take things without asking (which is the same thing worded nicer), if they need it they ASK. Pure and simple. Nor do they barge in and just make themselves at home. Every time he does this junk you need to ask Tony how many times has his other sibs done this to him as an adult?? How many times have Cory and Jamie and Billy done this to each other as adults?? Bull hockey.

There would be so many booby traps in the yard and trailer, Tony would have an issue getting in safely. And at the moment.......I don't see that as such a bad thing. The man is ticking me off. Good thing oh Buck doesn't try that walking in here or he'd have buck shot for dinner or Molly at his throat. Good grief!
 

witzend

Well-Known Member
How about one of those cheap-o alarms we used to put on the windows when the kids were climbing out to get out at night? You could tell Tony that the door has been blowing open and you've been "heating the outdoors" while you were in the other room and had no idea! There's got to be some way of making him jump!
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Lisa is VERY VERY VERY correct. Tony and Buck are the ones who don't understand family. Family LOVES each other. You do NOT love someone when you go and steal their stuff. You do not LOVE someone when you shove your religious views down their throat over and over esp after you are told how this hurts them. Buck knows dang well that talking about his idiotic, uneducated religious views upsets you. He has known this since the first or second time he met you - years and years ago.

I would get those alarms (have Billy bring them home from Radio Shack, he should get a discount!) and they would be in place and if Tony turned them off I would put one under his head every night about an hour after he went to sleep and I would then set it off and let hm turn it off. Yes, I would - and my husband knows it very well. It is one reason he doesn't inflict people I don't like on me very often and almost never in my home.

I think maybe Tony needs a few home truths about his skewed view of family. WHat would Tony do if CORY did what Buck is doing???

I want so badly to just come down and run Buck off for you. I bet that Lisa and I together could scare the living hades out of him and make him run crying to some town far, far away.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
Lock the doors on the trailer even if you're home. Keep your car locked, including the trunk, even if you're home. Get into the habit of keeping everything locked up. Get anything like the limoncello and the change jar and put it somewhere unlikely. And if Tony objects, tell him you DO understand family, and this isn't it. You have a right to feel safe in your own home; family is welcome, as long as they behave appropriately (ie like family, and not like sneak thieves). Call the cops next time. Warn Tony and Buck that you will call the cops next time, Buck is not to come into the house uninvited. Not ever. Nobody is. And if he does, or anyone does, the cops will be called.

Cameras, alarms etc. If you have cameras rolling, make sure they transmit remotely to a hard drive somewhere, perhaps behind bookshelves. Don't have it go to your computer because that could get nicked and there goes your evidence. If you have an old computer, use that to receive the transmission. Maybe if Tony is confronted by evidence of Buck's bad behaviour, he will step up and protect you. Because this is YOUR place, yours and Tony's, and an intruder stealing stuff, pawing through your things etc is a violation. It is also dangerous - I wouldn't trust this creep to not attack you if it suited him. So stay safe, stay locked up (at least until Buck moves on) and stop feeding the beast.

Marg
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
What is extremely frustrating is we have never had this issue until Buck. Oh once or twice a year Tony's baby brother come's down to visit for a day and sometimes brings his wife but they are the only ones I actually like. Normally if he comes with his wife they get a motel because they want to have access to a pool. Its like a mini vacation for them.

I never did get off on the right foot with his family. Really they simply never liked me and I never liked them. Its a horribly long story but they tried to get Tony to dump me within the first six months we were together. It was really bad. I have no reason to like or trust even one of them. Tony does go down to see them and has taken the boys several times over the years but I havent been back to that area since we left in 1984. Not planning on going back either. I know there is going to be a huge firestorm when Tony dies because they will hate it when I have him cremated and only have a small viewing for my immediate family. Immediate family means me and the boys. I dont intend to have his entire clan at my house. My parents arent here, his family didnt show up when Tony got sick and they sure didnt show up when I got sick. No need to show up for anything else. The only time we hear from them is when someone graduates or gets married and they want a gift. We send a card.

