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Parent Emeritus
Oops I Did it Again and a Question
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 723386" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>They are cunning in finding what they think is your Achilles heel, and then changing the criticism over time, as you respond.</p><p></p><p>But you are an independent and functioning human being, and probably always have been. I would bet you never felt the need to seek out others’ weak spots and manipulate them.</p><p></p><p>But she feels the need to do that for some reason. It is NOT hatred of you. You are the straw man.</p><p></p><p>The only thing we seem to have in common with our difficult children is: We are looking out for them and they are looking out for them.</p><p></p><p>For me, dealing with a rager or addict is like talking to a toddler. (And I mean no offense to your child.) There’s just a self-centeredness and cluelessness that’s incredibly immature.</p><p></p><p>You wouldn’t spend a whole lot of effort trying to reason with a toddler, and wouldn’t take their words personally. At our best, we would blow past that and help them identify their real needs and emotions.</p><p></p><p>You are an adult. She uses adult words. </p><p></p><p>And don’t think going “meta” on her will be the thing that will make her see the light. </p><p></p><p>Don’t engage. It’s just an excuse for them to keep glaring at you instead of looking in the mirror.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 723386, member: 19290"] They are cunning in finding what they think is your Achilles heel, and then changing the criticism over time, as you respond. But you are an independent and functioning human being, and probably always have been. I would bet you never felt the need to seek out others’ weak spots and manipulate them. But she feels the need to do that for some reason. It is NOT hatred of you. You are the straw man. The only thing we seem to have in common with our difficult children is: We are looking out for them and they are looking out for them. For me, dealing with a rager or addict is like talking to a toddler. (And I mean no offense to your child.) There’s just a self-centeredness and cluelessness that’s incredibly immature. You wouldn’t spend a whole lot of effort trying to reason with a toddler, and wouldn’t take their words personally. At our best, we would blow past that and help them identify their real needs and emotions. You are an adult. She uses adult words. And don’t think going “meta” on her will be the thing that will make her see the light. Don’t engage. It’s just an excuse for them to keep glaring at you instead of looking in the mirror. [/QUOTE]
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Oops I Did it Again and a Question
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