difficult child just called. He hasn't gone back to his program since Friday. He's been getting high. He won't tell me where he is. He doesn't want to go back because he's high right now and he's afraid he's going to be arrested. I talked to the program and they said they haven't called the police but he has 9 years hanging over his head and he has a probation appointment on Wednesday. His first one. I TOLD them he couldn't be unsupervised. I TOLD them you cannot take someone from jail, put them in an in-patient psychiatric hospital and then just let them go. What did they think would happen? He said he wouldn't go back tonight. I told him if he won't I can't help him anymore. I'm waiting for the call back to see if they will accept him. Once I told him I wouldn't help him anymore, he accepted that he has to go back tonight. I was tempted to look on-line for something to clean his urine. I can't face him going to jail until he's 30 for smoking pot. I just can't. I also can't aid and abet him. It would send the wrong message and I've been doing it for years. He told me that it's been the worst week of his life. Having his "father" walk out on him without saying good-bye. No explanaion, no nothing. He's horrified at what it has done to me. Now I feel so guilty that I let my pain show. I should have thought about what it would do to him. They called. He can go back in the program. He is TERRIFIED they are setting him up. What choice does he have? Continue to run? He won't tell me where he is and he says he will be here in 20 minutes. I will take him back and I will hold his hand. I am stronger now, but I am still his mom.