One thing that I need to clear up. Buck is new to this religion stuff. When he left here in 94 or 95, he was so not into religion. He was totally into drugs. He was so bad off he didnt even come home when their grandmother died. Something Tony is still furious over. Buck turned into this religion stuff because this woman he has gotten himself involved with told him that they would pay for a ton of stuff for him if he got off drugs. She supposedly was in this recovery program through this church but I think it was only because she was running from charges. I know a few months ago she had a bench warrant out in one county close to me and Buck was afraid she was going to jail and he wanted to borrow money from Tony. I dont know if he borrowed it or not. I have my suspicions. I did a look up on warrants under Bucks name but didnt pay to actually see what the warrants were for and it said he had warrants out in SC. I think I am going to call the place in SC that it said the warrants were out of and give them a tip of where he is now. That might be why his license is suspended. He refuses to find out why its suspended, I think I will push the issue.

I think I am going to catch Buck alone as soon as I can and have a word of prayer with him and explain the facts of life. I want to do it when Tony isnt around so that if he tells Tony I said anything more than he cant walk in without calling and knocking I can tell Tony he is out of his mind. The calling thing is because Buck will sit somewhere up at the end of our driveway and watch for Tony to get home and he will follow him down the driveway and no sooner will Tony walk in the door and sit down so we can have a conversation at the end of his long work day, here comes Buck and we never even get a chance to talk at all between us. Buck stays until its time for Tony to go to bed. I really look forward to those precious few hours with Tony at the end of the day. I only get about an hour and a half to 2 hours if Im lucky. He works so hard and is so tired at the end of the day he can not stay awake past nine at the latest. I get little contact with other adults all day so my day revolves around Tony getting home at night. Buck showing up really irritates me.

And yes, Tony plays by completely different rules with Cory than he does with Buck. I am supposed to go get groceries this week from Cory because we let Cory borrow money last week. Buck has borrowed far more money and nothing has been said to him about paying us back. You can bet your sweet patootie I will be there next week asking for the 25 bucks that was used to fill up his car the week before last. Im sure he doesnt expect me to do that because he thinks he gave me 15 towards that tank but the 15 he gave me came out of the 25 Tony gave him so that wasnt even his money! Really he should owe me the whole 44!
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
When he runs to Tony to "tell" on you, and he will we both know it........you need to at that very moment call Tony on the behavior you expect from Cory versus the behavior you expect from Buck. Two sets of rules for "family"? Uh, no. It's one or it's none. Why does Buck get special treatment?

You need to point that out to Tony at every. single. opportunity. You need to drill it into his head.

I say that cuz when Katie first came when Kayla was a baby........Fred could see nothing of her behavior or lack thereof. The man was blind. He made excuses, then he made ridiculous excuses. Meanwhile he expected his other 3 kids to tow the line, follow the house rules, and even to pick up after Katie who refused to pick up after herself or Kayla. Let's just say thank God at that time I controlled all monies coming into or out of the home. I had to relentlessly show him he was holding a double standard, not to mention hurting Katie in the process as she sat in our house is basically stasis for more than 6 months. Took months (Fred was slow when it came to such things) but he finally saw what he was doing and did his best to stop.

