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Open Topic - Preserving our easy child Relationships
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 29427" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>My easy child's were a true blessing. I cannot recall ever thinking that they would do the things that my difficult child's did. I might have had very high expectations from them. At times they challenged those expectations. I then would tell them that I knew what they were capable of and that I would not accept less than their best from them. They never challenged me further. I always told all my kids I expect their best from them at all times. I would say that if a C was honestly the best they could do then I was proud of them for doing their best. easy child #1 once brought home a C and I told her that I knew it wasn't her best and that I expected her to put forth a better effort. She graduated HS with a 4.0 and went on to college and a master's degree. difficult child#1 was equally as intelligent as easy child#1 but her mood swings didn't allow her to achieve as high a goal as her sister so for her I was hapy with anything above a D.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I also made a point of having dates with each of my kids. Each one of them had their own personal "Mommy time". There were times that I would have to postpone but I always made it up. I hired babysitters or just had husband watch the others and would take one of them to the movies, the park, for an ice cream or maybe just shopping for something for them. The easy child's remember this the difficult child's do not. With all my kids I tried to steer them toward their strengths. </p><p></p><p>I think it did help that my easy child was my first born and very responsible and that the younger kids were adopted when she was older. That way when one of the difficult child's were acting out I could send her out or to another room with the rest of the children. I had special activities (art supplies and games and puzzles) reserved for those times and they would play with them if it was dark or inclement outside. Otherwise they would all go out to the yard and play or swim depending on the time of the year. easy child#1 also had her CPR and lifeguard certification. I have told her many many times that I never could have done what I did if it were not for her. That is why I am so willing to watch her children for extended periods or just drop things to help her out. My husband was on the road most of the week and only home on weekends. My easy child#1 was my angel and though many would say that it isn't right to put that kind of responsibility on a young teen she thrived on it. She looked at it as a babysitting job that was pretty much on call. I often paid her and she had many privileges and a new car while still in HS. </p><p></p><p>When it was time for easy child#1 to go to college she didn't want to go away because there would be no one to help me with the younger kids when difficult child#1 went off. I told her that they were ultimately my responsibility and that I would figure something out. I made her go away to college and told her if she didn't like it after a year we would revisit the subject. I told her I would always appreciate all that she did to help me and that because she had been such a great help her father was able to do his job which paid for her college. To this day I still tell her that I feel so honored to be her mother. When her son was born she was still in college and working toward her PhD. I took care of him everyday and often overnight if she had experiments to run or her husband was out of town. She eventually terminated at a master's but it was her decision and not one that was forced on her by an unplanned pregnancy, (She was married but the BC failed) She wanted to pay me but I told her it was her turn to let me help her. My difficult child's therapist told me that it is a balancing act that she felt I had done with grace. I told her that was because I had help both from God and from friends and most of all from my daughter. -RM </p><p>_________________________</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 29427, member: 2315"] My easy child's were a true blessing. I cannot recall ever thinking that they would do the things that my difficult child's did. I might have had very high expectations from them. At times they challenged those expectations. I then would tell them that I knew what they were capable of and that I would not accept less than their best from them. They never challenged me further. I always told all my kids I expect their best from them at all times. I would say that if a C was honestly the best they could do then I was proud of them for doing their best. easy child #1 once brought home a C and I told her that I knew it wasn't her best and that I expected her to put forth a better effort. She graduated HS with a 4.0 and went on to college and a master's degree. difficult child#1 was equally as intelligent as easy child#1 but her mood swings didn't allow her to achieve as high a goal as her sister so for her I was hapy with anything above a D. I also made a point of having dates with each of my kids. Each one of them had their own personal "Mommy time". There were times that I would have to postpone but I always made it up. I hired babysitters or just had husband watch the others and would take one of them to the movies, the park, for an ice cream or maybe just shopping for something for them. The easy child's remember this the difficult child's do not. With all my kids I tried to steer them toward their strengths. I think it did help that my easy child was my first born and very responsible and that the younger kids were adopted when she was older. That way when one of the difficult child's were acting out I could send her out or to another room with the rest of the children. I had special activities (art supplies and games and puzzles) reserved for those times and they would play with them if it was dark or inclement outside. Otherwise they would all go out to the yard and play or swim depending on the time of the year. easy child#1 also had her CPR and lifeguard certification. I have told her many many times that I never could have done what I did if it were not for her. That is why I am so willing to watch her children for extended periods or just drop things to help her out. My husband was on the road most of the week and only home on weekends. My easy child#1 was my angel and though many would say that it isn't right to put that kind of responsibility on a young teen she thrived on it. She looked at it as a babysitting job that was pretty much on call. I often paid her and she had many privileges and a new car while still in HS. When it was time for easy child#1 to go to college she didn't want to go away because there would be no one to help me with the younger kids when difficult child#1 went off. I told her that they were ultimately my responsibility and that I would figure something out. I made her go away to college and told her if she didn't like it after a year we would revisit the subject. I told her I would always appreciate all that she did to help me and that because she had been such a great help her father was able to do his job which paid for her college. To this day I still tell her that I feel so honored to be her mother. When her son was born she was still in college and working toward her PhD. I took care of him everyday and often overnight if she had experiments to run or her husband was out of town. She eventually terminated at a master's but it was her decision and not one that was forced on her by an unplanned pregnancy, (She was married but the BC failed) She wanted to pay me but I told her it was her turn to let me help her. My difficult child's therapist told me that it is a balancing act that she felt I had done with grace. I told her that was because I had help both from God and from friends and most of all from my daughter. -RM _________________________ [/QUOTE]
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