Omg!!! I really need to hit someone!!!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Oct 12, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Today the last of the teeth being pulled were pulled. Great, wonderful........well not really we had numbing issues this time.......but it went ok. Just took forever and that was 3 hrs ago and I still can't feel my tongue or lower lip. lol

    No more than get home from the dentist and the phone rings. GUESS WHO?? One guess. Oh, c'mon I'm sure you won't even have to try hard.

    K (from now on known at Katie cuz the K thing drives me nuts) husband answers cuz yeah I'm in NO condition. I can hear her utter excitement and the phone is 2 feet away. Oh we're coming in on the 10:40 am bus!!! TOMORROW morning,

    OMG! I am soooooo p*ssed!:mad: She didn't even bother to attempt to go to the library and contact me so that plans could be made. grrrrrrr

    So, even in my current drugged state I had husband ask her how much money they had left after bus fair. Well they had to pay 100.00 toward the fair........sooooooooo Drumroll please........... 102.00!!! OMG that is 2 f-ing nites in the motel room!!! No money for food! :mad::mad::mad:

    Ok. I am not mad she's coming. I AM mad over the money. I've been telling katie over and over and over again she had to have plenty to cover the motel and food because the shelter might be full.

    102.00 :faint:

    I am supposed to be in bed now..........but I am soooooo furious I can't think straight.

    Ok. They took her food stamps. It's just as possible they took a percentage of any money her husband earned working for them........and if katie got a welfare check they may have taken that for "room and board". I'll concede that much as obviously this place just taking her foodstamp card and spending it as they saw fit.......they aren't quite on the up and up to begin with. According to 2-4 panic messages from katie the shelter has been close to being shut down by the state several time and their license to operate removed.

    If that's the case, I still will be p*ssed, but there isn't really anything much to do about it except report them for fraud. Which I intend fully to make certain the kids do.

    But dear God in heaven if she only has 2 days with of motel money I'm going to have 5 people added to my house........and I'm neither in the physical condition nor the financial position to handle that at the moment.

    Why am I gonna have them here when I said I wouldn't..................husband has suddenly decided to act like a parent and so yeah. Dammit dammit dammit!

    The moment she walks through the door I'm handing her the phone to call the shelter and welfare and the motel.

    I want to scream! I want to hit someone so bad I can't stand it. I want to sit in a corner and cry my eyes out and yet again ask why I just can't seem to STOP having family crises and why do they always have to be when I physically feel like total crud?? I mean c'mon, can't this stuff happen when I feel good???

    Yes. I knew katie and family were coming. Yes I do have several plans in place. I'm just experiencing some major PTSD here. And with good reason.

    Her husband coming along is actually causing the vast majority of it. He is lazy with no desire to work. She says the shelter has readjusted his attitude. I'm sorry but the man is 44 yrs old. If living in a motel for the past 10 plus yrs hasn't readjusted his attitude I'm having a hard time believing the shelter is enough to do it. And even Katie is still having her doubts so it's not just me. Maybe it has changed her attitude and made her take a good long hard look at what SHE wants out of life........but him, yeah.....44 is a bit late to do any major changing.

    Katie is not stupid. Not the child I raised (with the help of her bioMom of course). So why in hades did she think the time is right to move over here to ohio when she knows she has so little for the motel room/food.......while also knowing her dad and I are not working and are having issues feeding ourselves? Did the jump from springfield to st. Louis teach her nothing?? I mean omg c'mon! I told her point blank countless times she cannot live here.

    I dunno. Maybe with the shelter taking all their funds is making her feel they have no choice. But I just flat out and told husband I will NOT lose my house no matter how much I love Katie and the kids.

    And I worry if katie never sees the light when it comes to her husband she will never make the changes necessary to make a better life for herself. Why? Because he'll sabotage every effort she makes.

    I guess what I'm really so mad about is this..........She knew for a fact she doesn't have enough money for the motel or to feed her kids. So why didn't she just come out and ask to give me the money they DO have as rent until they can get into the shelter? Instead of what it appears to be which is that she and her husband are just assuming we won't be able to turn them away once we get them here.:mad: The rent thing I might have been able to handle. At least I could've made husband go to aldi's and buy bulky food to feed them cheap. I have some.....but not nearly enough. Have been buying stuff I could eat (which of course isn't much) while husband and Travis scrape by with what is here.