Tony may hold Buck to a double standard but don't let him s*ck you into it. Buck needs to be following the same family rules everyone else follows. Alex is MRDD. He can get into my car or come into my home a literal wild child. It doesn't last more than a few minutes. I simply will not tolerate it. He can and will follow the rules of common decency or he will neither use the car or come into the house. Know what I mean?? Nor would I be doing the child any favors should I expect any less. Even M managed to conform to house rules while he stayed or was a guest in my home.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Exactly Lisa, that is my take on it too. Somehow Buck has managed to become an almost 54 year old parasite on society. He has learned to leach off everyone he can possible find. Right now its the church and all its members. In the beginning I couldnt figure out why he was going to the church over here next to our house considering everyone here had known him in his past. It was the church that his grandmother had attended. Well, evidently he has put on a rather good sob story and act for them and they have bought into it hook, line and sinker. I really shouldnt be surprised because one of the church deacons got the church to pay when that mans son stripped copper out of a trailer and the church paid to completely renovate the trailer so the son wouldnt get in trouble. No one offered us any help but then again that same church kicked Cory out so I guess we are sinners. Sigh. I have no clue what they see in Buck. That church has taken him on as their pet project and have paid his rent, paid his phone bills, takes him places free. He gets all his clothes from someone, people give him furniture, all the items most people have to buy. He brags about how he doesnt have to buy anything. And now he doesnt even have to drive half a mile to do his laundry and pay for the machines or laundry soap. He comes here and does it. I cannot figure out how someone who actually has an income could not even manage to pay his car insurance. He buys cigarettes sometimes but also bums them as often as he can. He was getting food stamps until I turned him in for fraud. Considering the punishment they inflicted on him he had to have been caught before. Of course he tells Tony he wasnt but in this one Tony believes me because he knows I know what the punishments would be. Or he thinks Buck just misunderstood. One or the other. He isnt quite sure which is going on.

He has no clue how to do a hard days work. Cory is much more disabled than he is and works rings around him. Buck stands there stares at him. And its not just because Cory is younger, its because Buck is lazy. Buck wants to stand there and run his mouth and not work. Buck is only 3 years older than Tony and Tony works harder and longer than Buck could ever think about it. But Buck thinks in his depraved mind that he is better than Cory and on the same level as Tony. As if. Buck actually told Cory's boss that he taught him everything Cory knows! As if. That wouldnt fit in a thimble.
 

Mattsmom277

Active Member
I'm all for keeping the peace in ones home, with a spouse particularly. I know you and Tony have had your share of discord, and under normal (or any other) circumstances, I'm all about maintaining peace with a spouse for obvious reasons. On the Buck issue however, Tony continues to wear some serious blinders. All the while, disrespecting your feelings, needs, hurts, upsets, etc when it comes to Buck. So for that reason, I concur with the locked doors and other tips already given. I concur for laying out the "Buck Rules". And if they contrast in ANY way with rules of your home for YOUR CHILDREN? Tough Buck. Because your KIDS and grand children have no reason to necessarily have the same house rules in your home as others, including adult siblings. Not to mention, your house, your rules for any company. You do not need to explain why or how things may differ from say Cory or Buck. There is no comparison. One is your child. That's it.

I think you may have to just say "Tony, you know I love you, but we have been round and round on Buck. I've come to see that we are not necessarily going to agree on issues that I have with Buck. This is however, not your mutually exclusive home, and it is never okay to force a person to be subject to hurt, theft, ridicule and (insert list). I have made a written list of how Buck WILL conduct himself in OUR home, when and under what circumstances he is welcome to visit, and these rules will be adhered to as this is MY home as well. There will be no discussion with Buck, and I flat out refuse to continue to argue with you. You and I are a team, so if you can't actively support me in standing firm on rules in our home, I will simply state that at minimum you are not to undermine what I need to feel happy, safe, content and peaceful in our home. The list of rules and a corresponding set of consequences is written up and I plan to tape it securely to the front door, and replace it should it need replacing. I will adjust the list according to anything else that may need to be added over time. These rules aren't "guidelines". They are the letter of the law in Janet's home, backed by the law if I am forced by refusal to adhere to them to contact the law. This conversation is over, with all due respect to you Tony, because I love you first and foremost and am never allowing Buck issues to interfere and cause strife between us again".

I would then post the dang rule/consequence list to the door. I would lock house doors and car doors. Beside the rule list, I would plainly put on a separate sheet, that under no circumstances is Buck XYZ (last name) to enter without knocking and being admitted by a homeowner, even if he has been provided the house code for entry. That he is NOT permitted to use the code under any circumstances, and all entry will be considered unlawful and will result in police being called and charges laid for criminal trespassing.

