One of "those" stories.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Aug 29, 2010.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm going to put a rating on this true story, as it has - what I will call for a lack of better description the essence of a bathroom story between two people who have shared a home for eleven years. Emphasis on essence. It is funny - promise.

    Living with men the last 25 years of my life I could NOT have been a happier person than when they invented the time released bathroom scented spray you can own in your home. It was like a miracle descended in a box and landed on my wall, spraying heavenly masking odors. It's not like I shouldn't have taken stock in Glade over the years. I'd be rich. One man, two - three boys, and eventually one bathroom and several full cans of spray scent sitting across the toilet. My nose dying for anyone but me to kick open the bathroom door like a Ramboo movie with a towel pasted over my nose and mouth and release fragrance into the air. Covered fragrance - but a scent you could deal with none the less. All except for Mountain Berry which is another story about a woman and a boss in a 40sf. office with a bathroom next to her desk for 7 years.

    Over the years and despite loosing my job DF and I have worked out our own schedule sharing our one bathroom. I think putting the 2nd bathroom together is a priority over the heat pump which still hasn't been installed even with Fall fast approaching. As Queen over my own kingdom my mantra - I'd rather sit on a cold throne with fresh air rather than being on a warm one reaching for Febreze, so I can brush my teeth and breathe at the same time.

    Well nothing so funny about that, but the other night there was a bad storm. The fur kids came running in the house, blew into the bathroom as I was coming out and there I stood with my nightly glass of milk and WHOOM! All over the bathroom sink. I quickly grabbed the hand towel, sopped it up, and having already taken my muscle relaxer and AD's? I was a little groggy but remembered to hang that towel up. I am after all Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) about some things.

    That was Thursday. Saturday I slept in. I got up and went to the bathroom like I do every morning and....and...and. Oh my Lord love a duck. Does this man eat the same things I do? How in the? Couldn't even finish my thought, grabbed two kinds of spray PLUS hit the button on the auto sprayer and was livid. I kept thinking to MYSELF - 'how hard can it be to grab a little, tiny can of spray and push that button to give the other person in the house some lattitude in the can?" Literally?! Sweet Mother. I shut the door and a mix of vanilla and cinnamon fogged it up like the county guy just went by spraying for mosquitos. We passed each other in the hall, exchanged morning pleasantries 'how'd you sleep? any coffee left?" and in the bathroom he went -again!

    I thought to myself - at least YOU can breath buddy. Then he quickly left and I shut the door again! About two hours later I went in to brush my teeth and I thought - "THAT odor has some serious hang time " WOW. I mean this smell was just wretched. I broke out the Lysol, and the Clorox with lavender spray. Then I thought....It can't be him - it has to be the plunger, maybe the toilet brush? So I left brushing my teeth go, and went and got the cleaning supplies - ALL OF THEM. I mean the toilet bowl cleaner, the comet. I soaked all the 'things' and then rinsed and rinsed and scrubbed that bowl and wiped up the floor with clorox wipes, and the bowl. I'm thinking to myself I wish I couldn't smell things like I do - this is awful. I put the cleaners away got involved with a phone call and forgot my teeth.

    So about 30 minutes later I opened the door and go in to brush my teeth and I'm thinking "STILL? WOW? I think I'm going to step over that barrier of congeniality in relationships and have a talk with him about seeing a G.I. kinda doctor. I mean this smell was attrocious, wicked. I started to brush my teeth and spit, and as I put my head in the sink - The odor was so awful I began to belive that I had misjudged DF. Could the septic tank back up into the sink? He's a plumber = he should know right? I stuck my nose (like the woman in the horror movie who opens the door) down the hole to inhale and .........wwwwwhew. I could smell 'something' so foul, so disgusting, so awful I nearly threw up. So i grabbed the hand towel to cover my face..... and I did throw up.

    THERE in the hand towel was Thursday night's curdled milk.....We have two hooks and I'd been using the other towel for my hands so this one just got to ripen. I ran, and I mean RAN out of the house, out through the den, out the door with DF asking me "Why are you gagging, what is going on? Are you okay? Honey what's happening?' and when I could explain to him what HAD happened he started laughing. Laughed so hard I couldn't even tell him that I thought the septic tank had backed up. Lauged so hard I finally stopped talking, and never even got to the place where I tell him ' I thought it was YOU.' because he turns to me and says "OH honey I'm so glad it's a towel - I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU, and I kept thinking to myself WOW sister..just WOW and I didn't want to say anything but when I went in there that second time after you had fogged the room I felt so bad for you I just didn't have the heart to say anything it seemed like you were trying SO hard to cover up the smell for me." then he just roared some more.

    OMG.....ME??? ME? Now on top of gagging all morning and cleaning a toilet, plunger, brush, bowl, and floor? I have to endure THIS joker? Oh well allow ME! So I explain to him that I thought it was him - only 'worse' you know. :whiteflag: well then it wasnt' SO funny was it? WORSE? he pondered... (I'm pretty sure at this point you could tack on musings like Your X doesn't stink - but after that hand towel? it really didn't) :tongue:

    So now we have another story to add to our arsenal of "it's a family thing you wouldn't get it" when we say "fuscia towel" - which started the pink debate again - and so it's been renamed the "pink towel story." Or the muscle relaxers and milk don't mix story, or Bulldogs and thunderstorms really stink story.

    So I just thought I'd share a really stinky story with my other family. :sick:;)
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  3. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Star, I love your sense of humor and your ability to tell a story like no one else.

    Also, Thank you for sharing that right now. I've had a lousy day and have been too depressed to even think of sleeping. Should of been in bed hours ago. You lifted my spirits. Thanks!

    And remind me someday to tell you how husband had a pitbull choking and gagging as she ran from the room!
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You are the best! I have to say it was like the computer had smellovision though, I gagged a bit.
    That is like Nina in the car with Dexter- "I think I just saw Dexter raise his stump, yep it was him".... As she is sitting there giggling. Needless to say all of the windows go right down!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Star...I love you.:rofl:
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    OMG Starbie ~ I need to check my wash machine. I bet I have sour smelling towels in there.

    Thank you for sharing - I often need this kind of cue. by the way, I don't do pink towels....I vote for fuscia; better yet crimson. That's a good color. There's nothing tame as pink in your world Star.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Too funny!
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    OMG!!!! I literally fell out of the chair laughing! Hahahahahahahaha!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Adopt 2 dogs from the pound: $100

    Nightly muscle relaxers and AD's: $40 per month

    Fuschia Hand Towel: $4

    Glass of Milk: $0.50

    4 Cans of Air Freshener + Chemicals to clean and disinfect a bathroom:$20

    Thunderstorm to mix it just right: Free

    Star's Story of Your X Doesn't Stink As Bad As The Fuschia Towel:


    Star - It don't get no better than this!!
  10. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. That was hilare Star. Here's the cover art for your stinky story in a lovely shade of fuschia!!! (I know I spelled it wrong but I had to use that instead of pink)
  11. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'd snort but the smell would make me gag.

  12. ML

    ML Guest

    That is hilarious. I agree that you are an amazing story teller.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Susie* - There is NO ONE that can make a list like you! No one! Loved it!

    ML - It's just a shame that I can't remember 1/2 of my life - What a ride. Little pink Snappers for you and me! Woooooooo hooooooo everyone mow their yard with Ape Hangers on their Snappers! (I have pictures) and a pirate flag! ;)