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One way to get difficult child to leave house without me actually having to move
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 636376" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>GuideMe, I can so empathize with your plight, living with a difficult child of any age is an exercise is futility and misery. Perhaps in the short term, the idea of pretending to move out would work, but I think in the bigger picture and in the long term, what must happen is the dynamic between the two of you must change, you need to take your power back, you need to stop allowing your daughter's negative bad behavior to continue. For your sake AS WELL AS HERS. A young person has to be able to have boundaries, that's how they feel safe and when they don't get them, they lash out at the person who is supposed to supply them with those boundaries, which is you. </p><p></p><p>You have all the power to change this scenario, however, you will have to learn the tools and the skill set to take your power back, set those boundaries, declare your independence from this tyranny and stand up for your rights. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps begin the eviction process in whatever way you must in your state and at the very same time start therapy for yourself, or start some kind of counseling so you can alter the course of this path you're on. In my opinion, the only way to deal with it where it will have lasting results is to tackle it head on, confront it, not run from it. </p><p></p><p>This is a pattern you have developed with your daughter over a long period of time, and you will need to dismantle that pattern and develop a new one which is healthy and works for YOU. It appears that you will need some guidance, support and counseling in order for you to accomplish that. </p><p></p><p>I went through an almost two year long codependency course through a local HMO which was lead by therapists. I went to a weekly support group facilitated by a trained therapist and attended by mostly parents who had enabled their kids. I met with a therapist privately as well. I attended CODA groups, read books, soaked up lots of information and support on this site and did whatever I could to stop the patterning I had developed with my own daughter. It was hard. At times it was like trying to stop a runaway train, which is why I always advocate getting professional help. It's a very difficult thing for us parents to do, to detach from our kids and put the emphasis on our own lives. </p><p></p><p>It may not be a quick fix, it may take time, but once you deal with it and begin to recover yourself, begin to value yourself and your own boundaries, begin to recognize that you really do have the power to shift this to what YOU want, your whole life will change for the better. And, you will release your daughter into her own life knowing how to respect another persons boundaries, which is an important lesson for her to learn. </p><p></p><p>Get yourself some support GM, you deserve a life of your own without being dragged through the nonsense your daughter is putting you through. YOU can change it. You have all the power, take it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 636376, member: 13542"] GuideMe, I can so empathize with your plight, living with a difficult child of any age is an exercise is futility and misery. Perhaps in the short term, the idea of pretending to move out would work, but I think in the bigger picture and in the long term, what must happen is the dynamic between the two of you must change, you need to take your power back, you need to stop allowing your daughter's negative bad behavior to continue. For your sake AS WELL AS HERS. A young person has to be able to have boundaries, that's how they feel safe and when they don't get them, they lash out at the person who is supposed to supply them with those boundaries, which is you. You have all the power to change this scenario, however, you will have to learn the tools and the skill set to take your power back, set those boundaries, declare your independence from this tyranny and stand up for your rights. Perhaps begin the eviction process in whatever way you must in your state and at the very same time start therapy for yourself, or start some kind of counseling so you can alter the course of this path you're on. In my opinion, the only way to deal with it where it will have lasting results is to tackle it head on, confront it, not run from it. This is a pattern you have developed with your daughter over a long period of time, and you will need to dismantle that pattern and develop a new one which is healthy and works for YOU. It appears that you will need some guidance, support and counseling in order for you to accomplish that. I went through an almost two year long codependency course through a local HMO which was lead by therapists. I went to a weekly support group facilitated by a trained therapist and attended by mostly parents who had enabled their kids. I met with a therapist privately as well. I attended CODA groups, read books, soaked up lots of information and support on this site and did whatever I could to stop the patterning I had developed with my own daughter. It was hard. At times it was like trying to stop a runaway train, which is why I always advocate getting professional help. It's a very difficult thing for us parents to do, to detach from our kids and put the emphasis on our own lives. It may not be a quick fix, it may take time, but once you deal with it and begin to recover yourself, begin to value yourself and your own boundaries, begin to recognize that you really do have the power to shift this to what YOU want, your whole life will change for the better. And, you will release your daughter into her own life knowing how to respect another persons boundaries, which is an important lesson for her to learn. Get yourself some support GM, you deserve a life of your own without being dragged through the nonsense your daughter is putting you through. YOU can change it. You have all the power, take it. [/QUOTE]
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One way to get difficult child to leave house without me actually having to move
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