I think the days of tip toeing around Buck issues, of trying to get Tony to truly see Buck for what he is, to get Tony to understand how things go missing when Buck is around etc need to just be over. He on some level must know Janet, I think he simply doesn't want to lose his brother by facing the issues and therefore having to deal with them. Well, that means it's time for the Law According To Janet to prevail. You have every right to this. I realize Tony may go off on you. If you know that in advance, have a plan to force yourself to not engage in arguing and not to be too hurt by Tony defending Buck. Retreat to your room with a activity in mind to occupy yourself and give you two some space. In the end, your sanity hangs in the wind at the whim of this complete parasite. Tony may not ever be ready to face the situation head on. You on the other hand can forcibly control your own home. Period.

I just feel it's time for you to do what you need, even if it upsets Tony. Frankly, this issue continues to cause strife with you and Tony anyhow, while remaining unresolved and a ongoing source of hurt for you. At least with this scenario, it is strife with a purpose. And at least it ends your daily Buck chronicles. (I think I would even limit days of the week he is welcome, even at Tony's request, as in work days are out, that is YOUR time with your husband, short as those couple of hours are each day).
 

Tiapet

Old Hand
Janet, I continue to be concerned for you in this situation. It just seems like even with him out of the house it's escalating and he is taking even more liberties that actually are infringing on your safety and well being now. I really do hope that you listen to what is being said to you and take action. This can't go on. NO ONE deserves to feel unsafe, insecure in their own home. Especially when they are limited like you are and live a certain way. It is unfair to ask of you to change the way you have to live or walk around your house in fear of "him" walking in at any time or taking things.

It was and still is "crazy making" that is happening between him and tony in not believing you when you darn well know clearly what is going on. You are in my thoughts.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Well now Janet, we already know for a fact that ol' Buck has a major skill at ten finger shopping at your house. I don't think I'd be so quick to assume or take his word those church folks are quite the patsies he's making them out to be. I wouldn't be surprised to find out they've wised up already, or that they will in the very near future. Bible says to help those in need, not to be robbed blind or taken advantage of. Huge difference. Just takes them longer often to see that is really the case. They may or may not confront him on it, but the gifts and help with suddenly cut off completely......or already has.

Could also be he has some info from days gone by he's using against a few of them . Given Tony's relentless defense of Buck, I'm really starting to suspect that is the real picture there as well. (doesn't even have to have anything to do with you either, just something he is really ashamed of or whatever) That is how this type works. They will use anything at their disposal.

I wouldn't, though, be at all surprised to discover if that gravy train had left the tracks. He's not going to let you all know if it has.........oh, heck no! He's got to keep up the lord knows how many whoppers he's holding up in the air for you guys.

You have come to the point where you need to dig in your heels and no longer tolerate Buck manipulating your relationship with Tony and your life in you own home and your safety.

Remember your very good therapist friend whom you trust? Does she know the Buck saga? What is she advising you to do? If you've not discussed it with her, you two need a lunch date and that is exactly what you need to do.

((hugs))
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I havent seen my old therapist in months, not since June I believe.

I know I sound like a broken record here. Tony claims he knows all about how Buck is but then he goes on to say I just take him too seriously and should just let him rant and not take anything he says personally. In fact, Tony says some of the things Buck says often remind him of things I have said especially about being in chronic pain. To that I say absolute bs. For one thing I have never been addicted to the things Buck has been addicted to and I dont sit around screaming CHRONIC and TERMINAL every time I turn around. In fact, Tony had to go to the nursing station at the ER one time and inform them that I dont complain even when I am in pain but the fact that I had tears rolling down my face was a sign that it was incredibly bad because I simply dont cry. I live in pain every day and for me to be crying meant it had to be bad. Im also incredibly upset that Tony broke my trust and informed Buck about what medications I have been taking all these years because otherwise there was no way on earth he could have known I was taking anything. He left before I was diagnosed with anything. He shouldnt know that I take a thing to be honest. I keep everything in my room and I dont talk about it with just anyone.