    I feel like total sh*t. My house didn't get clean the way I wanted it clean before they got here. We are broke ourselves. And I've got a whole week of pain ahead of me. I don't feel like visiting with the grands who live here, let alone 3 kids who are hyper and excited to meet their grandma and Nana they've been dying to see.

    Mostly it's the timing. I feel too lousy to even make an attempt to readjust my plans. ugh

    Got news for husband........any running the kids need to do, he's driving them. Not me.:mad:

    Pray hard, pray very very hard please that there is room in the shelter. I really really need the power of the board on this one.

    Thanks for letting me spill my guts. I'm off to bed now.
  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Praying hard that there will be room at the shelter. So sorry, HD. What a mess. :(
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, man. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this stress when you feel so cruddy. Why did she do all t his? Because she's a difficult child, and doesn't think things through. Despite all the "best laid plans .. it sounds like she's flying by teh seat of her pants. She'll be home close to mom again, and figures it'll all just magically work out. Sigh.

    Try to get some sleep tonight. Tate some pain pills, if you have them. Perhaps after a good night's sleep, and in the light of day, you'll be able to formulate a better plan.. a plan for yourself, that is, and what you are willing and unwilling to do to help. Sending prayers up for a shelter spot....
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok, here is what I would do.

    Take in Katie and the kids. Can you get or borrow a tent or an old car that isnt running and stick her husband in it in a walmart parking lot or maybe a campground or some godforsaken place until he decides to work? Heck, stick him in Molly's kennel! Katie can earn her keep by cleaning house and cooking for you until she gets her stamps transferred over immediately. How old is youngest? Young enough for WIC? Send her to food banks too. As many as she can to get food in the house. Get kids signed up for school asap so they get at least two free meals a day. Sometimes if you tell school how bad the situation is they will send them home with weekend food.

    Has husband gotten his SS yet? If not, get his butt on it. How bout Travis? If not, get him moving on it too. If they need help, I will help you long distance. Just say the word and I can help. I can also help you start the process for at least Katies youngest because we all know he is pretty bad off. That should go through easy enough.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thanks for the prayers. Keep em coming please, pretty please with sugar on it. Could probably use the chicken dance, good juju and body parts crossed too.

    Bottom line : I don't want katie and the kids here unless there is simply no other choice. Period. I don't trust her husband as far as I can spit. And quite frankly since mother in law passed away this house is full of valuables he can steal and pawn, not to mention the computers and the like. Even if he didn't steal them.......the furniture alone would take about 10 mins of wild child syndrome to destroy it. Sad to say if katie can't stop Evan the youngest from ripping phones out of walls I doubt she's doing a lot to actively make him mind.

    *sigh* Between the Momma Look (in which I even scare the pants off other people's kids) and the fact that Nana will so not tolerate such wild behavior in her home, I may not be such a popular Nana with Evan. I'm not a "hey you need to correct your kid cuz he/she is destroying my stuff" sort of person. I'm a stick them in time out paddle their bottom sort of person. Learned the 1st time Katie simply will not move to correct them. I hope this has changed, but I'm not counting on it much. I mean I know Evan is by no doubt a major difficult child but who does nothing when a kid yanks the phone out of the wall repeatedly?? Kayla and Alex do not seem to be out of control........but they've also just spent the past 5 months in a homeless who knows.

    Thanks for reminding me about Evan. I suspect he is severely autistic........down much further on the spectrum than Travis, perhaps on the border of true full blown autism. Alex is a bit better but not by much and then there is the MRDD thing with him as well. For Evan there is a program called Early Intervention. I hope he's not too old (I don't think he is yet) but I'm going to push her to get him evaled by them anyway. It's how we got bff's son diagnosed with the cerebral palsy. Once they diagnosis him (which won't take long he is just now talking) SS disability won't be hard to get. Katie should also be able to get it for Alex due to the MRDD as well. Except she needs to have him evaluated too because it was the school that tested and diagnosed him. Katie has only been supposed to be getting this taken care of for the past 2 yrs now. ughh She's never made it to the doctor yet, always an excuse.

