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Substance Abuse
One step forward, two steps back
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709331" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I can see it too.</p><p></p><p>It seems like you have taken another huge step in the past few days. In these more recent posts I hear a great deal of power and command. As if you really both know AND FEEL that you and your husband are in control.</p><p></p><p>When we change in this way we feel we can come out of our corner (our bed) and have a place not just to stand but to move. There is the realization that it is our children who need to be curbed, to the extent even that we cannot have contact.</p><p></p><p>My own misinterpretation was that it was my failure. I kept over and over again taking responsibility for both sides of the net, running back and forth and sometimes jumping over. My son was commanding the court. And me. My very attempts to do the right thing were indeed enabling him to do the exact opposite.</p><p></p><p>I will see how this new attitude is, after I have tried it on for awhile. For right now, this minute, I feel changed (well a little bit changed.)</p><p></p><p>I see the way you and your husband are handling this as what I was striving for but could not effect: you are holding son to right behavior, but not at the costs to yourselves. He will be the one who is held to account. Unfortunately in my case I got impaled by my own sword--or it sure felt that way.</p><p></p><p>I hold myself accountable, which spares my son. </p><p></p><p>Since I do not pay rent to my son, I cannot withhold it. And now that he has begun the anti-viral this is something that potentially can hold ME hostage. I know that his medication compliance becomes almost impossible, if he is homeless or near homeless. It is 10 days until when he needs to pay us rent. This current crisis was precipitated in part by his NOT paying rent. I call this a marijuana subsidy which I have been adamant I will not do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709331, member: 18958"] I can see it too. It seems like you have taken another huge step in the past few days. In these more recent posts I hear a great deal of power and command. As if you really both know AND FEEL that you and your husband are in control. When we change in this way we feel we can come out of our corner (our bed) and have a place not just to stand but to move. There is the realization that it is our children who need to be curbed, to the extent even that we cannot have contact. My own misinterpretation was that it was my failure. I kept over and over again taking responsibility for both sides of the net, running back and forth and sometimes jumping over. My son was commanding the court. And me. My very attempts to do the right thing were indeed enabling him to do the exact opposite. I will see how this new attitude is, after I have tried it on for awhile. For right now, this minute, I feel changed (well a little bit changed.) I see the way you and your husband are handling this as what I was striving for but could not effect: you are holding son to right behavior, but not at the costs to yourselves. He will be the one who is held to account. Unfortunately in my case I got impaled by my own sword--or it sure felt that way. I hold myself accountable, which spares my son. Since I do not pay rent to my son, I cannot withhold it. And now that he has begun the anti-viral this is something that potentially can hold ME hostage. I know that his medication compliance becomes almost impossible, if he is homeless or near homeless. It is 10 days until when he needs to pay us rent. This current crisis was precipitated in part by his NOT paying rent. I call this a marijuana subsidy which I have been adamant I will not do. [/QUOTE]
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