OMG! GFGmom Did It... BIG time!

[DDD]

I was dumb enough to think I could protect difficult child if I moved quickly. Once again I was wrong. Last night I spent tossing my cookies and trying to fight off a big headache. This morning I feel the aftereffects BUT am trying to get a plan together.

difficult child got $600 the first of the week and told me $1200 was on the way. I tracked down the apartment complex that GFGmom "had found" and talked to the manager, asked my State honcho son to check out safety concerns by and in the two complexes, with your help put together a grocery shopping list to help him begin prep for independent living, called him and invited him to go the Christmas Parade with me this week in his "new" City...etc. etc.

Lack of enthusiasm got me suspicious. I drove to their hous and asked him
"do you still have all your money so you and Granddad can begin to figure out what you need". Answer "No....but don't worry about it. It isn't your
problem, Mama." I pressed him. Then, I pressed him. Finally with great
reluctance he told me the truth.

"I had to give the money to Mom to pay the mortgage payments and stuff or he wouldn't have a house anymore. I love my Mom. I don't want to live
at your house anymore. Mom will pay me back. You can talk to her."

Sure as H, Mom came cruising out of the house and said innocently "I told you that difficult child didn't need Granddad to help him until February. Yes, I did
'ask difficult child' if I could borrow the money since he doesn't have to move out right away and he volunteered to give it to me."

I am still sick to my stomach this morning. I will be looking for the exact Statute that legally protects the disabled from exploitation. I will go
with her repay deadline date and send a legal, notarized notice to her that
if she does not return the full $1800 that the authorities will be informed and her career will be over. I will also include the six years that she took his child support and kids disability payments with-o giving anything to us who
were raising him.

I'm . DDD

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. I hate to hear that he is being abused and exploited this way. I think you should go ahead and have the repayment plan looked over by an attorney. It really should be in writing, though I doubt she would sign it.

Start looking for the statute now, and see if there are advocates for the disabled who help with this kind of thing.

I am just gobsmacked that she did this to her own child. Many hugs for you and Granddad, and for difficult child when he finally learns she won't pay him back.

 

[Star*]

Well, when you've had enough? You'll know it. Now you know it.

I'm so sorry for GFGson. GFGmom? Notsomuch.

Hope you're able to protect you GFGsons rights and legally recoup the money for him. OMG are you sure we're not related somehow? GFGmom and Dudes biodad? 2 of a kind.

I'm really sorry D3.

 

[TerryJ2]

DDD, don't get sick, get mad.
You're on the right track. Go for it.
Hugs.

 

[Pandora]

As an aside, you might have a talk with difficult child to clear up some things. When he said to you It isn't your problem Mama he was wrong. If your husband is the representative payee for SSI it is indeed your problem. Representative payees incur a legal responsibility to see to it that the money is spent appropriately, and this sure doesn't sound like appropriate spending. Out of curiosity how did your difficult child have the $600 in his possession to give to this woman? Do not let him get hold of the $1200, as my guess would be it will go the same route as the $600.

 

[Andy]

Google "Vulneralble Adult (state you live in)" and you will get a phone number to call and report this financial abuse.

Get the Rep Payee assigned ASAP so the checks are not available for her to steal.

 

[totoro]

It is sick what people will do to each other. I really hope he can recoup the money. If not maybe it can be a learning lesson... an awful one but.
When my Mom died I received SS checks each month. My Adopted Dad was supossed to use the money to help support me.
When he kicked me out the money was "supposed" to go to me, he told me NO it was his. First I didn't know about it, then I only found out when I was changing my last name back to my original name, he told me it was payback for taking care of me!

I ended up having to take him to court at 16 yo because he was still legally my "Father" and then garnish his wages for back pay...

People can be evil and horrible.
I hope you can get control and it is not difficult.
Get mad and no more throwing up!

 

[DDD]

Pandora et al, there were two checks. One for $600 and one for $1200. She "borrowed" the $1800 from him so they "would have a roof over the heads" etc. and told him she would give it back to him. I do NOT know if she is thePayee OR if he is the Payee. I will find out.

GFGmom told me "it's not big deal as I'm giving it back on January 28th or 29th when I get my college check. (Don't you love system players? ) She does not have $200 to pay to Kmart and I'm sure is telling him conspiratorially "we will take care of it so don't worry".

I am giving her to 2/1 and then I file charges. There is no way the money could come back if I took action this week. There is probably a snowball chance in hades that it will come back by 2/1. on the other hand, I can and will follow through on 2/1. This move was suppose to be a big positive event for difficult child
or at least husband and I were trying to cover all the bases so he would have a
fighting chance. As always GFGmom put herself about everyone. DDD

 

[roxy]

I haven't posted here in such a long time that I couldn't figure out my old login info. But this thread is one that I have some recent personal knowledge to share. I have a 24 yo female difficult child who is on SSI and SSDI. She was her own payee. She took up with an even bigger difficult child who turned out to be a heroin addict, and she began giving all her money to him. And I mean ALL her money. She then had nothing to eat, didn't pay any bills and began BEGGING from her neighbors. (OMG- how humiliating because I knew them). Anyway, I went down to SS office to try to get them to do something. I was told in no uncertain terms that it was none of my business, that she is an adult and if she wants to give her money away she is free to do so, and they dont' even have to talk to me. They were extremely rude. I told them that she is disabled, easily influenced, being taken advantage of, etc., and they repeated their position, which is that she is free to make bad decisions because she is an adult. The only thing I could do was to get a doctor to sign a form saying that she is financially incompetent, and then the would allow someone to be her payee. I asked her neurologist to sign the paper -- after he dithered for several weeks I finally broke thru his wall of bouncers (receptionists) and he REFUSED, saying that in his opinion since she is not MR, she has the right to make bad decisions. I doctor shopped, and finally found one who would sign the paper, and finally became her payee. That took about 3 months, and he stole about $5000 from her during that time, including hocking everything she owned, got her evicted, and he is now in jail, not because of anything he did to her, but because after I became her payee and he coudln't get money from her he committed an armed robbery. (Sorry this is so long, but it is just pouring out because it is so outrageous.) In any case, I suspect all your grandson will have to say is I gave it to her, and SS won't care. Oh--my daughter even lied and said that her check hadn't come when it had and they sent her another one that she handed over to him. I reported THAT to SS, and they said it wasn't a crime and they would just get it back later -- THEY DIDN"T CARE. So good luck with gettin difficult child MOM in trouble, but I doubt it will happen thru SS.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, I am so sorry, Roxy. That is horrid. I'm so glad you stuck to it. Bravo to you, and thank you for your input. The things I learn on this board!

 

[DDD]

Roxy, that is exactly what GFGmom is telling me. How sad it will be if she is right. Thanks for sharing. DDD

 

[KTMom91]

I'm so sorry, DDD, and unfortunately I can relate. Miss KT's father stole over $7,000 from her last year. He cashed in her college fund. Will she ever see any of it? I doubt it. Hope you're able to get difficult child's money back for him.

 

[katya02]

How depressing. I'm so sorry, D3. I was thinking it should be possible to report GFGMom to SS and get a Payee assigned for difficult child, and have SS go after GFGMom for the money ... then I read Roxy's post. Hard to believe except, with the government, I'll believe anything. But if there's any chance, any way of getting a Payee/Trustee assigned for your difficult child's future payments I'd go after it full throttle. Otherwise your poor difficult child will be broke forever, as GFGMom has marked him as her new source of income.

 

[DazedandConfused]

I don't have any experience with SS, but I'm a child who had a difficult child father that would take money from me. I will never understand any parent taking money from their child, especially a difficult child child that needs it so desperately.