    She will not just sit around here making excuses if I have to I'll drag her where she needs to go........or make husband drag her.....and he knows he's is already on thin ice with me so he's not pushing his luck.

    I did tell husband I still suspect drug use. katie has never in her life had seizures. Last time she was here I gathered medication info from her bio mom and during her teen years when we didn't see her no seizures. Mild chiari malformation will not cause the person to have seizures. The worst it does is sometimes cause migraines, for which there is medication, which she always had an excuse not to see the neurologist to go get for herself even though the medical card would have paid for every bit of it. Now there is no reason for a person not to seek medical treatment when the entire treatment is covered, unless they know what is causing it. (such as drug use) I'm not saying she does drugs, I'm saying that her behavior is suggestive of it and was when she was here. If she starts that crud while she's here........oh, well I can't work my head hurts to much or I might have a seizure.......well I won't have much empathy. Svck it up, you've got a family to support. Got a headache take tylenol, tylenol doesn't cut it, get your fanny to the doctor and get something that does. It doesn't change the fact that you have kids to care for. sheesh Same for her husband and his aching back which is why he got fired from his last job.:mad:

    IF they stay here.....Katie and her husband will be worked to death. Just like I've spent the last week working husband's fingers to the bone. I simply will not tolerate Katie sitting on the couch all day making my house a pig stye and doing nothing to contribute to cleaning it like she did for months last time. Yes she was preggers.....yes she had issues, but it wouldn't have hurt her to help me clean. IF they stay here they'll work and help or they'll leave.

    Man, even to me I sound b*tchy about all this. ugh! Truth is like any mother I want to give Katie a chance to turn her life around for the better. Guess I really do have the PTSD thing going on. lol :tongue: And of course me going through this ordeal with the mouth/teeth isn't helping it much either.

    Janet our school system I know stopped the free breakfasts a few years ago. But with the outrageous unemployment now in our area hopefully it has started up again. There is a church a few blocks away that offers free dinners at least once a week. I haven't paid much attention to whether other churches are doing the same, perhaps they're taking turns. There is a church not 5 blocks away that I know for a fact used to help pay for the motel for homeless families until they could either get an apartment or get into the shelter....all they asked was that the family go to service on sunday. A really nice church, my sister in law used to go there. I'll have Katie call them too, although they may be overwhelmed too and unable to do it now it's worth asking.

    Oh, and I do need to get husband on top of the disability for Travis. I need to go through husband because he knows who the cw was who called us and told us to re-apply for him that he'd get it and wouldn't need any new evaluations to do so. Yet another thing I've forgotten with all that has been going on........crud. Oh, and guess what the hitch was the 1st time around......idiot cw put the wrong middle initial in the boy's name........admitted it to us, told us it would make no difference cause his number was the same......and yeah. Messed it all up. grrrr Hmm wonder if they'd give him back pay? Course I'll just be happy if he gets it. lol

    I did go to bed I swear. :tongue: I'm up again because once the pain medications wore off my mind took on a life of it's own and I couldn't get it to stop. lol ughhh I am happy to say that so far having the lower teeth pulled has been a cinch compared to the top ones. *knocks on wood and hopes it stays that way*

    And awwww heck, I dunno if katie was even bright enough to bring all the paperwork necessary for welfare or to get the kids into school. I told her to get it all together before she came........but if she didn't listen to me about the money, I doubt she listen to be about that either. Let's hope she has.

    Thanks for letting me ramble.........poor husband can only take so much. I'm not so nice when I'm venting and using him as a sounding board. lol
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs and lots of strength, and will begin the panther dance in the morning.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sigh, how frustrating. I know you have played with many scenarios in your head but all I can see is you making excuses for Kate. There is no justification for her total lack of understanding of the rules you set in place. It's not her husband,your husband, the shelter, the lack of food stamps etc. She is EXCITED! She should be demoralized and grateful. What can she do for you instead of what you can do for her should be the question out of her mouth.
    Stop answering the phone for one day. Take a pain pill and go to bed. If husband handles it, great. You don't have to fix everything. You aren't in any condition to be in charge.
    Whatever husband comes up with or K is able to come up with that doesn't include your home and your body for the next 4 days will be ok.
    It's ridiculous to have such an airhead to move into your home. Set limits. You keep saying you will but she has already over run your life. It does not bode well for your life.
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2010
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I understand the anger. I have been there. Angry not wanting to go through the same thing we did before and thinking it is all just going to happen again. ((((HUGS)))) been there!!!!
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, another warning flag in my head is the 5 year time limit on TANF. Please call today and ask if that is still in effect. If it is, the only thing they are going to get is medicaid and food stamps. They wont tell you if she has used it up but I would bet my left arm she has which is why they are on the move.

