Omg....Buck just walked in my house without knocking!

[hearts and roses]

Definitely, put the Christmas Bell belts on BOTH/ALL doors. I have them just for the sole purpose of alerting me and the dogs when the doors are being opened. Also, I DO lock all the doors when I'm home alone - same reason, I want to know when someone is entering our home, no matter who it is.

I agree with Lisa, make sure the markings on the jar show at all times. Keep your booze in your bedroom closet. And if Tony asks why it's there - tell him, "Because your brother is an addict and a sneak and I don't like wasting my money on feeding his addiction and stupidity"!!!!

If he pulls up, I would be tempted to lie down on the couch spread eagle, butt naked and have him walk in on that on purpose. What a pita this continues to be. I swear, my blood is just boiling at how Tony is completely disregarding his committment to YOU first!!!

 

[DammitJanet]

I just may go lounge in the living room in all my glory next Sunday afternoon...lol. Ahh football in the buff. Been known to happen.

Funny story: years and years ago when the kids were in early elementary school we had finally gotten them to sleep. We lived in this old 2 bedroom house but one of the bedrooms was really big and had a huge walk in closet so we gave that to the boys and Billy had the walk in closet for his bedroom. We took the smaller room for us. Anyway, other than that it just had a living room and a kitchen and the living room had sliding glass doors out onto this concrete slab. Thats the way we got in and out of the house most times instead of coming in the front door. We kept these long blackout curtains covering the sliding doors.

Well this night it was rather hot and this house didnt have central, only a window unit in the kitchen so Tony and I were sitting in the living room watching TV. I, like normal, had stripped and he just had shorts on. It was pretty late and the only light on in the house was the TV and one in the kitchen. Suddenly the sliding glass door burst open and the 17 year old kid from across the field comes barging in the house to ask Tony something when he suddenly realized what he was seeing and he turned beet red, started stuttering and ran back out of the house. He never entered the house again without knocking. LOL. Im actually not sure where he is today come to think of it. His name was Tommy. Hmm.

 

[witzend]

"What would Janet do with mustard?" I'm thinking she'd put it in the fridge...

 

[susiestar]

I think you need to post a sign at the beginning of the property that says, "The Buck Stops Here."

Okay, got that out of my system, Well,maybe it needs another sign that says that "Bucks on the property past this point will be castrated"

Janet, lol on the neighbor kid barging in!! Reminds me of my 4yo cousin who took six kids from the neighborhood into the bathroom while my aunt was taking a shower. He wanted to know if he could go do something or other and he insisted that all of the kids had to go with him into the bathroom. That was the last day with clear shower doors, lol.

I do NOT think that being naked in the living room is a good idea. regardless of what you look like, Buck is the kind of person who would use that as an excuse to either rape you or tell Tony that you came on to him. Actually he would probably do both and given his ability to get Tony to believe him, I don't know what would happen. I am sure that Buck would see no problem with assaulting you. If you are out of the way, he can grab more of Tony's assets and of yours. He also would get you out of the way, and that would make him very happy.

Keep an eye out on the daily deal sites. There are also other sites that might have low priced cameras. At the very least, get a cheap big lots video camera.

I do think that mattsmom has the right idea. Buck has wrecked the last year or more of your life. If Tony cannot see this, shove it into his face and down his throat. If you want me to write a note to him and pm it to you, I would be happy to. If it would help to explain that this is NOT how family treats family, and if it would help him see how dangerous this man is, then I would do this with-o a problem. Or I could call him or you could call me when it would be a good time to talk to him and I would talk to him.

From now on, make sure that Cory is never there when you no one is home. Make sure you are out in the living room whenever possible while he is there. Thsi wll let you Tony that you know that Cory doesn't do X and didn 't take Z. It isn't something you do because you suspect Cory, it s something that will PROTECT him from accusation.

I would pay for the report on buck's warrants and past crimes. I would also call wherever he has a warrant and tell them where he is, that he is using, and anything else that might light a fire under them.

Start calling the cops every single time he does ANYTHING wrong. Esp coming in with-o you opening the door. If he is driving? Call the cops and tell them that h is driving with a suspended license and get him pulled over. Warn them that he does drugs and drinks and may be under the influence. Make sure you have his tag number and the make and model of his car so you can give them that. Do it every. single. time.

In the rules that you post, one NEEDS to be that Buck cannot come over on weekdays except for one specific day. maybe Wed as that is usually the night that churches have bible study, etc...

I hope that you can get him out of your life soon. I wish it was possible for you, the 3 boys, and Tony's brother Van and his wife could do an intervention on Tony. This Buck codependent thing is not healthy at all.

 

[katya02]

Janet, I'm so sorry. This is horrible for you. And not being believed by your SO ... I know what that's like. And it's NOT okay, it's sabotaging you. You deserve Tony's support. I know you know this, and you're in a very tough situation. I like the ideas others have posted, and the suggestions for talks. If Buck can get arrested asap that would be best for everyone. Extradited to SC, even better. He's poison, and he's going to keep stealing from you until he's arrested. I wish you the best in all of this, and I hope Tony wakes up.

 

[DammitJanet]

I just did a search and while I didnt go all the way because I wasnt going to pay for it, it appears there is an open warrant out of lake city SC. I couldnt see what for. I have no idea if that would be something that would suspend his license or not.

