On a rollercoaster ride

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by STRESSEDTOMAX, May 2, 2012.



    Ugh...WHERE to start? There have been many transitions for difficult child lately. We finally got him into a BED (Behavioral and Emotionally Disabled) classroom. Unfortunately, it is at another school. At first we filed a petition with the SD to allow him to remain at the school he's been attending since 2nd grade since we are so close to the end of the year. However, difficult children behavior was deteriorating and we were being called almost every day to come and get him. He was having meltdowns almost on a daily basis. My main concern was that he not get himself into this state every day for the next month. So, last Tuesday we withdrew the petition. They had a small going-away party for him on Thursday and afterwards at home he went completely crazy on me - hitting me, throwing things, destroying things in the house, etc. When he is like this there is no reasoning with him and he is almost too big to restrain. He finally calmed down after a couple of hours and went to the new school pretty easily Friday. I was on cloud 9!! I started thinking maybe this will turn everything around...Then Monday he had a horrible day and Monday night he had a major meltdown and I was so upset. He was saying all these bad things about the boys in his classroom (6 besides him) and the 2 teachers. Listening to this stuff, I was getting more and more upset. The night ended with him begging me to let him kill himself. Yesterday morning, husband and I walked him in and spoke to the two teacher's. It became quite clear that difficult child was manipulating us and that what was happening was he was trying to get away with the same stuff he could get away with at his old school and couldn't and was very upset. So, again, I felt better after speaking to them.

    This leads me to the crazy incident of yesterday afternoon. I'm sorry this is so long. I just thought the history was important. This is why I need to post much more frequently. Anyway, he has also been taken off Depakote and one Abilify every day. We saw basically no changes after stopping the Depakote and with the Abilify, it's really hard to know if it's the medication decrease or everything else. So he is now taking one Abilify and one Tenex in the morning and the same in the afternoon.

    Anyway, I had to take him to a neuropsychologist appointment yesterday at one so I picked him up early. I was really happy because he had a GREAT day. Everything was going smoothly until we got in the office. We were about 20 minutes early. I offered to let him play with my phone. No. He started saying he didn't want to be there. Then out of really nowhere, he takes my bookmark and tears it. Then when I wasn't watching him he goes outside and locks himself in the car. When I ask him to come out he refuses and starts beeping the horn. After about 30 min of this type of behavior (not horn blowing) I get him in the waiting room and then into a room. While waiting for the NP and then while she's there, he's trying to kick me, trying to rip a plant in her office etc. Then he refuses to go into the car to go home. We were there for about 30 more minutes. On the way home, he is being aggressive with me in the front seat and threatening to open the door almost the whole way home. I wound up having to pull to the side of the road once and he also wound up getting slapped a few times. He was cursing at me the whole time so I had totally had it and started cursing back at him. Maybe not the most mature thing to do but I had totally HAD it!! This in a nutshell has been my life for almost 9 years now. I honestly don't know how I've managed to remain sane. I guess cause I have no choice. Someone last week referred to themselves as a "shell" of what they used to be and that fits perfectly. And I guess the worst part is, there's no end in sight.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hopefully the neuropsychologist saw some of this...
    Because, the first step in getting help is getting answers.


    It was a NP and she saw it but she said it was attention-seeking behavior and she wasn't going to pay attention to it. I mean she spoke to me about it and we discussed medications but other than that, nothing. I have to say right now I'm agreeing with the many people who say that this is behavior he's learned and it's what he knows. I know for sure he has diagnosis but I'm not so sure they make him act this way.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We went through that rollercoaster for 10 years. Seriously.
    I "almost" believed them. Except... it didn't add up.
    Kept fighting. (long story)
    After 10 yrs and a major crisis... we finally got an evaluator who GOT it. And who supported additional evaluations that he couldn't do...
    And... well, we've left the rollercoaster, and we're at Cape Canaveral. Not sure where we're heading but it's all UP, and all at HIGH SPEED.

    It's just so hard to get the right evaluator.


    I know it is, believe me. During his first IP stay, they diagnosis him with a possible thought disorder and now he has a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/Aspergers diagnosis. And believe me, I'm not saying that a lot of this behavior doesn't come from those problems. I know it does. I just think that he's gotten a certain reaction from us and from his teacher's over the years and he's used to it.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Which means... finding ways to change how you react... or finding ways to connect somehow.. I'm not as familiar with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and behavior modification, but I know it can be done.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I have daily car rides like this lately.... Even had the horn blowing issue at a park the other day, learned quickly not to get out of the car first (he never gets to sit in the front but jumped over the seats and locked me out... I had the keys but he just hit the electric locks every time I tried to unlock the doors. I dont know how any of us is sane really....I mean if I didn't hear this from you I am sure I would still be thinking I am the only one (you and others here)..... I have met a few with big issues but you never really know if it is like it is for us until there is a longer term relationship (like on this board)....

    I wish it had gone better, does he often have issues when you transition like that? I mean he was fine then go to a new place and not exactly a fun place, and he loses it... transition to office and he loses it, transition back to car/home and he loses it.... I live that life every day. We use a schedule and it usually helps but not always. I write out on post-its that are in my purse but still, things just happen sometimes.

    Wish I had some helpful advice, I can only say I get it....and it is not easy.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    That sounds like a really short visit for a neuropsychologist. I'm guessing NP is for nurse practitioner within the neuropsychologist's office? Are you getting treatment there as well as your evaluations?
  9. bigbear11

    bigbear11 Guest

    WOW... you weren't joking when you commented on my thread that you were on the same ride! So sorry.

    Isn't it horrible when the rage is in the car? We have that occasionally with Trex... thankfully she is still in the back most of the time but that just makes it easier for her to hit me, pull my hair, etc. I normally pull over and either get out (trying to keep the doors locked so she cant) or set until she gets it together. Right or wrong... we always have a consequence for this... safety is non negotiable!

    Although I know we shouldn't, I must admit it is nice to hear others admit that when they have had it, they too have lashed back. I always feel so horrible afterwards... what am I teaching her... how can I expect her to control it when I can't either. But after a while, it just happens. That is part of the reason that I struggle so with how much is actually within or out of her control. Sometimes it is like she will push it until something like that happens and then will cry and get upset that I spanked her but the rage is over. in my opinion that is more of a trantrum. But so hard to tell until that point and if it doesn't stop then, it just seems to escalate it. Beside I KNOW it is not the right way to handle it.

    Hope things get better at the new school. ((HUGS))


    buddy - This kind of car stuff has been going on since he was about four but, for the most part, it has been pretty infrequent lately. I've been saying for years that I'm going to die on a NC road. When he was younger, I had to keep my car clear of stuff (which for someone like me was tough...lol) or it would be thrown at my head. Thank God he didn't have the keys yesterday because I'd probably still be sitting there...lol. I wish my front door had a child safety lock on it. He was doing the same thing with the door locks. I must admit, although I did pull over once, I should have stopped driving altogether given what was going on. Looking back on the whole thing, I feel bad that I got so engaged with him but you know what? I'm only human and there's just so much stress I can take before I'm going to lose it. And yesterday, I lost it...


    sorry...this was in response to bigbear11 also...:)