OMG OMG OMG I can't believe what difficult child did

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Loving Abbey 2, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    I am just writing a quick note to get it out, I'll probably be back later with more details.

    I got a call from the principal. a child's mother called him, after school and reported difficult child threatened another child, difficult child stated that she was going to bring a sword into school and "get" the other child with it. The worst part is, and it sounds so much worse than I ever imagined, I used to collect swords. Simply for decorative purposes. They are currently all packed away, but it really gives the incident some weight--in a bad way. Like it's a somewhat possible plan!!! Principal is going to be speaking with both kids tomorrow.

    I can't believe this!!! We are starting new medications as of yesterday, I'll update the signature later, but OMG!!!!!!!
  2. LoneStar14

    LoneStar14 New Member

    Is it possible difficult child found the swords? Check room thoroughly for anything "sword-like". Check backpacks. I pray its just mouthing off and nothing planned. But its better to take it seriously. Our kids say stuff and it turns out later they were serious and it was a cry out for help.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Gentle hugs.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Check your packed stuff - for sure!

    Hugs for your shock - keep us updated.

  5. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    I've check everything. she has no weapons of any sort. difficult child claims that she doesn't know when she said that or who she said it to or if she did it at all. "The principal must have called the wrong mom". This will be in her school record forever. At the Y, she was pushed to the ground by another kid and got hurt a bit (this kid got sent home from the Y from hitting several children). So it's like she was offender and victim in one day.

    I hope she doesn't get kicked out of school. I hope she doesn't get suspended. There is a parent out there who thinks my childis crazy and probably that I am a horrible mother. And I'm sure every other mother in difficult child's class will know soon enough. And then no one will want thier kids playing with difficult child. I just want to cry. I'm angry at the universe. I don't really care that life stinks for me. But it's so unfair for life to be so cruel for difficult child. difficult child makes poor choices and doesn't even know it, difficult child is very unstable at the moment with the medication stuff, difficult child finally has some friends that are mutual, and now the this.

    How do I even hold her accountable when she says it didn't happen? How do I know the other child is telling the truth? This a whole new level of he**.

    It took 1 1/2 hours to get her to bed tonight. I'm so tired...I'm so so tired. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
  6. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!


    I am so sorry. We have had similar situations happen where Aly swears she did not say something mean to someone, or push them or what-have-you. She has zero memory of doing it and several times it has been witnessed by myself or my sister or her teacher. therapist feels she either had a seizure or a minor psychotic episode when this stuff happens. With Aly it is sooo hard to know what to believe, she has her own reality alot of the time.

    I didn't say all that to scare you but just to keep an open mind that it might have been said by difficult child and she really might not remember, or might not remember it the way the other child does.

    I am sorry but I don't know your difficult child's history, but is she seeing a therapist? Maybe it will come out someday. Or...maybe she really didn't say it at all and this other child is making this up?!?!?!?

  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Michelle, has your difficult child ever been evaluated for seizures? Has she ever reported hallucinations? Does this episode sound out of character for Abbey?

    I think you should be at the meeting when the principal talks to both kids. You need to know what is said by each child.
  8. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    She had an awake eeg when she was 4 or 5. It was fine. It's so hard to tell if this is out of character. Normally, I would say yes, this is not my child. But with how this week has been, I'm not sure. This past week, it's like she's not my child at all about 70% of the time. She had hallunications when she was younger and then when she was on Topomax. But since then, no hallucinations.

    I will talk to the principal tomorrow morning. I have an appointment in the morning to look at another apartment as our lease is almost up. I hope the principal will wait or I will have to reschedule my veiwing. I know it sounds like this should be a no brainer, it's just there are so few apartments in this town and the last three were taken somewhere between when I called/made an appointment and when I showed up to see it. We can't be homeless, that would be the worst thing yet. But Abbey is the priority.

    We have no therapist at the moment. The school SW is helping us find a good one that my insurance actually covers.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just sending hugs. I have been there done that with my son SO many times! I know how horrible it is, and how hard it is, how embarrassing, worrisome, & sickening it is. You are not alone.

    All I can say is that this too shall pass. I know that sounds trite - but there were so many days that I spent obsessed on all the horrible things difficult child was doing - and looking back I can see how I made myself a total wreck to no avail. I gave up so much of my life wrapped up in his drama. If had it to do over again, I would try and take life about ten steps back from my difficult child and his emotional roller coaster from hades. Although I am not sure I would be successful.

