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Parent Emeritus
Once again he called and I answered...grhhhhh
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 631182" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>That's a devastating fear Anne. We have to move to a place where we understand that we are utterly powerless to control anything with our adult kids. One thing that helped me was to release my difficult child to my perception of a Higher Power. To recognize that we are not in control and to relinquish that power to the source of our spirituality. You do not have the power to keep your greatest fear from happening. However, you do have the power to not allow that fear to determine how you respond right now. </p><p></p><p>Your son is abusing you. Your son is manipulating you. You can block his texts so that you don't have to be confronted by the relentless attacks that go on. As MWM always says, there are numerous food banks and shelters which offer the homeless opportunities to eat. If he gets hungry enough, perhaps he will seek help, or a job, or whatever it is he could be doing other then texting you.</p><p></p><p>It helps us Anne, if you will put a signature at the bottom of your post, as you see we have done. That helps us to recall your story and how old your difficult child is. I can't recall his age, but having a 5 year old son he has nothing to do with does speak loudly to his lack of responsibility for his actions ...........in a profound way. </p><p></p><p>The "nightmare" will only end when YOU decide to end it. Your son won't, he is used to the gravy train you have been providing, so there is no reason for him to change. YOU have to respond differently by saying no, refraining from responding, setting boundaries around his behavior, getting the support you require to make those changes and focusing on yourself rather then your son. The dynamic between the two of you is unhealthy and you have the power to change that. </p><p></p><p>When we give and give, and control and enable and fix and try to change another, all we get is depleted, angry, resentful and fearful. When we begin the hard work of detaching, setting boundaries, saying no and letting go, we start to feel better and we walk out of the nightmare. It isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, it is the hardest thing any of us will likely ever do, but in order to preserve our own sanity, in order to find some peace and some joy and really, give our difficult child's the opportunity to wake up and take care of their own lives, (or not), we have to let go, detach and learn to accept what we can't change. It's the only way through this maze of insanity. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are hurting. Keep posting, get support, stop responding to all of those texts, in fact, stop reading them, and go do something completely nourishing just for YOU. Take care of YOU. Be kind to YOU. Put yourself FIRST. You deserve that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 631182, member: 13542"] That's a devastating fear Anne. We have to move to a place where we understand that we are utterly powerless to control anything with our adult kids. One thing that helped me was to release my difficult child to my perception of a Higher Power. To recognize that we are not in control and to relinquish that power to the source of our spirituality. You do not have the power to keep your greatest fear from happening. However, you do have the power to not allow that fear to determine how you respond right now. Your son is abusing you. Your son is manipulating you. You can block his texts so that you don't have to be confronted by the relentless attacks that go on. As MWM always says, there are numerous food banks and shelters which offer the homeless opportunities to eat. If he gets hungry enough, perhaps he will seek help, or a job, or whatever it is he could be doing other then texting you. It helps us Anne, if you will put a signature at the bottom of your post, as you see we have done. That helps us to recall your story and how old your difficult child is. I can't recall his age, but having a 5 year old son he has nothing to do with does speak loudly to his lack of responsibility for his actions ...........in a profound way. The "nightmare" will only end when YOU decide to end it. Your son won't, he is used to the gravy train you have been providing, so there is no reason for him to change. YOU have to respond differently by saying no, refraining from responding, setting boundaries around his behavior, getting the support you require to make those changes and focusing on yourself rather then your son. The dynamic between the two of you is unhealthy and you have the power to change that. When we give and give, and control and enable and fix and try to change another, all we get is depleted, angry, resentful and fearful. When we begin the hard work of detaching, setting boundaries, saying no and letting go, we start to feel better and we walk out of the nightmare. It isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, it is the hardest thing any of us will likely ever do, but in order to preserve our own sanity, in order to find some peace and some joy and really, give our difficult child's the opportunity to wake up and take care of their own lives, (or not), we have to let go, detach and learn to accept what we can't change. It's the only way through this maze of insanity. I'm sorry you are hurting. Keep posting, get support, stop responding to all of those texts, in fact, stop reading them, and go do something completely nourishing just for YOU. Take care of YOU. Be kind to YOU. Put yourself FIRST. You deserve that. [/QUOTE]
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Once again he called and I answered...grhhhhh
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