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On difficult child and sisters...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630420" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm encouraged by your post COM, it does 'appear' as if your son is moving in a positive direction. And, you're doing an excellent job of keeping your boundaries intact while you continue to be supportive of him on your terms. Good job!</p><p></p><p>I understand about your sister. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe you did all the right things. You expressed yourself with clarity and kindness. She opted to leave it be. You let it go. Often, I think that is the only course of action to take, to make sure we express ourselves without an attachment to the outcome. What others end up doing is out of our control, yet it can be hurtful because we expect and certainly deserve more. </p><p></p><p>I've found when folks are pushed into having to deal with kids like ours, with mental illness or any kind of "different" behavior, few have the ability to know what to do, what to say or how to act. I think what many people do is simply ignore the problem or distance themselves because it is uncomfortable for them. Some of our friends and family are just not prepared in any way to be able to be present for us, to be able to allow us to express ourselves and to be a committed listener for us. It's all out of their realm of normalcy and/or their ability to understand.</p><p></p><p>It reminds me of the level of discomfort and avoidance often displayed around people who are dying. It brings up so many of our own fears and limitations, sadnesses and inadequacies , often folks don't know what to say or what to d0 so they distance themselves or act in ways that appear foolish and indifferent. That can be hurtful to those making their final exit. </p><p></p><p>There is a Native American tool called The Four Fold Way which is for conflict resolution. It is, show up, pay attention, tell the truth, let go of the outcome. Letting go of the outcome is what we practice here a lot. It's tough not to take the actions or inactions of others personally, yet that's what is so hurtful</p><p></p><p>. It sounds to me as if your sisters lack of response is about her and has nothing at all to do with you, she likely has no clue how to be with you around your issues with your son. It's out of her realm of understanding. I'm sorry, that is a painful realization. And, more letting go for us. Sigh. Life sure turns out to be about letting go a lot.............</p><p></p><p>We have each other COM, and you're right, that is a gift.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630420, member: 13542"] I'm encouraged by your post COM, it does 'appear' as if your son is moving in a positive direction. And, you're doing an excellent job of keeping your boundaries intact while you continue to be supportive of him on your terms. Good job! I understand about your sister. I believe you did all the right things. You expressed yourself with clarity and kindness. She opted to leave it be. You let it go. Often, I think that is the only course of action to take, to make sure we express ourselves without an attachment to the outcome. What others end up doing is out of our control, yet it can be hurtful because we expect and certainly deserve more. I've found when folks are pushed into having to deal with kids like ours, with mental illness or any kind of "different" behavior, few have the ability to know what to do, what to say or how to act. I think what many people do is simply ignore the problem or distance themselves because it is uncomfortable for them. Some of our friends and family are just not prepared in any way to be able to be present for us, to be able to allow us to express ourselves and to be a committed listener for us. It's all out of their realm of normalcy and/or their ability to understand. It reminds me of the level of discomfort and avoidance often displayed around people who are dying. It brings up so many of our own fears and limitations, sadnesses and inadequacies , often folks don't know what to say or what to d0 so they distance themselves or act in ways that appear foolish and indifferent. That can be hurtful to those making their final exit. There is a Native American tool called The Four Fold Way which is for conflict resolution. It is, show up, pay attention, tell the truth, let go of the outcome. Letting go of the outcome is what we practice here a lot. It's tough not to take the actions or inactions of others personally, yet that's what is so hurtful . It sounds to me as if your sisters lack of response is about her and has nothing at all to do with you, she likely has no clue how to be with you around your issues with your son. It's out of her realm of understanding. I'm sorry, that is a painful realization. And, more letting go for us. Sigh. Life sure turns out to be about letting go a lot............. We have each other COM, and you're right, that is a gift. [/QUOTE]
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