    I am not sure if this helps - but please know you are in my thoughts. Keep us updated.
  10. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Am I the only one who thinks the school is making a huge deal out of this? I guess it depends on the context, but it sounds like the kind of talk I hear all the time, especially from little boys who are into weapons. I mean it's one thing if difficult child was making a serious plan, but I guess I don't think that this is so far off from what a typical 8-year-old might shout out in the middle of an imaginative game, or even in the heat of anger.

    I do think this should be taken seriously but unless you're getting a vibe that this involved actual intent, I'd be inclined to put it into the "she just didn't think before she spoke" category.

    As for the other parent, I'm the kind of mom who just goes up and talks to them. I'll seek out parents in the parking lot and say, "I'm difficult child's mom. I'm so sorry he called your daughter stupid," or "I'm difficult child's mom. I'm so sorry he shouted "penis" during the entire drive to after-care." I then explain that he has a "harder time than most kids" controlling the words that come out of his mouth, and assure them that we're "working on it" (I think this telegraphs therapy without having to say it) and that we'll continue to "work with him" about things like this.
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    If she didn't have a weapon with her, it's likely they'll just give her a warning or maybe a detention.

    My difficult child 2 made similar threats to some bullies one day when he just "happened" to have brought a Swiss Army knife to school. His account makes it sound like a bad coincidence, and everyone who interviewed him believed this to be the case. He ended up with a two-day suspension, and the school finally got off their butt and has been diligent about nipping the bully issue (which has been a campus-wide problem for years) AND placing difficult child 2 in a social skills group (which I've been asking about for 3 years) AND getting him assessed and approved for an IEP.

    So I guess my point here is that difficult child's often do impulsive, OMG-things because they lack the appropriate coping skills, and if no one gets hurt, there can often be some good that comes from the situation if the adults involved (i.e. the school) are smart and able to learn from the experience.

    Hope that's the case for you and your difficult child!
  12. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    personally I think difficult child's use the word sword for the drama effect. My difficult child in 1st grade told the teacher he was going to plunge a sword through his chest. It got their attention and it was our very 1st (of many) emergency psychiatric evaluations, sigh............memories..............
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm very sorry. There were times that our difficult child did something very difficult right before a medication change. The deal was we saw stuff coming, made an appointment with the doctor and made the change...but perhaps we cut it a little too close. Hard to say. However, we did notice that most folks were comforted when we told them that a medication change was already in efffect. I understand each situation is different...but we would keep our child out of school for a few days voluntarily, take her to see her counselor and usually that would make for a positive change. I'm sorry that you are going through this great difficulty and pray that it is resolved shortly.
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I also was thinking, this was over-reacting. But I have to accept that there could be cultural differences here. So often I've heard kids scream at one another, "I'm going to kill you!" and it gets totally ignored because it's just venting. Not pleasant, but certainly not intended to be taken literally or seriously.

    But then, things are different here. We've only very recently (in the last week) had a school in lockdown because of kids with weapons attacking the school looking for another kid. Again, cultural - the culprits are gangs of recent migrants who have brought some bad habits with them and the authorities are cracking down, hard.

    Because it's such a rare thing for us, kids here perhaps feel freer to vent without being jumped on.

    But any chance the kid means it - they're getting interrogated so fat their heads are spinning.

    A kid needs to vent. He also needs to learn that certain things such as threats are not appropriate. "Rewarding" a threat with time off school isn't helpful, I feel. Making the kid apologise is a much better way to teach the lesson; it's the last thing an angry kid wants to do, to apologise to someone they've recently been screaming threats at. it's humiliating, it's loss of face, it's the opposite of what they wanted to achieve. It's a harsher and more appropriate punishment, I feel.

    And another thing needs to be considered (for future reference) - why was the kid so angry that he made the threat? How better can the child be taught to cope?

    I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed by this - when other people involved react with *shock, horror* it's hard to know what to do, hard to fathom your darling being so feral. And certainly hard to know the best way out of the situation.

    Anyway, I'll shut up now, this could be too alien for me to understand.

  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My difficult child did this so many times. But I have also heard kids who were not considered to be difficult children do this. It really is not the end of the world.

    School probably will look into it. Schools are making this into a bigger deal than they need to many times. It is hard for them to know when to make it a big deal, or so it seems.

    I am sorry.