This suspended license really has me confused. In NC you have to do two things in order to get your license. I is have insurance and the other is take the driving test. Now if you come in from another state with an active drivers license all you have to do is pass the written test. You have to have an active license though and they check nationally to see if your license has been suspended. Now I dont know if they would actually catch you if you were from CA but trust me, they catch you if you are from anywhere on the east coast. Especially a neighboring state. Its just too easy for someone to hop the line if you get suspended in one state.

So when Buck came here last January he said he had an active license in SC. He drove to our house last Xmas when his car broke down here. Eventually in March I think he bought Cory's old car and he got insurance on it and got his license by turning in his SC license for a NC license. Now they would have run that license and if it had been suspended, he wouldnt have been able to get a NC license. Now I hear that sometime this past summer he got stopped somewhere in SC while going to visit his "woman friend" and I am betting it was in Lake City SC. Now suddenly after his insurance fiasco where he let his insurance lapse on his car and he had to pay fines to get his tags back he finds out that his license is suspended but he supposedly doesnt know why...or which state actually suspended it. Or I guess I should say caused it to be suspended. It is certainly his NC license that is suspended. But he is still driving! And making snide comments about Cory driving and getting tickets for it. Trust me that I keep asking why he doesnt find out what is up with his license because he is going to end up right there with Cory.

 

[Marguerite]

I'm wondering if he got suspended for DUI.

I have two words for this. Mods can censor me if they like. But - Buck off!!

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

I am wondering too. I wish Star would do a quick check for me...wink wink.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Marg - we can take that phrase however we want... and my brain hopped to a different note (back off), so you're probably safe!

 

[witzend]

Janet, did you ever see the movie "Gaslight"? The more I think about this, the more I believe that Buck is trying to gaslight you.

There are apps that will turn your cell phone into a spy video camera. Your screen stays blank and it makes no sound. The files are hidden. I would download one to your phone, and set up something like the pills with your phone in a charger pointed at the pills (or whatever) in a wide angle shot. Wait and see what happens.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh yeah I know he is. He turned up last night again too. Just as soon as Tony got home.

Tony hadnt even gotten in the door good and was washing his hands then opening the oven door to see how the cornbread was coming along and then opening the lid on the pot of stew I had made commenting the entire time about how dinner smelled wonderful when suddenly I yelled out "Oh heck NO, who the F is that?"

Trust me I knew. I could tell by the headlights as his car always parks at an angle in my yard. Tony looked out the window and said yep. I told him do NOT even open that door. If he walks in without knocking I am gonna blast him. Tony got the giggles and asked me if I was going to get the shotgun out and shoot him if he walked in the door. I said I should, people dont just walk in other peoples homes without knocking. Well sure enough, next thing you know, here he comes. I stood up and asked him what that thing was that was hanging by hinges that kept the cold air out and the warm air in. He said a door. I said why do you think people have doors Buck? To keep weather out. And? Well to keep people out that they dont want in. Exactly. The next time you come to this house, you will knock on that door and wait for someone to answer that door. You dont just walk in and assume that we are available for you to come over at that time.

Of course he shows up at dinner time and doesnt leave till its almost Tony's bedtime. He also sits there and argues about the most idiotic stuff. He gets stuck on some of the dumbest ideas. Like he thinks 100 year old scotch means they aged it in a barrel for 100 years and then bottled it and then someone keeps it for another 100 years. He says alcohol doesnt age once it is bottled, if you want to age it, you have to open the container...lol. OMG. No, that means it evaporates! Or gets drank by someone to look like it evaporated.

 

[Star*]

I actually think he should drink the kind of 100 year old scotch he thinks is ......oh forget it. Put that turd in the barrel, pound the lid on and be done with it. Better yet. We're supposed to go to Makers Mark distillery to crack open and sample the first bottle of it.....named for DF. (not kidding) When they empty the barrel? I'll ask for it, a lid, and a mallet. "LOOK BUCK there's a $100 bill at the bottom of that barrel!" Fini!

 

[DDD]

LOL Marg. I'm one of a large number of Mods I find your post "on point". LOL DDD

 

[katya02]

This issue with Buck turning up every single night to mooch dinner and hang out with Tony, ruining your alone time together? I think, from your post, that this has to be addressed asap. As in having a conversation with Tony in which you say 'too much' - Buck's daily visits are too much. Tell him what you've mentioned in other posts, how you're alone all day and look forward so much to Tony's company in the evening, your only adult company ... how you two need that time for YOU. Buck has made his choices, he's not in a committed relationship and there are reasons for that. His choice to live as he does does NOT give him the right to mooch off the two of you and ruin your only time together.

It's important to have this talk with Tony first and get him on board, because the next step is to lock that door - and when Buck shows up, you go and speak through the door without opening it, and say 'It's not a good time, Buck, you should have called ahead. Please don't come over without calling ahead in future. But I should tell you that weekday evenings aren't generally good times to come over.' Don't tell him when might be a good time, lol! Just be firm, don't explain or defend yourself. Just set the rule. He'll definitely get hold of Tony, which is why Tony has to be on board. Maybe, if Tony feels too guilty, set one night/week when Buck comes over for a specified time. Batten down the hatches and don't leave a single thing out, and follow him everywhere. Make him uncomfortable. Watch him like a hawk for stealing, and if he confronts you, tell him that every time he comes over, things disappear. That you've seen him walk out of the house with stuff he's stolen. Maybe he'll be offended enough to leave.

The issue here is Tony's support. I hope you can get it. But this coming over for dinner til bedtime thing every night? It has to stop. Good luck, sending hugs and best wishes.

 

[tiredmommy]

Janet~ try here: http://www.fcso.org/bookingsreleases