This is just how odd it is. Billy is the only one in home who regularly uses mustard. Oh once in a blue moon when I make potato salad I will use a teaspoon or so but that might be twice a year or so but Billy uses it on sandwiches regularly. It never fails that when he goes in the fridge to look for his mustard it is missing. He set up Buck this weekend. He bought mustard last weekend. Showed the bottle to Tony when he put it in the fridge because he made a sandwich right in front of him and asked Tony if he wanted one. On Sunday Billy went into the fridge and the bottle was missing. Billy looked right into the family room and asked everyone....has anyone seen my mustard, I just bought it last weekend? Tony looked up and said..it was right there last weekend, it couldnt have disappeared. Buck just muttered, I didnt see it. Well I certainly didnt take it. Tony has to know. What would I do with mustard, I dont like it.

I come home and find doors open on cabinets. A battery was taken out of a cell phone. Why I dont know because they arent all interchangeable. I know someone was digging in my spice cabinet because I found a container knocked over and pushed so far back I couldnt even reach it and it was something I had just put in the cabinet the day before.

Tony wants to lay so much of this on Cory but I know its not him. He has no reason to come in and do that sort of thing. Maybe years ago he would have gone shopping in our pantry but if he wanted something from us now he would ask. We would be more than happy to give him anything. Tony keeps throwing up that I give Cory preferential treatment. Well yeah. He is my son, I gave birth to him. Buck is nothing to me. In fact, Buck is not even blood to Tony. He wasnt even legally adopted into their family. I have no idea how he got his birth certificate to say what it does but he put Tony's mother and father down as his parents. I know you can legally change your name as an adult but I dont think you can actually change your birth certificate. And Tony's mother was dead by the time this was done so if by chance they got a legal adoption over 18, I dont see how they got her added after death. Strange.

Of course we all know this is just my mental illnesses making me see things in warped ways. I just dont have the ability to understand how to handle normal families because I didnt grow up with siblings. I didnt have to learn to share. I was deprived. If so I say thank heavens.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
If he is lifting things from you and Tony, it is certain he is lifting things from anyone else who will let him close enough.

I didn't want you to talk to your friend the therapist for the therapist aspect of thing, but for the friend aspect. You've talked to her for years and years. The woman knows you better than anyone, maybe even Tony. She might be able to give you some good insights or strategies to use to empower yourself in this situation or to get Tony to listen to reason.

This doesn't have squat to do with your mental illness or whether or not you had siblings. There is more to family than siblings, for crimmy sakes. But that is why I told you to permanent marker in some fashion, initials or your names, of anything Buck would be able to walk off with during his ten finger shopping sprees.

Personally, I'd be finding a way to set Buckie poo up in a major way and make sure he gets caught with no way to bail. Billy is a creative intelligent boy gifted with gadgets. I'm sure he would probably enjoy the challenge.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I actually set him up with taking medication and had Tony place the medications on the kitchen counter right before Buck came over and then while Buck was in the house the medications vanished. Didnt take half an hour. I put some ibuprofen in the bottle instead of lortabs which is what the label said they were. He spotted that label and the bottle vanished within minutes. I only had like 5 in there so he wouldnt think it was odd that the bottle was out. I had told Tony it was an older bottle and handed it to him and asked him to put it on the counter because I had to pee real bad and was on the way to the bathroom. Worked out perfect. When I came back out, I waited for about half an hour and walked back to my bedroom to watch tv for a few minutes so I wouldnt be out there then when I walked back in there and noticed they were gone, I made a huge deal about where they were. Oh, no one knew. Tony kept insisting I must have taken them with me but I told him nope. I forgot to grab them. He kept looking in the cabinets but they werent there. Buck just sat there deaf, dumb and blind. The clincher for me was when he said, oh the lortabs on the counter? I didnt touch them. Hmmm, how did he know what pills we were looking for. I never said what I was looking for...just said pill bottle.
 
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