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On difficult child and sisters...
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 630402" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>COM, you have some encouragement there as your son is moving in the right direction at least. That's hopeful.</p><p></p><p>Regarding your sister, I can SO relate. I have the exact same issue with mine. When I need her most, she is unavailable, and in the midst of crisis, her contacts are all about getting information versus supporting me. As a relatively recent example, JT ended up in jail, and admittedly, I texted her to inform her because I was too emotional to really discuss it in the moment. She text messaged back, asking why, and said she felt bad. But . . . then weeks went by, and she never called me to check in even once, and never text messaged me either. Yet, I learned from my parents that she was visiting them and telling them all about the dumb stuff JT was posting on his Facebook page about his employer, insulting his boss, etc. These are things, #1 I didn't know because I am not on Facebook, and #2 my parents didn't know because they are not on Facebook either. So, I thought, "Gee thanks for gossiping with the latest JT dumb move news flash! She had time for that, but no time to actually call and check in to see how I was doing!" Ugh!</p><p></p><p>I get where you are coming from completely. You need compassionate support from your sister, and she only shows up to get the latest drama news. That's helpful - not! It actually makes things worse. A good sister would call you personally and not only ask about what is happening, but ask what she could do to support you in coping with it all. She would offer to come and sit with you and listen to you vent, or drop off a meal or something. People do these things all the time when family members are ill physically, but when someone is having behavioral or mental health or substance abuse problems, everyone scurries away, leaving those who need them feeling isolated and even ostracized.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry your sister wasn't there for you properly. You communicated your feelings to her (great job!), and I suspect she did not respond because she realizes she hurt you and has some pride getting in the way of acknowledging that. Hopefully she understands your feelings and will be more mindful of them in the future.</p><p></p><p>Whether or not your sister gets this particularly painful experience you are navigating, we do. We understand, and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 630402, member: 4855"] COM, you have some encouragement there as your son is moving in the right direction at least. That's hopeful. Regarding your sister, I can SO relate. I have the exact same issue with mine. When I need her most, she is unavailable, and in the midst of crisis, her contacts are all about getting information versus supporting me. As a relatively recent example, JT ended up in jail, and admittedly, I texted her to inform her because I was too emotional to really discuss it in the moment. She text messaged back, asking why, and said she felt bad. But . . . then weeks went by, and she never called me to check in even once, and never text messaged me either. Yet, I learned from my parents that she was visiting them and telling them all about the dumb stuff JT was posting on his Facebook page about his employer, insulting his boss, etc. These are things, #1 I didn't know because I am not on Facebook, and #2 my parents didn't know because they are not on Facebook either. So, I thought, "Gee thanks for gossiping with the latest JT dumb move news flash! She had time for that, but no time to actually call and check in to see how I was doing!" Ugh! I get where you are coming from completely. You need compassionate support from your sister, and she only shows up to get the latest drama news. That's helpful - not! It actually makes things worse. A good sister would call you personally and not only ask about what is happening, but ask what she could do to support you in coping with it all. She would offer to come and sit with you and listen to you vent, or drop off a meal or something. People do these things all the time when family members are ill physically, but when someone is having behavioral or mental health or substance abuse problems, everyone scurries away, leaving those who need them feeling isolated and even ostracized. I'm sorry your sister wasn't there for you properly. You communicated your feelings to her (great job!), and I suspect she did not respond because she realizes she hurt you and has some pride getting in the way of acknowledging that. Hopefully she understands your feelings and will be more mindful of them in the future. Whether or not your sister gets this particularly painful experience you are navigating, we do. We understand, and we care. [/QUOTE]
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