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Parent Emeritus
Once again he called and I answered...grhhhhh
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631167" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Annie, one thing I used to do when difficult child was driving me nuts with repeated texts and calls was this: </p><p></p><p>Made a decision about when I WOULD respond, either 48 hours from now or three days from now or whatever it is. Then I would say or text: I will not be available to talk to you until Thursday after 5 p.m. Have a good rest of the day. I love you.</p><p></p><p>Or I would say nothing and just do it. </p><p></p><p>Often, Annie we throw way, way too many words at the situation. I used to be one of the worst offenders here, because I am a communicator by nature and my profession. My view is that more communication is always better.</p><p></p><p>But not with difficult children. If we can really reduce the words, and keep things simple, we help us and them.</p><p></p><p>And Annie, once you say something, you have to stick to it. So if you don't think you can go two or three days without responding, keep the first times you try this shorter. Go 24 hours or whatever you can do.</p><p></p><p>Because caving in, once we have set a new boundary, just teaches them that we don't mean what we say.</p><p></p><p>In the beginning, it's harder, but as you continue it will get easier and easier. As you start teaching him that you mean what you say, he will stop harassing you so much via phone and text.</p><p></p><p>In December, when my son was homeless, one day he texted me 262 times. It was mostly just ...... or ???? .... or periodic cursing because I would not answer. Finally, he kept ramping up, and I caved in. He said his computer cord was broken and he had 23% battery and would not be able to text me again. </p><p></p><p>I was afraid. I was so afraid that that would be the last time I heard from him, since he was in another city and on the street somewhere. So I caved in.</p><p></p><p>I taught him that I don't mean what I say. So I had to work hard to get back to where I was before, with him. And I soon learned that he would find a way to communicate---other peoples' phones, the library, FB messages, etc. </p><p></p><p>It is completely amazing how resilient and resourceful they can be, when they want to be about what they want to do. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. Also, you can just turn the phone completely off for a few hours at a time. Just turn it off, and do something nice for you, Annie.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631167, member: 17542"] Annie, one thing I used to do when difficult child was driving me nuts with repeated texts and calls was this: Made a decision about when I WOULD respond, either 48 hours from now or three days from now or whatever it is. Then I would say or text: I will not be available to talk to you until Thursday after 5 p.m. Have a good rest of the day. I love you. Or I would say nothing and just do it. Often, Annie we throw way, way too many words at the situation. I used to be one of the worst offenders here, because I am a communicator by nature and my profession. My view is that more communication is always better. But not with difficult children. If we can really reduce the words, and keep things simple, we help us and them. And Annie, once you say something, you have to stick to it. So if you don't think you can go two or three days without responding, keep the first times you try this shorter. Go 24 hours or whatever you can do. Because caving in, once we have set a new boundary, just teaches them that we don't mean what we say. In the beginning, it's harder, but as you continue it will get easier and easier. As you start teaching him that you mean what you say, he will stop harassing you so much via phone and text. In December, when my son was homeless, one day he texted me 262 times. It was mostly just ...... or ???? .... or periodic cursing because I would not answer. Finally, he kept ramping up, and I caved in. He said his computer cord was broken and he had 23% battery and would not be able to text me again. I was afraid. I was so afraid that that would be the last time I heard from him, since he was in another city and on the street somewhere. So I caved in. I taught him that I don't mean what I say. So I had to work hard to get back to where I was before, with him. And I soon learned that he would find a way to communicate---other peoples' phones, the library, FB messages, etc. It is completely amazing how resilient and resourceful they can be, when they want to be about what they want to do. Warm hugs. Also, you can just turn the phone completely off for a few hours at a time. Just turn it off, and do something nice for you, Annie. [/QUOTE]
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Once again he called and I answered...grhhhhh
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