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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665486" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Seeking Peace,</p><p></p><p>You have received good advice. I will add my two cents.</p><p></p><p>I would not be so confident that drugs of some sort are not involved.</p><p></p><p>Knowing what I know now, I would have cut off all financial assistance for my son much earlier.</p><p></p><p>What is that saying? When somebody tells you who they are, listen. From our love and hope and fear, we do not. We pay for it later.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not listening to anything you say. The assistance she is receiving from you and others seems to be training her to expect more. That happened with my son, too. He had no motivation at all to do anything productive until everybody cut him off and he had to live with the consequences of his choices.</p><p></p><p>I am pretty new at this, but I find that the more I can stay out of my son's business the more clarity and respect there is between us. The result, too, has been that my son has left the area where I live. This is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>He seems to be beginning to understand that it is not a pretty picture to be homeless or nearly so, with nothing productive to do.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter by landing jobs, has shown herself capable of doing so. The only incentive most of us have to keep a job is the necessity to support ourselves. Allow her that incentive.</p><p></p><p>The fear is our children will make worse choices, without our guidance and help. The thing is, our help has not protected them. They mock our advice. They mock our rules. They are indifferent to anything that we do that does not involve money. The only thing they want to hear from us is "yes."</p><p></p><p>We are without good choices because our children have rejected all of them that we have tried.</p><p></p><p>I have decided it is time for my son to take responsibility for himself.</p><p></p><p>My son has mental illness on both maternal and paternal sides. He was granted SSI for mental illness. Still, I am hopeful.</p><p></p><p>I believe there is wide variability in how people with mental illness function. I believe that personal choice means a lot.</p><p></p><p>I think it is very important to do our part first, to not enable. To stop what we are doing that makes it harder for them, and for us. To stop the things we do that may disincentivize motivation, independence and the choice to be productive. Only then can we begin to really understand what are the true dynamics at work in our children.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. Take care and keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665486, member: 18958"] Hi Seeking Peace, You have received good advice. I will add my two cents. I would not be so confident that drugs of some sort are not involved. Knowing what I know now, I would have cut off all financial assistance for my son much earlier. What is that saying? When somebody tells you who they are, listen. From our love and hope and fear, we do not. We pay for it later. Your daughter is not listening to anything you say. The assistance she is receiving from you and others seems to be training her to expect more. That happened with my son, too. He had no motivation at all to do anything productive until everybody cut him off and he had to live with the consequences of his choices. I am pretty new at this, but I find that the more I can stay out of my son's business the more clarity and respect there is between us. The result, too, has been that my son has left the area where I live. This is a good thing. He seems to be beginning to understand that it is not a pretty picture to be homeless or nearly so, with nothing productive to do. Your daughter by landing jobs, has shown herself capable of doing so. The only incentive most of us have to keep a job is the necessity to support ourselves. Allow her that incentive. The fear is our children will make worse choices, without our guidance and help. The thing is, our help has not protected them. They mock our advice. They mock our rules. They are indifferent to anything that we do that does not involve money. The only thing they want to hear from us is "yes." We are without good choices because our children have rejected all of them that we have tried. I have decided it is time for my son to take responsibility for himself. My son has mental illness on both maternal and paternal sides. He was granted SSI for mental illness. Still, I am hopeful. I believe there is wide variability in how people with mental illness function. I believe that personal choice means a lot. I think it is very important to do our part first, to not enable. To stop what we are doing that makes it harder for them, and for us. To stop the things we do that may disincentivize motivation, independence and the choice to be productive. Only then can we begin to really understand what are the true dynamics at work in our children. I am glad you found us. Take care and keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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