    Again, anything I can do to help, I am happy to do so. If they messed up Travis's disability, yes he will get back pay which I am sure he will use to MOVE OUT of crazy
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yup Janet, husband and I already thought of that with the TANF.

    I'm a bit more "together" today. Haven't needed any of the pain medications so am thinking more clearly. Do still have a bit of panic going on but that's from past experience. Right now I'm praying husband is not offering her the world in a hand basket on their way back from cincy. Due to her pulling the weekday stunt, he had to go down and pick them up alone............And that causes me to LOL. husband does not do well in a crowded car, especially one with kids in it.......3 excited kids are going to drive him insane all the way home. heheheheheh I told him last night I wasn't going with him to pick them up. Not up to it and no room in the car. As it is they'll be squished like sardines.

    husband is the world's biggest svcker. The only thing that balances this out is he's also the world's biggest antisocial grouch. So I'm hoping this ride back from cincy will make him stand firm over them not living here instead of caving and saying they can. When I was making plans for worst case senerio I was thinking winter with them having no where to go.......not from the moment they flipping get here!

    I have 3 county shelter numbers ready for her to call the moment she walks through the door and the phone book is marked to Community Action. I have the motel number ready for her.

    Yeah, Fran. You're right. She should been grateful and humiliated she's even having to ask for help. I know I sure was whenever husband put us in that position or during that time frame when the kids and I were homeless.

    I am not going to offer her to stay here. She's known for months our situation. Katie is supposed to be all about fixing things and turning her life around. Well, it's up to do her do it. I'll keep repeating in my head endlessly that she is 31, soon to be 32 yrs old for pete's sake. No excuse. That ought to keep me at a low boil enough that I won't offer much help if any at all.

    That is why I'm worried husband may be promising her the moon via falling for any sob story coming out of her mouth on their way here. Man, I so hope not. Because I have no intention of making the offer for them to stay here.

    She is her father's daughter...........thinks and acts just like husband. Which means she's gotta hurt to keep that desire to change, because if it doesn't affect her comfort level then she'll be fine with it. So she is still full blown difficult child status.

    I can say no. I can do it. (I'm practicing as I type this) I'm just praying like mad husband hasn't already told her yes. omg ...........
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    You can do it. I know you can. You have nudged your younger children out of the nest when they were hesitant to take the leap to adulthood. You surely can choose what you offer and what you don't based on your experience with them in the past. When they prove you wrong, then you can change your stance.
    I'm chanting: "you can do it" over and over in hopes that the end result is one you want and can live with. I understand the need to make sure there are no starving, roofless grandchildren. Now you can see what K is willing to do. She can't give you piecemeal information because you can see what they are doing. Good luck.
    I'm glad you are feeling better.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    new nant nit nee, Nime Nin Nouth Naro Nina. nee hee.

    .........thought..I'd um.....write it so you could understand it. (nucking nat nugly nook)

  13. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Lisa, first off, hugs. Many of them.

    As for your husband telling them "yes", can you say "He was mistaken, you can't stay"? Given your health, the likelihood of Katie's behaviour, the risk to your home and valuables, not to mention all the stress this is likely to cause you if they have to spend even one night under your roof, I think you need to say NO no matter what husband has already told them. Even if you get them all doing the work, you're the one who's going to have to manage it, and to keep on top of them to make sure it gets done. That's every bit as draining as doing the work in my view, ESPECIALLY as you need rest and quiet to heal, so that you can get your boards over with and get on with that fabulous nursing career that's waiting for you.

    You can say no. You must.

    Also praying that there's room at the shelter.

  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    My husband said tonight that our difficult child will never learn because some one is always rescuing her. He is right. Rescuing them always seems to put so much stress on us and yet teaches them nothing. :(

    You CAN say no. You absolutely can.